Accountability for All

Okay in general another day I read my yellow book of 20 years of f****** up and it really helps and then I meditated and now I'm off to do some work for today but I'm actually kind of positive I just I'm still sick from some kind of head cold fever...
I had myself tested for covid-19 and I am negative it's so bizarre

 

I feel like a kid, that "Stay hard" bit cracks me up.

Day 11

Am I crushing it?

Stay tuned and you can find out tomorrow.

 

checkin'!

 

Checking in

 

Day 44 of No PMO
STILL HERE

 

Day 13

 

178 days!!!

 

Still alive last night was not easy...
I had to apply my antidotes but I did amazing no pmo...
So still here but last night I did have a lot of shit in my head so I'm going to have to work on that purify little bit... read my yellow book and a small meditation but I still need the bigger meditation....
And this is where it starts to count when I get further along than my desires are stronger and I need the yellow book plus the bigger meditation to not have shit at night...

 

Day 56

#total_new_habits = 8
#days_of_new_habits = 27/40

The evil hidden council
==============




Do you remember this guy from LOR? He is Grima Wormtongue .. I think I am having a guy like that in my mind that poisoned me for many many years .. sometimes things that are very very close are the most hidden and unseen .. It came to my consciousness the idea that I may have a bad counsellor in my head that always jumps and form my opinion even before anything is clear .. I am writing today about him to not only expose him but also devour him .. I do not want him anymore in my mind .. He threatens me if I do not go along .. and he is trying to convince me of bad ideas whenever it is possible .. and he does not want any good for me .. the only thing he wants is to see me sicker and sicker .. he speaks as if he knows who I am .. he always is trying to make little of my progress .. and how grotesque are my mistakes and failures .. he pushes loved ones away from me .. he isolates me .. he is the only who fills me with despair and fear of failure .. picturing him like this helps me become aware of him .. I had to write this idea fast on my notebook because I know I may forget about it .. I will call that voice inside my head: Wormtongue .. The path to know who I am is head-through my Wormtongue ..

# Refraining_is_my_dignity

"Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair"

[/QUOTE]

 

Day 20 in the list!! It was okay becaz I don't understand why I am overthinking agin and again while doing my work , when I have a clear goal and plan to conquer it. And this overthinking waste alot of my time which I know becaz my mind want me to get relapse. Because when I overthinking and ditch my work there is just only one thought coming in my mind to relapse.

 

starting a new journey . hope to stick until the end.
day 1 begins

 

In the past 114 days I have:

* PMO'd 7 times but not fully relapsed
* MO'd 1 time but not fully relapsed
* Averaging 16.3 days on strict PMO nofap
* 5 days straight nofap streak so far

 

Checking in!

 

Day 14

 

Day 45 of No PMO
Hope everyone's having a great day.
Keep going.

 

Day 21 in the list!! I am happy that I was able to compete 3 weeks but I also know that I seek peeked in between therefore I need to be focused and I will continue my journey and get the things done. I also added some good daily physical exercise in my routine to maintain my dopamine levels.

 

Starting Fresh!

did finish reading a book called The Ersatz Elevator and Ended the night watching the Super Bowl!!!

 

Day 57

#total_new_habits = 8
#days_of_new_habits = 28/40

Why, blaming, and half cup
=================

So, the name of the bad voice I have is 'Wormtongue' .. He kind of my formulated auto-pilot personality when I am not aware .. He is my old self .. yes .. but I changed .. so he is not me anymore .. he is "Wormtongue" .. and I am going to destroy him .. nothing destroy an old personality as not doing what it wants .. I am sorry my old self .. I can NOT fulfil your wishes of addiction and being immersed in sad feelings .. I HAVE SOLD YOU .. I do not own you anymore .. It was a good deal .. no one could take you for that price .. a healthy lifestyle .. peace .. tranquility .. serenity .. what else do you want? .. success in this world .. what else could you wish for more? .. deep life .. full of meaning .. many blessings .. what else could you want more ? .. I will not enter that prison anymore .. I can not .. I told you I have sold you for a good cause .. and we have to die on it .. I do not care about your past problems .. you know they will get healed by themselves .. actually they are very much healing now .. without so much attention needs .. but still Wormtongue .. I need to defeat him .. He makes me want to ask "why" .. why my life was not easier ? .. why I had that so many problems in my childhood? .. why that happened or that happened ? .. why I got this addiction ? .. why why why ? .. Here is the thing Wormtongue: everything happened, happened for a reason .. a very good one .. not that easy to understand though .. what I care about is I do not contribute to myself, society, the whole world any more tragedies .. I will not put my hand consciously in any tragedies .. and I will try as much as I can to fix the tragedies that I did to myself, my family and so on .. that clears my conscience .. that makes me sleep at night deeply without worries .. that makes receive everyday with gratefulness and energy .. to fix what I can .. to do what I can .. to develop what I can .. to persevere .. to explore my potential .. with no pressure .. no expectations .. as the only meter is effort .. how much effort do you exert? .. once you exert as much as effort as you can .. you do not think about your talent or expectations .. focus .. focus .. focus on efforts .. that is all what you need ..

# Refraining_is_my_dignity

"Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair"

[/QUOTE]

 

In the past 115 days I have:

* PMO'd 7 times but not fully relapsed
* MO'd 1 time but not fully relapsed
* Averaging 16.5 days on strict PMO nofap
* 6 days straight nofap streak so far

 

Checking in!