Why do our partners say we have "a big one" when it's just not true?

I think you're overthinking it. Some options

1) it's just her preferred line of dirty talk, what comes to her head
2) she really thinks it - in some way or another
3) she thinks you like it

Have you simply been honest with her - said while you appreciate the compliment, your (and emphasize your) insecurities don't allow you to accept it and in fact make you feel worse. Then you can hash out everything and be done with it?

 

I don't have an answer. I don't tell men it is big unless it is really big. I also don't care though. I know this might sound crazy but I actually wanted smaller men because I want my options to stay open. I feel like if you continue to sleep with bigger men on a regular basis you won't be able to feel the smaller man as much. I also like that i can sleep with them without discomfort. I can feel amazing with a smaller guy just as good as a bigger one. The only time I've wanted a bigger guy was recently

some insight?[/QU
I don't have an answer. I don't tell men it is big unless it is really big. I also don't care though. I know this might sound crazy but I actually wanted smaller men because I want my options to stay open. I feel like if you continue to sleep with bigger men on a regular basis you won't be able to feel the smaller man as much. I also like that i can sleep with them without discomfort. I can feel amazing with a smaller guy just as good as a bigger one. The only time I've wanted a bigger guy was recently and that is because my boyfriend always asks about the toy that he wanted me to get. I never liked toys before I just wanted the real thing. But he kept bugging me about using it so I did. He doesn't understand that after i use that i really don't want him anymore. The feeling isn't there. And also due to his comments about me not having enough ass or the body of a twelve year old and of course his porn and masturbation use I just don't feel attracted to him anymore. And honestly i wanted to watch videos so that i could stop feeling like I wasn't enough anymore and stop caring. But when this guy that I've known for years (before my fiance) showed me his I suddenly want a bigger guy. Not that this guy isn't attractive I just didn't think about it. I think some women just throw size in a guys face after the guy has hurt them. I see women that didn't say anything as long as they are happy but then if the man makes them angry they use that to hurt them. But I didn't care about size until I realized that I'm not the body type my fiance wants I'm just nice enough to date him. So i can say that even though some women will throw it in your face you probably shouldn't feel insecure about it. Also i think maybe they just want to talk sexy i guess because men say they love that but they just don't have anything else to say. Maybe they are trying to impress you idk.

 

I do believe this. When i was in love with my partner he was perfect to me. But as i found out why he had delayed ejaculation with me and seeing that he just continued to hide it from me and lie it just tore everything apart.

 

Also some men get bigger than usual the more they are turned on. Like my fiance there have been times where he has gotten bigger. It is not all the time but it happens. He's not always the same size. This may be the case for you. I really think women just say this because that's what our society pushes on us. If we don't talk dirty we are not seen as good in bed. I just don't give in to it. But a lot of women do. And maybe she just enjoys it and that makes it seem bigger. I think a smaller man can seem big when they are inside as long as I'm having fun. And if the relationship is going good. My friend just told me that in America we are so fixated on size but she doesn't care as long as it feels nice. I was this way also.

 

I'm glad my wife doesn't lie. I'm not big, I'm not small, she doesn't pretend either way. I'd feel like you if I felt like she was saying I was big all the time, confused and belittled. My wife deosn't have a big - or small - chest. Sometimes it looks bigger or perkier, and I tell her. But I'm not about to say it every day cause it'd be fake and she knows it. The fact is if your willy does its job and you do your job, that's all that matters.

 

No problem and anytime! I love the way you write and how thoughtful you are and how you consider porn usage and the effects on partners. So anything i can do to help. I am probably that race they say to avoid lol. But i am a very small woman but I still think I'm shapely and i love being small because i like to eat lol, and I just love being me. I tend to attract men outside of my race as well as in, idk why, and my fiance is outside of my race.

 

There's a lot more to sex than Penis size. There's foreplay, fingering, oral and most important is rubbing her clitoris. You can even include sex Toys If you're both comfortable with that. As long as the session is ending with both of you sexually satisfied, it doesn't matter if your penis is smaller than usual.

 

Size is relative, and varies by ethnicity/race. For instance, “The Indians are only about four inches on average in size. That means India is the country with the second smallest average penile length in the world.” Also, women are slightly different down there too. As long as you are compatible there is no problem. Plus g spot is only 1-3 inches deep so you can there with no issues. If i were to compare to my spouse , he is around 8 inches, yes that is smaller but that being said who cares? You come as a package not just your ****. There are no perfect packages. I love my spouse and his size but that being said i would trade a few inches for a foot rub I have never had , or a bit longer foreplay, or a back rub ( again never had) or more frequent spontaneous kisses or hugs. If you have fingers and lips and willingness you can totally satisfy your woman. Sexual satisfaction is about more than just the size… it is about everything…i would rather have someone with a small one than a jerk and unattractive to me with a big one. Plus there are disadvantages of having a big one, it hurts like hell if he wants to go deep and rough. Rough ok, deep fine, rough and deep no-no…But i do find it strange her making fun of guys with smaller size. I prefer not to make fun of issues related to husband’s insecurities even though i don’t even-think there is a problem. My husband, for instance, is 5”6” and I am 5”5 and he has a problem with that, especially him being a basketball player in the past in the national team of his country ( he was bullied ). I just don’t mention the topic, why would I want hurt him? May be a it is a sit down and talk time. Let her know how you feel.

 

This is an interesting OP. It perhaps gives a bit of an insight into how women think. When I'm in a relationship I like to shower my girlfriend with compliments. It brings me joy when a woman feels good and beautiful. I would tell my ex she was one of the most beautiful to ever live. She would laugh and say I was being silly but she did enjoy it as well. Obviously, I wasn't stating facts, the goal wasn't to state facts but to make her feel good about herself. Maybe that's what your exes were doing. Maybe it brought them joy to compliment you. Sometimes facts don't matter in a relationship.

The NHS article on penis size is pretty good. Here's an extract from it:

Regardless of actual size, many men are still unhappy with the size of their manhood.

A study based on the results of an internet-based survey of more than 50,000 men and women revealed that 45% of men would like a larger penis. The report by Professor Kevan Wylie, a consultant in sexual medicine at the University of Sheffield, concluded that excessive concerns about penis size were higher among men with average-sized penises than men with small ones.

Professor Wylie's report also found differences between what women and men think. A much higher percentage of women (85%) were satisfied with their partner's penis size than the percentage of men (55%) who were satisfied with their own penis size.

According to Professor Wylie, the issue of attractiveness to women is complex. However, most studies suggest that penis size is much lower down the list of priorities for women than such issues as a man's personality and grooming.

Professor Wylie says: "It may come as a surprise to some young men, but most women have very little interest in the size of their penis and that's been shown in numerous studies over time."

He says research shows that when it comes to sex, women are much more interested in whether you are romantic, tender and sensitive to their needs and desires than your penis size.

If you're still worried Counselling has proven to be beneficial for men with penis anxiety. Therapy helps patients identify and correct any distorted views about their penis, build self-confidence and overcome fears about sexual relationships.

Professor Wylie says: "Therapy allows these men to overcome their anxiety about meeting a potential partner, where before they wouldn't even dare engage because of their fear."

 

Hey man. I'm sad to read that still after 2 years you're battling with the same thoughts, but haven't confronted your partner. What is stopping you?

 

Tbh, I am a woman, and I have no idea the answer to any of these questions. Maybe it's because I've never been a part of hookup culture, but I've never told my husband he's big, nor have I told him he's not. That just doesn't seem important to me as a thing I should mention.

I've never had sex with anyone but him, so my only comparison would be porn, which I know is often exaggerated, and my ex, who I know was quite large (just through physical activity with clothes on, I could tell. I never saw him or touched him there.)

So yeah. Idk. Maybe she really does think you're big. Maybe she doesn't have experience with anyone bigger. Also, I think men worry too much about size, because plenty of women quite frankly don't want some giant dong ripping them apart. That sounds painful, not enjoyable.

OP, if you're really worried about it or dislike her saying that, just tell her. She can't read your mind, and I'm sure she wouldn't want to say something that offends you or upsets you, especially when she's trying to make you feel good. You have to communicate your needs.

 

Well, tbh, that's kind of on you, if you haven't told her it bothers you. She has no reason to think a comment like that would be anything other than flattering, unless you tell her how you feel.

If you have told her and she still does it, then that's a different story. But if you haven't told her, then it's really kind of unfair to be upset with her or using an eyeroll emoji and complaining about it to people online. I would imagine if she's just trying to make you feel good, she would probably be extremely embarrassed to know you've been talking to strangers online about this for two years and haven't told her how it makes you feel.

 

This is an interesting post, and it's a good example of why communicating your needs and desires is so important. Because for me, I really wouldn't enjoy it if my husband said I was the most beautiful woman in the world. Compliments that aren't true really bother me greatly, especially after having an ex who said a lot of romantic, sweet things and then ended up being kind of full of crap. It just feels like condescending platitude to me, and almost could be a form of manipulation.

I know that's not how most people feel, but for me, that's how it is. So I need to communicate that to whoever I'm with, if they started to say things like "you're the most beautiful woman in the world" to me. I wouldn't be upset with them, I would just need to tell them that if their goal is to make me feel good, that isn't a good way to accomplish that goal, because it has the opposite effect.

I think it's really important to talk about this stuff with your partner. Because a good partner wants to love you and cherish you in the way that will make you feel the best, but they aren't going to magically know how to speak your language. So sometimes you have to tell them how you want to be loved, so they know what speaks to your soul the most and what doesn't.

 

Oh, okay, here it is. I think this is the key issue, my friend. It's not about your size, it's about trust. You seem to have the same issue I have, with a history of partners (or in my case just one partner) who gave you platitudes that ended up being a lie and cruelly rescinded after the relationship was over.

This makes perfect sense to me why it would bother you so much when she says that. It's tied to your previous experience and makes you fear that she, too, is not genuine and doesn't actually love you and will eventually leave you. You feel you can't trust her words.

This was a deep cut for me, because my love language was words of affirmation. But my ex kind of ruined that. My love language has made a great shift to acts of service, now, because I don't feel that I can trust words. At least not right away. After almost 9 years of marriage, I definitely trust my husband's words now, and words of affirmation are valuable to me again. But for a while, my trust in words was very broken and compliments that felt untrue or exaggerated only served to annoy me and spark doubt in my mind about whether I could ever trust his words, if he was willing to lie to me so easily, even if only a white lie like "you're the most beautiful woman in the world."

So yeah, I totally get this. I think you should talk to your lady about it.