I hate myself

LOSEmyselftoSAVEmyself · Feb 25, 2022

jurte said: ↑

I hate myself.

I hate myself with all my heart. As a result, I hate those who overcome this addiction. I hate them because I'm weak. I hate them because they're bragging with their 30+, 40+ days streak, and I can't even go two days since the end of January. I don't know what to do, this is the end. Nothing works, I get up earlier, set my mind to discipline and hard work. I watch those youtubers, handsome and fit with their perfect streaks and occasional slip ups. I love women, I want to be with them. But I won't be with them because I'm a fuckup. And all you who say "JUST KEEP GOING" or "YOU HAVE TO STAY COMMITED" you can go to hell. I hate y'all. I do daily push ups, squats, bicep curls and nothing works. My body looks good but I feel like shit. I workout and my testosterone rises and I just want to release. And I don't do it in a usual way, pornhub and five minute session. I would be grateful for that. I used to do that before i came across NoFap. But nowadays, I edge for hours while posting pics of me naked with my face in them on NSFW subreddits or I pay for videochats.

I'm a mess and I'm aware of that. My soul died, I'm probably the worst case on this website and in history of humankind. I just can't. Three years! Three fucking years and going a week without jerking off is an achievment for me. I feel bad, anxious, insecure and weak. I have an exam tomorrow which I'm going to fail. Reading doesn't help, praying doesn't help, hobbies don't help. I want to be a normal human being. I don't know why I posted on here. Since. At the end of the day. I don't matter.
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If you would consider starting a 90 day hard mode reboot, all this negativity will change.

Just focus on making it through each day without PMO. Don't worry about tomorrow.

Because you can make it through TODAY.

Keep coming back to focusing on TODAY. The time will build, be patient.

RealityBender1111 · Feb 27, 2022

Overforme said: ↑

This post is what's called Addict Out of Control. Simply put, your addict has his claws sunk deep into you currently and he's doing exactly what he's supposed to. He is breaking you down and making you feel worthless. The fact is, I was once like this. I wanted to just die. I felt like nothing could make me ever stop my daily multiple hours of PMO sessions. The fact is, I did stop. I manned up and made goals. I got my stuff together and in order. I became a man. I started to organize my things. I cleaned my place. I wrote down what I want and how I'll get it. Now I know PMO in my life will never make me reach my goals. NEVER. You need to grab your addict by his ass, you need to sit your butt down and tell your addict that you're declaring war on it's ass. You tell your addict that the time has come to put him to rest. You are your own man and you are here to succeed. We only get 1 chance at this life. You were non existent before you came into existence, and the day will come where you will once again become non existent again. Do you want to have your personal legacy to be that of a PMO addict or do you want to lay a new foundation with new bricks and become the man you can? If I have transformed you can too. How am I so sure? Well my lowest point was sitting in bed all morning depressed and not being able to move. I cried for hours and sometimes didn't get up until after dark to just go eat 1 meal. Dude, do it for you. Defeat this beast. Join the star studded club.
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What rituals do i have to do to join this Star Cult my Brother !

RealityBender1111 · Feb 27, 2022

MovingOnFromThePast said: ↑

I just fapped to an old video of my old relationship that end 5 years ago. I don't feel good about it at all and should delete the video. I gave my partner a STD and had to tell the truth 5 years ago. 5 years later i still masturbate and watch P. I tried working out for years but was never consistent. I finally decided to get my life together last year and i went back to school, started to hit the gym more and everything was going better but still PMO while making some "progress" in life. On Tuesday of this week, i fucked up hard in school, and now i have to repeat the term which is going to cost me more money and TIME. I kept on saying to myself "i fucked up" over and over again like when i gave my ex an STD. What's fucking pathetic is that I masturbated to our old sex video and then thinking about it like damn its been 5 fucking years and I still PMO when I told myself i would stop.

I haven't been on this forum in a while and when i do come on, I'm always at my lowest. I read your post and wanted to share.
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Cast the video in the Fire , Destroy it ! burry it in the bottom of the deepest ocean ! such thing will bring you nothing but misery !

RealityBender1111 · Feb 27, 2022

Jager Lives on said: ↑

Addiction is just a symptom, and not a cause. It could be a symptom of many things, and probably a lot of things. It could be past traumas for example. Addiction is an attempt to fill in a void in your life, to fill a gap that cant be filled.
I speak from EXPERIENCE you are NOT the WORST case in the HISTORY OF HUMAN KIND. For a start my addiction was longer in duration and more intense than what you have described, I also struggled and continue to struggle for a long time with a successful recovery.
But PMO and nofap is just the start of my issues I am working to fix to improve my life everyday. Im not trying to downplay your problems or say that I am better than you because of that, but your not the worst PMOer.
My advice would be to consult a male therapist knowledgeable in internet porn and masturbation addiction, he can help you get to the bottom of it and give you advice to improve your life overall. You may or may not stop PMO , but things will be better because your life will get better. I would then stay of nofap and related things for a while, whilst focusing on improving my overall life.
The key is to understand the function of PMO for you , what is PMO actually doing for you that keeps you using it.
It has nothing to do with willpower, focusing on TODAY, doing excersize, taking cold showers, motivation, manning up etc... If these worked I and many other nofap users would have been on 500 days along time ago.
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