Rejection, the mind killer

The title immediately made me think of Dune: fear is the mind killer. I like to read the Stoics a lot and I'm reminded of Epictetus who was a slave whose master broke his leg, he said "do not fear death, fear the fear of death.". In another place he expanded on it, I'll translate for rejection (many people have historically preferred death to shame): "It is our attitude toward events, not the events themselves, which we can control. Nothing is by its own nature calamitous - even rejection is terrible only if we fear it.". It's cool that this topic came up, I am in Workaholics Anonymous and I was just thinking an hour ago about a sponsee whom I really enjoyed talking with and then felt rejected even it was very clear best that we go different directions. So this is good for me to look at, like getting let out of prison, for me my social instinct goes so it of control wanting so desperately for people to like me that it becomes a prison and any escape I find very welcome.

 

Rejection has a somewhat comical part to it. I mean, one person approaches another and tries to start...something. So many variables come into play. The own wording, body language, intentions, past experiences, heck even smell - not only your own but the other persons too. It can can be utterly ridiculouse and frustrating. So I feel you completely friend, but there is real genuine humor to be found in rejection.
I hope this helps someone!

 

i know its tough but remember you are perfect and lovable with 0 or 1000 rejections.

 

Rejection, the mind alert
Rejection isn't a bad or a negative thing as it sounds, people don't reject us by their choice, it just weren't meant to be together.

 

Fear of rejection is a defense mechanism (avoidance) where the ego fails to find realistic ways to bring comfort if faced with a difficult situation. So in that sense (according to Freud) it is an unconscious process of self-deception.
We cling to our egos too much and thus become slaves of our subconscious. If the ego is causing all this, detachment makes sense so you dont belong to anything and you're free to have a clearer perspective. So yes fear kills the mind but only because we cling to it (the mind that is). Therefore, stepping outside the mind is the only solution to overcoming fear.

Think about it, if you could step outside yourself and perceive a situation objectively, rather than filtered through the tangled web you call a 'mind' think of how much control you'd have over what you say and importantly, how you say it. The anticipation and expectation would dissipate.

How do you detach yourself from mind? You meditate regularly and eventually learn the distinction between spirit and self. You see 'spirit' is the thing that drives life, not the mind. The mind is but a tool. The spirit is what lures and attracts people to you, especially intuitive people. Women are intuitive.
Forget all your psychology books, all your strategies on social anxiety! learn about spirit. Spirit is unchanging and uncorrupted.

 

Based on what you wrote in the OP I'm not totally sure it's rejection. You said she's not a native English speaker, maybe she's shy and the culture she comes from could explain that, (maybe talking to strangers is a big deal even if she's a legal adult) but of course I wasn't there.

Now maybe you noticed other things you didn't write down but just bear with me on this line of thought: IF it wasn't rejection, that would mean you are reacting to your interpretation of how things played out rather than a clear no. In that case it's something your own mind, or one part of your mind created based on the situation, so there's both that and the reaction. Just putting that out there as a possibility, you can see if it has any relevance for you.

 

Nonsense. Your attitude toward being imminently being murdered, for example, wouldn't change the fact it was going to happen. You could bliss out and think to yourself, "This is actually ok" all you want. It would be calamitous. I don't know why people think building some kind of phony construct in your mind overrides reality.

P.S. - There's a word for the sounds-like-it-was-made-up-by-a-five-year-old "sponsee". It's called "beneficiary".

 

Rejection has nothing to do with you.

It's the other person's mindset, schedule, likes/dislikes, and issues that are in THEIR way for getting to know an awesome person, who is you, of course.


But being positive and friendly doesn't get you a date, does it?

So my suggestion is to learn Dan Bacon's way on You Tube.

Make her laugh by making fun, in a non-offensive way, of her.

Try it like this, "Bringing your dog to the park? I was going to bring my shark. Walk it around through the trails. It didn't seem to want to go..."

 

How would your example be making fun of her? If anything, it makes the person saying it seem like a weirdo.
And do you really think everyone is awesome?

 

I guess it wasn't. Either way, if you fear making her laugh, then you're going to be lonely.

Because you WILL BE a weirdo. There is no getting around it. Some girls are going to think you're a weirdo. They will think you aren't funny, a creep, or human excrement.

And that is ok. You just go on to the next. Because if you do, your success is a certainty.

But if you get stuck in doubt, fear, worrying what she thinks, then you can't succeed.

Don't you think some people watch Dennis Miller, Eddie Murphy, Dennis Leary and others, and think, "what is so funny about them? They aren't funny. This is a waste of time to watch." ?

But each comedian has an audience. People pay money to go see them live.

No. But everybody has "something" awesome about them, at least. You're here, aren't you? You are here to either be more awesome or discover what your awesome is.

 

Nah, there's nothing awesome about me. I'm just a run-of-the-mill, boring guy.

 

No, you are a writer.

 

Well I did write the posts you've seen. Don't make me out to be Stephen King.

 

I'm just saying that if you have an eye for grammar, prose, punctuation, maybe you have a talent.

 

Maybe. That and a dollar will get me a cup of coffee.

 

It's what you make it. You can accept the failure that hasn't happened yet. Or you can put your nose to the grindstone, spend a year or two, and write an incredible book.

 

Nobody gives a fuck about me. Who am I kidding?

 

It's not others task to give about you.
It's your task to learn to give about you.
With Gods help, that is really possible.