Contraception and penis sensitivity

My spouse and I have been battling this issue for years. He has always had DE, and needs to go deep to be able to finish, now after abstaining from porn it has gotten better but still somewhat a present problem. My issue with him is not orgasming from regular intercourse each time. The issue is he also doesn’t like condoms, ( loses erection) he was able to feel a diaphragm and didn’t like it( loses erection , complaints that it hurts). I have never tried female condoms but given his reaction to regular condoms and diaphragm i don’t even want to try. And the condoms were not even regular but extra thin. Then, I even bought the thinnest condom on the market -aoni ( turned out to be to small and he claims cut his circulation) so i got some regular sized trojans bare skin since asian condoms are smaller. I have never tried larger because they don’t appear to have extra thin and i have read that even bigger onces are suppose to fit into regular condoms. And they do fit but may be cut circulation? I thought it was psychological or his “ male bs” but he truly loses an erection within minutes of putting it on and he did appear to try a few times, after that he doesn’t even want to try anymore. I was considering IUD but i am already a chicken about but to add an insult to the injury he is not supportive of this and they seems to have a “ tail” . I am not going through a procedure just for him to say he doesn’t like the tail. The issue i I don’t really want anything hormonal: 1. I am already semicrazy without the added hormones but at least it is manageable. I have just gotten my mental health under control. I have a high stakes career and I don’t want to mess with my moods. ; 2. I am really enjoying my sex drive. I hear many women on hormonal birth control lose libido then what is the point of birth control if it not needed? I see many men here complaining about wifes’ low sex drive. 3. Perhaps, i shouldn’t think that this is how it would be for me but during pregnancy , post partum
and nursing my sex drive was very different much much lower, so i do think hormones have everything to do with it. But then we stuck again with a natural /calendar method ( i am lucky to have very regular periods) but the 2 times they were bot regular… well we have 3 kids …and with one in the middle …we just pushed the limits of that calendar … and learned a lesson about “ them” surviving for 7 days. The great thing is that we have gotten very good at it through the years. We know his sperms are “ alive” for as long as 7 days apparently and we can almost pinpoint my ovulation to the hour almost , i share my calendar with him, but my worry is that his DE is also like his PTSD from having kids and not porn induced because he can never be 100 % sure . He is afraid to use” pull out” for the same reason even though he never failed to complete it and we have never gotten pregnant from that. Should we go IUD route despite his “ sensitivities”, persist with condoms despite his “ lack of sensitivity” or be open minded about the hormones? Or just let it be with the natural method and deal with his psychological inhibitions? Sterilization is not an option due to his religious beliefs and abortion is not an option for me for spiritual/psychological issues( he seems to not have issues with it) despite me being pro-choice and secular. We seem to be bad with each other in that sense and “ stuck”. Where to compromise? After reading some posts here about “ sizes” my last hope is trying larger condoms since he is 8 inches when fully erect but honestly probably slightly smaller when he is tired… if I even could convince him to put it on. I guess it is funny that he is 40 and I am 33 and we still don't know how to use condoms…. Should i just accept that it is ok that i enjoy it the most ( mid cycle) when he enjoys it the least and he enjoys it the most ( not mid cycle) when I enjoy it the least… and make peace with it? It just seems asynchronous somehow

 

Islam… You are no suppose to permanently alter the body as it is the God’s wish to create it the way it is…i suppose… which he is kind of hypocritical about anyways because he was the one trying to convince to have an abortion 10 years ago….but i have second thoughts about too… what if he wants to leave me and have another baby… i don’t want to be selfish…or who knows may be in 10 years we will decide to have one… i just don't like permanency…I don’t want to have any babies now or in the near future. I know none of them are 100 proof … either… i am still sad about his addiction ( he has done a great job abstaining from any porn for like a month) but I also can’t stop
thinking that he resorted to it as a way of contraception ( probably not just that) . I want to provide more security for him ... Honestly, i don’t know what I want… may be better communication on the issue… but I am hitting a roadblock and left to solve it on my own.

 

What about the tail of copper iud? Can you feel it in any way?