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Starting a new journey

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by LakeMichigan, Sep 17, 2015.

  1. LakeMichigan

    LakeMichigan Fapstronaut

    Hi All,
    I just stumbled on this may be an hour ago. I tried to reboot my self a few times with mixed results. I relapsed 20 days ago and I am glad I found this site and this will be day 0 of my reboot.
    I little about me. I just turned 40 and sometimes I cannot believe I am still struggling with this. PMO has significantly altered course of my life but I know underneath I probably don't have skills related emotional regulations. Most of my P is a result of upcoming deadline or related some stress in my life.
    I have started to exercise, meditate and do yoga everyday for the past 50 days. I know I have less anxiety now but that didn't stop me from relapsing. I need additional help and that is why I am here. Hope to better my self and life in the near future.

    Cheers
     
    Last edited: Sep 17, 2015
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  2. Jakob

    Jakob Fapstronaut

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    Welcome!
    Good luck on your quest!:)
    I'm 39 and we seem to have a similar background regarding P. I'm just one week in, and it's my first attempt with more resources around me.
    Here's to a clean future!:D
     
  3. LakeMichigan

    LakeMichigan Fapstronaut

    Thanks Jakob.

    I cannot post links yet as I am still new but there is an article on WSJ by Shirley S. Wang on procrastination (Aug 31, 2015) which you may find useful if you have similar background on p
     
  4. Jakob

    Jakob Fapstronaut

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    Thanks, I'll check it out.
    I've realized that I need powerful reasons why, in order to get the leverage. I have gotten a lot of good input from Tony Robbins, and he says that you need to turn your "shoulds" into "musts". For example: If I just look at the failure if I relapse, I get much less motivation than if I see that it can potentially cost me my marriage.
    I'm working on some strategies to use in this process. Do you have any specific "formulas" for a successful reboot?
     
  5. LakeMichigan

    LakeMichigan Fapstronaut

    After a lot of research what I found was it is really difficult to overcome urges by suppressing it and else where in the forum you will find "urge surfing" references. This is nothing new and was used in eastern mediation practices. I went to a meditation camp (non religious in nature and is free ) where I first heard about this technique and it makes sense that it works.
    The technique is you build will power via meditation on a daily basis and do not react to "body sensations" and by extension to worldly distractions until they subside and they do subside because of body's natural chemistry. This is called vipassana technique and is non religious in nature but you have to invest 10 days of your time to get started and I tell you it is well worth it and many times over.
    I think this meditation is helpful to me because I need to regulate my emotions in the times of stress and not get distracted. Once I stay focused stress should go away as I realize I am nearing the completion of task. It is easier said than done and I am still in early stages of making this a daily routine.
    However, I can vouch for any kind of aerobic activity lowering stress levels and I am also incorporating that as part of routine.

    Hope this helps

     
  6. Jakob

    Jakob Fapstronaut

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    This is very interesting. I've been practicing mindfulness now and then, but haven't managed to create the habit. This sounds a bit more intricate.
    I guess the paradox is that I haven't had the peace of mind to work on my peace of mind...
     
  7. LakeMichigan

    LakeMichigan Fapstronaut

    I totally overlooked this part and I think I also struggle with motivation sometimes. I wonder what happened to all the "strong resolves" of the past? how and when did they become weak and why I am searching for new reasons? I had all the reasons I needed when I made the "strong resolve"...
    I think part of this can be addressed by momentum which is what I am trying to develop..When I made the last strong resolve I made the tiniest life long commitment that I can keep which is to do yoga and meditation for 15 minutes daily. This commitment is irrespective of whether I slip or not and so far I kept it for the last 55 days. I believe these tiny meditation sessions will add up and over come other urges if done for sufficiently long number of days. Of course, I still have to take all the help I can get from all other resources and behave with common sense.
     
  8. Jakob

    Jakob Fapstronaut

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    I think one of the keys is that the "why" needs to be stronger than the "why not", and that can change over time. The reason why needs maintenance, and sometimes it requires more/new reasons.
    For instance: When trying to lose weight, I usually start with a strong resolve, but when it doesn't comes easy I come up with reasons why I don't have to. "It's only the belly, the legs and upper body is normal." " If I move more, I can eat more. I'll start with the eating first."
    I did a body scan at work that showed that my belly fat is posing a threat to me. I even managed to disregard that!
    The only time I was able to follow through and do it properly was when I had a competition with a friend. Health issues don't scare me, but losing to a friend clearly does...
    I'm just getting started again on the weight loss, and I realize that I need to stack up with reasons why, because I'm clearly a master of the reasons why not!
    And, like you say, there is a point to keep going, even after a missed meditation, because you want the long term benefit. Otherwise you could use it at a reason to quit.
     

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