Accountability for All

checkin'.

 

Checking in!

 

7 weeks of No PMO
l am speechless. Really amazing. Thank you everyone for your support.

 

Okay didn't take care of myself yesterday and relapsed I listen to stupid things like in my head " it's okay to do porn and masturbate" and that is so crazy..... naturally that morning I did not read my yellow book to remind myself of all the f*** ups... so now I have more things to add to my yellow book of my f*** ups namely that I had forgotten I had a concert I could go to but after pmo for 8 hours, I just felt like shit, so I had destroyed my possibility of doing something good....
Hangin, I'm please keep myself and others in your prayers....

 

Day 25 in the list!! Improving day by day. Today was my exam it goes well but my anxiety is disturbing me and i am able to perform my 100%. I decided to get out this negative circle of life and live life fully and enjoy it.

 

Thank you so much for giving this voice in my head inviting me to do stupid things: "Wormtongue" it is this excellent...
Wormtongue invites me into his stupid prison but I did not need to enter there.... thank you Wormtongue go fuck yourself, and someday maybe you'll figure out how to not be so lonely....

[/QUOTE]

 

Day 18

 

In the past 118 days I have:

* PMO'd 7 times but not fully relapsed
* MO'd 1 time but not fully relapsed
* Averaging 16.8 days on strict PMO nofap
* 9 days straight nofap streak so far

 

Day 0
Due to very stressful situations.. Night fall happened and i was freaking restless.. Reset happened but i know i can do better than this... I hope u guys are also doing fine. Have a great day... A wonderful day.

 

Hi newish here, I’m 30 and I’ve had this issue for quite some time. I found this site a week ago and thought I should finally try. I joined this group so I could keep up with myself.
I would lose hours and hours watching porn. Not being able to sleep or letting myself sleep. I hate it, I have a family I love and care about and I know this is hurting all of them. I made it 2 days, which is a milestone since it wasn’t all day. But, it was two days in a row. On the second relapse I stopped myself a little after I started. And well I’m here now.
I’m sorry I’m terrible at writing when I’m upset. And I’m pretty upset with myself at the moment.

 

Day 0 ( Relapsed ) :
It feels like for the past 2 months, i've been at the lowest point in my life.
School stressed me out, high expectations on College, anxiety won't stop and i had little to no motivation at all
I ran out of plans, tactics and strategy to use. And my progress has been slowing down by a lot in February

Bad grades, the unwillingness to study, and Covid 19 across the globe has been destroying me from the inside, starting in 2020 where everything goes downhill

I feel like i want to tell my family what i am struggling on, but it's just too much for me to ask. They're such a judger, and they seldom understand my view point in life, as it's almost out of the equation that it will solve anything
And for my close friends, they're experiencing the same ( but they don't have addiction ) about bad grades and such. So it's pretty pointless to ask help from them

I tried exercising, but it doesn't help much

Like i said again, i'm at the lowest point of my life. I PMO in order to kick my stress away, but of course it's a mistake.
NoFap is only thing that can bring me motivation, but looks like everyone is busy with their own progress that sometimes Accountability is about luck

The loop won't stop. If i did succeed in having long streak, life just pins me down to my stress so i go back to my bed and do PMO. All over again

Everyone, sorry i cannot help you much in this Accountability. I'm pretty sure you all struggle the same as me, about NoFap

I don't know much about it, but maybe you can contact me or start a conversation with me to check on with each other or something...

What should i do? I don't like to call this depression, im done over it. I am just stressed and low on options / strategy to think of...
I've heard / seen about Accountability weekly, but im still unsure whatever that is about

 

Day 61

#total_new_habits = 8
#days_of_new_habits = 32/40

Time has come to deal with this .. I could not name it before .. and if you can not name sth that hurts you and you do not have any idea how to communicate it or describe it, it stays there in the dark untouched, and it just keeps getting bigger and nastier .. did you notice that when you do sth good by your hands or by words (talking or writing) that there is sth inside of you that starts to praise you and set fantasises of expectations around you ? .. "you did well here!" .. " you may get famous!" .. " wait now until the boss comes and congratulate you" .. "they should be talking about you good now and admiring you" .. "you are very smart" .. "people like you" .. "you are seen as successful now" .. "you are unstoppable" .. "oh! all the girls will want you" .. "you will have a lot of money if this works" .. "you may get this prize" .. "people are looking up to you" .. "Finally, they will know your worth" .. "If people just know what can you do and who you really are!!" .. it can get really worse .. I think the movies have a hand in this .. "you must be very special. Could you be the next [Einstein, Dostoevsky, Carl Jung, ... ]?" .. it can go to an ultimate level .. "could you be the chosen one who all people were waiting for?" .. it does not end .. there are a lot of examples .. did you also notice that if you started to follow any of these fantasies just for a little bit or just walked on that path for just a few steps, that you get really really disappointed in yourself? .. here is the thing .. this is a trap .. a trap of despair .. a trap that lurks you in by praising and dazzling fantasies .. and then .. at the first mistake .. the voice criticises the hell out of you .. the voice criticises you to the point of despair and depression .. and tells you another story .. "I think you have lost your potential being on that road of addiction for so long" .. "I think you are no good anymore and not that good" .. "leave the road for the people who deserve it" .. "nobody should know how low did you get" .. "people did not waste their potential like you" .. "I think you are the worst person in the world" .. "you had everything easy and you wasted it" .. so it seems that if you believed what this voice (mine is called "Wormtongue") tells you at the beginning where he praises you, you will also believe him when he demolishes you by words .. a man once complained to a wise man that living in this world is very hard for him and that he could not take it anymore .. the wise man told him that there are 3 states a human could find himself in and if he acts accordingly, things will be easier .. the first state is testing state .. he told him that life will test you with difficulties and the correct response is to do what you can to lift these difficulties away and be patient .. nothing stays as they are .. things change including your problems .. so you just need to wait .. and if you do not, things will just get worse and your chest will get tighter and tighter .. the second state is blessing state .. life will delight you with many good things .. and the correct response is not only to feel grateful but also to act gratefully .. how is that ? .. do not use what you have been given in sth that harm others or yourself .. use what you have in sth good and it will multiply on its own .. that is being grateful truly .. and if you act otherwise, the blessings will go away .. third state is when you make mistakes .. and the correct response is to apologise for your mistakes and try to fix them as much as you can .. and if you do not, life will act generously in a cunning way towards you until one point when you think you have everything, everything will be taken away suddenly ..

# Refraining_is_my_dignity

"Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair"

[/QUOTE]

 

Day 2, met a girl.
we are really hitting it off.
Afraid that my low streak will affect me...

 

In the past 119 days I have:

* PMO'd 8 times but not fully relapsed
* MO'd 1 time but not fully relapsed
* Averaging 14.8 days on strict PMO nofap
* 0 days straight nofap streak so far

 

Day 50 of No PMO
Hope everyone is doing well

 

New here... Day 1. So far, so good - but it's a work day, being busy helps - it's the nights and weekends that are worse. Keeping myself busy this weekend too - that will help a lot. Really appreciate everyone's check-ins above - helps a lot to be reminded that we're not alone in struggling. Thanks!

 

Please just notice how you are, forgive yourself, and look carefully at constructive ways you could do your whole recovery better... Ok?

 

Okay doing okay today read my yellow book of all my past 20 years of hookups and I'm doing better I ran, etc.... did some meditation I'm doing another pass now...
I have been slow in work for some clients please forgive me... but I will regain my full integrity...
Finally that voice in my head that says it's okay to do p*** and masturbate and destroy my life what we call "wormtongue"
I'm looking at how can I greviously fuk wormtongue up? how can I sabotage wormtongue? how can I caused wormtongue actual death?
Etc...

 

"I think you must be very special"

Your writing is great just keep working and it will get better it just does... I love your Insight and your sarcasm all together...

="On_The_Way, post: 3272416, member: 70861"]Day 61

#total_new_habits = 8
#days_of_new_habits = 32/40

Time has come to deal with this .. I could not name it before .. and if you can not name sth that hurts you and you do not have any idea how to communicate it or describe it, it stays there in the dark untouched, and it just keeps getting bigger and nastier .. did you notice that when you do sth good by your hands or by words (talking or writing) that there is sth inside of you that starts to praise you and set fantasises of expectations around you ? .. "you did well here!" .. " you may get famous!" .. " wait now until the boss comes and congratulate you" .. "they should be talking about you good now and admiring you" .. "you are very smart" .. "people like you" .. "you are seen as successful now" .. "you are unstoppable" .. "oh! all the girls will want you" .. "you will have a lot of money if this works" .. "you may get this prize" .. "people are looking up to you" .. "Finally, they will know your worth" .. "If people just know what can you do and who you really are!!" .. it can get really worse .. I think the movies have a hand in this .. "you must be very special. Could you be the next [Einstein, Dostoevsky, Carl Jung, ... ]?" .. it can go to an ultimate level .. "could you be the chosen one who all people were waiting for?" .. it does not end .. there are a lot of examples .. did you also notice that if you started to follow any of these fantasies just for a little bit or just walked on that path for just a few steps, that you get really really disappointed in yourself? .. here is the thing .. this is a trap .. a trap of despair .. a trap that lurks you in by praising and dazzling fantasies .. and then .. at the first mistake .. the voice criticises the hell out of you .. the voice criticises you to the point of despair and depression .. and tells you another story .. "I think you have lost your potential being on that road of addiction for so long" .. "I think you are no good anymore and not that good" .. "leave the road for the people who deserve it" .. "nobody should know how low did you get" .. "people did not waste their potential like you" .. "I think you are the worst person in the world" .. "you had everything easy and you wasted it" .. so it seems that if you believed what this voice (mine is called "Wormtongue") tells you at the beginning where he praises you, you will also believe him when he demolishes you by words .. a man once complained to a wise man that living in this world is very hard for him and that he could not take it anymore .. the wise man told him that there are 3 states a human could find himself in and if he acts accordingly, things will be easier .. the first state is testing state .. he told him that life will test you with difficulties and the correct response is to do what you can to lift these difficulties away and be patient .. nothing stays as they are .. things change including your problems .. so you just need to wait .. and if you do not, things will just get worse and your chest will get tighter and tighter .. the second state is blessing state .. life will delight you with many good things .. and the correct response is not only to feel grateful but also to act gratefully .. how is that ? .. do not use what you have been given in sth that harm others or yourself .. use what you have in sth good and it will multiply on its own .. that is being grateful truly .. and if you act otherwise, the blessings will go away .. third state is when you make mistakes .. and the correct response is to apologise for your mistakes and try to fix them as much as you can .. and if you do not, life will act generously in a cunning way towards you until one point when you think you have everything, everything will be taken away suddenly ..

# Refraining_is_my_dignity

"Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair"


[/QUOTE][/QUOTE]