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Accountability for All

Discussion in 'Events & Challenges' started by corylife, Dec 22, 2019.

  1. Fortitude42

    Fortitude42 Fapstronaut

    I just relapsed, not even a day yet

    This is a binge, i need to stop
     
  2. On_The_Way

    On_The_Way Fapstronaut

    I am glad that you found it relatable .. we can say NO .. unfortunately we can not control listening or not .. but we can control not following it by our actions .. and its voice gets weaker by the moment .. and the distance between us and this voice will be large enough to be completely forgotten as if it is not even here anymore ..

    [/QUOTE]
     
    Last edited: Feb 19, 2022
  3. On_The_Way

    On_The_Way Fapstronaut

    Thank you for your support! .. I will hopefully ..

     
  4. On_The_Way

    On_The_Way Fapstronaut

    Hey brother! I am following your posts for a while and I think you are doing amazing work!

    As for these situations, we are all suffering from it .. with our neighbours, colleagues and people on the street, and of course in videos on YT, and advertisements .. etc

    Here is where I think we should draw a line for the "blame" and "guilt" feeling NOT to cross to us and that we basically dismiss them if they come to us and start haunting us .. and where we should actually accept them ..

    I do not think we should blame ourselves for the emotions and thoughts that we have .. although we have to admit that we have hands in forming them through our past actions and sayings, there are other factors emerging from our environments, childhood and how we were raised and how we were disciplined when we were young, in addition of course to our genetical pool .. but but but BUT once we draw a line between us and our past life including actions, sayings and the whole lot of it , we should realise couple of things:

    - being attracted to women is very very VERY normal for most men .. especially if they appear in certain positions and with certain parts got exposed or been finely shaped .. that is just built right into us .. there is no escape from that ..

    - The EXTREME emotions and thoughts that got built into our psyche through p and s addictions will not dissolve in one night .. these things took months/years to be formed .. and we can not expect they will just fade away in couple of days

    - but we are STILL able to dissolve such thoughts and emotions .. how? .. there is only one thing .. we have to control our actions (what do we do .. what do we say .. NOW) .. we have control NOW .. we have no control in the past .. and our control in the future depends mostly on our control NOW .. as the PAST emotions and thoughts got built up using our PAST actions, we can built our near-future emotions and thoughts using our NOW actions .. and at the same time, there is an extra advantage, the extreme emotions and thoughts we have gets weaker if we do not fulfil it or imagine consciously doing it .. and eventually it will be wiped out .. but we have to be patient ..

    So, my personal advice is: we have to control our actions NOW .. so, if a thought came to your mind to look at woman in a certain position and you know that this just the addiction thoughts and emotions trying to drive you to PMO eventually through guilt and shame, do not follow it .. do not do that action that feeds it .. so, we have to to tolerate our "demons" for the time being until they lose hope on us and our body will diminish them as they are not used anymore and are just filling a needed space for other new actions and habits that we developed on the way to recovery .. I even read that our DNA itself get to change, brother .. we are full of potential .. FULL OF IT ...

    lastly, we may out of moments of weakness or low moods follow our past emotions and thoughts of relapse (although I personally believe that this happens only if we CONSCIOUSLY left the "wheel" for the "car" to drive itself) .. but if this happens, it is normal that we find in our heads two unbearable guests: guilt and shame .. I think that this is understandable .. but what we should be careful about that we do not let our addiction use those two guests to get more relapses (i.e. binging) .. the addiction can abuse anything to get what it wants including guilt and shame .. so, if the guilt and shame drives you to relapse, dismiss them immediately and do not let yourself be sad or depressed .. there is a lot of hope in this world .. LOTS of it .. we just need to look around anywhere to find it .. even in ourselves ..

    Well, I think this is my post for today :)

    Day 62

    #total_new_habits = 8
    #days_of_new_habits = 33/40

    ==================================================
     
    Last edited: Feb 19, 2022
  5. blacktea

    blacktea Fapstronaut

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  6. Spreadlove

    Spreadlove Fapstronaut

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    In the past 120 days I have:

    * PMO'd 8 times but not fully relapsed
    * MO'd 1 time but not fully relapsed
    * Averaging 15 days on strict PMO nofap
    * 1 days straight nofap streak so far
     
  7. AD amazing

    AD amazing Fapstronaut

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    There is no need to feel bad about night fall because it's completely normal and it is a sign that your mind is rewiring. Just be more careful after night fall.
     
  8. AD amazing

    AD amazing Fapstronaut

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    Day 27 in the list!! Great day fight with anxiety is getting better, social anxiety is getting better. My second exam was good I really worked hard for it . Giving my best fighting with overthinking and also taking panic situation with a calm mind.
     
    corylife and TheBluePrint like this.
  9. widdendreampenguin

    widdendreampenguin Fapstronaut

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  10. On_The_Way

    On_The_Way Fapstronaut

    Day 63

    #total_new_habits = 8
    #days_of_new_habits = 34/40

    The Darkest rooms of my mind
    ===================

    It is interesting how on the road of recovery you get reminded of things bit by bit that you used to remember in the last streaks before relapsing .. they say that Life is not like colleges and universities .. colleges and universities gave me certificates and patted me on the back and called me even successful, though I would not call myself successful in how to live .. so Life is not like that .. Life keeps repeating the same exact exams until you succeed in them .. you can not cheat Life in such exams .. it is either you really succeed by yourself or go work on yourself a bit more and come back again .. Life gives time to learn and when you are ready, Life will know and you will find the exam again (maybe in a different "dress") in front of you .. so I got reminded (or should I say remembered?) of the darkest topics in my mind .. it is interesting .. it is not that I forgot them .. but they just were not a topic of discussion to find a solution for .. it is as if I accepted them as reality and not changeable .. but now I have found in myself a feeling and seemingly strength (it is hard to say I collected them by any means from somewhere) to write about these topics because perhaps I can induce a change in such realities just by writing about them (as it seems what happened for others) .. it is very hard sometimes to keep them in the memory for so long .. they fleet or get kidnapped very fast .. even now I feel I forgot one of them .. hopefully I remember again during the day .. at least two of them are revolving about two persons .. one who was a very close friend ... and how the "is" became "was" is the topic .. second person is actually my wife (especially certain pattern that I saw in her every time during my relapse-recovery cycles) .. maybe I remembered the third topic .. or maybe it is new .. I am not sure .. I have to wait and see .. anyhow I think it is important .. actually very important .. it is the most killer weapon of my voice Wormtongue (at least as far as I am aware of his techniques) .. it is a bit hard to describe .. he basically take the criticisms that I read/listen/think of and then project them onto me directly as if I should be the subject of all of these criticisms and should consider them for myself otherwise I am even worse .. that is how "you are the worst person in the world" comes to picture actually .. but this is the seed .. so, let's begin ..

    # Refraining_is_my_dignity

    "Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair"



     
    corylife and TheBluePrint like this.
  11. Spreadlove

    Spreadlove Fapstronaut

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    In the past 121 days I have:

    * PMO'd 9 times but not fully relapsed
    * MO'd 1 time but not fully relapsed
    * Averaging 13.4 days on strict PMO nofap
    * 0 days straight nofap streak so far

    Had a stressful few days so clearly my release is in PMO'ing. I hope this isn't the start of a new habit, I need to find alternative means for release. Due to me starting my new business I have been feeling a bit stressed. Hopefully noticing these thoughts via non judgement will help me release them. If I judge myself too harshly, I'll fail on future attempts of real sustainable nofap
     
    corylife and TheBluePrint like this.
  12. OMINI MAN

    OMINI MAN Fapstronaut

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    Day 2
    I couldn't write.... On DAY1

    My parents were at village for 2 days and i was all alone, i had to do all the house chores and cooking.. Btw i was cooking for the 1st time in my lyf. Most of the time my mom used to cook for me & i used to think why is it taking so long... But now when i cooked.. I realized its not easy...
    I got the experience of living alone and cooking for yourself... I know its not a big deal but its a big thing 4 me. I'm lot stronger and experienced than yesterday
     
  13. jacksliver

    jacksliver New Fapstronaut

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    Hi, day 1 here. 40yo WM, Ive been struggling with this for as long as can remember. Married 7 years and kept well hidden. Really trying to break this and be healthier. I work out and game on PS5 for hobbies.
     
  14. Plethe

    Plethe Fapstronaut

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    You can do this! Get out of your environment where you habitually PMO, take a walk, go for a drive, go grab some food with a friend. The urges are temporary, and the setting makes it so much easier - so get out until it chills.
     
  15. Plethe

    Plethe Fapstronaut

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    That's awesome - cooking for yourself can be fun, even if it's challenging. Sounds like a good life step - congrats!
     
    corylife and TheBluePrint like this.
  16. WalktheLine

    WalktheLine Fapstronaut

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    [/QUOTE]
    Maybe someday I could figure out a way to be grateful
     
    corylife, Plethe and TheBluePrint like this.
  17. WalktheLine

    WalktheLine Fapstronaut

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    Yep that's definitely how it is wormtongue says hey forget your Consciousness leave the car to drive itself and it does right into the shithole of past sexual conditioning in past images in past euphoric recall and all of that conditioning...
    So I did not consciously go to bed setting myself up for today so naturally I relapsed I didn't read yellow my yellow book I didn't run excetera....
    So I'm going to try and recover those things and then I'm going to really start thinking about how I can fuck wormtongue up...
    There are ways to interrupt our programming so I'm going to reflect on that a little bit thank you

     
    corylife, Plethe and TheBluePrint like this.
  18. WalktheLine

    WalktheLine Fapstronaut

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    God I feel so shity today.... Just PMo/edge for four hours last night, and three hours this morning, and such a person as me, will feel shitty.....
     
  19. Plethe

    Plethe Fapstronaut

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    It's temporary. Put this in the past, and reset.
     

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