Does fantasy effect reboot?

I have read that fantasizing about sex or fantasizing about porn scene memories or things like that... That this sort of fantasizing is actually a "secret leak" of energy. So that you are actually, even without knowing it, becoming weaker by fantasizing.

 

In my experience fantasizing about sex leads to a gradual weakening of resolve, which eventually leads to relapse.

 

If you're giving up m, then fantasies are out of the question. If I fantasize it usually leads to m so I try to cut it out when it comes into my head and if I dwell on it for a second, it builds up and I give in

 

Fantasy is definitely harmful. It costantly reminds you of porn, and tempt you to relapse. Also, if you are determined to quit porn, why would you fantasize at all? That is like deciding to quit smoking but staring at a cigarette box all day long.

 

Yes, I do think it's bad but there's only so much we can do about it. We can't control our thoughts, so it's perfectly normal that you have a dream or a thought about having sex. The more important stuff is that those are urges, don't act upon them with P or M, instead try to distract yourself with exercise or other things, and realize that with time in your reboot these fantasies will become weaker and weaker.

 

The fact is that we don't know.

Good question to ask is that when and how you fantasize. Do you replay porn scenes in your head everytime you feel cravings for porn? Probably not good.

I know there's lot of people who condemn sexual thoughts because of religion. That's different. If you have normal sexual thoughts, that doesn't involve porn scenes or porn cravings, then I don't think you need to suppress them. Suppressing any thoughts isn't good idea. There is a huge difference between porn and sexuality, and we all need to find the fine line for ourselves.

 

The idea of reboot slows down recovery to a crawl. It takes no account of the nature of the mind, instead of looking at life's experience there's a lot of ideas about how the future will go. I try to pay attention while taking actions contrary to my ideas. I wanted to stop using pm not stop using pm for a period of time and people who knew better than me taught me things (almost no overlap with the advice you get on this site most of which I had already tried for years) that helped and more importantly to watch my thoughts. Almost definitely you'll hear that as "don't think x y or z thoughts" but it just means what the words look like they say nothing else. There's guiding principles, new ways of looking at things, practices, but it all starts with doing whatever it takes to not use masturbation or pornography. I find as I stick with that everything else becomes clearer with each year of sobriety.

 

I will say the last few weeks I've had almost no fantasies, and my productivity and ability to put on muscle have both improved. And I haven't done anything different with my routine or changed diet.

I think your brain on porn website said some fantasy about normal sex could be helpful for someone who hasn't had sex. However in all other scenarios it's probably counter productive IMO.

I would even go as far as to say fantasising with a normal sexuality no porn addiction could still be problematic if there's no sexual outlet. Basically working yourself up for something that's not going to happen.

 

It DOES! For anyone who is not sure, or who is using it as an excuse to continue. From a science perspective the brain links things together. e.g. I'm sure we've all heard of the experiment with dogs where you ring a bell and give them food. They associate the bell with food. If you ring the bell even when the dogs are not hungry their brains makes them salivate.

Similarly, p m and o are linked. If we do not use those links the're degraded slowly (usually takes about 90 days that's why most addictions use that timeline). If you fantasize while on nofap it keeps some of those pmo links from degrading, or they degrade slower.

That's why someone who does not peek, prevents fantasies and does not touch to test or edge heals faster or within 90 days. So there's a quality element to nofap. Also, you can stop actively work to stop fantasies using many methods. I used to count from 5-4-3-2-1 repeatedly while visualising the numbers until I stopped thinking or force any images or unwanted thoughts off my mind. After 3 to 4 weeks I could more easily stop fantasies.

 

I'm two months in now but I have to admit, I still struggle with fantasising, particularly early in the morning. It's like my brain's default setting when waking up is to think about women and sex(and porn). I shouldn't entertain them but I often do, not all the time but when you're tired and groggy it's easy to just get caught in the flow. I do the counting trick or try to think of something entirely different but before I know it I'm back to the sexy thoughts again, I think when this happens I need to just get out of bed as they typically begin to subside once I get up.

I did reboot previously(not fully but to the point of libido and erections returning) whilst still fantasising quite a lot so I don't think thoughts alone will stop you from recovering but they do likely slow down the process, by how much though no one can really know.

I do remember on day 30 something though I came across a very attractive girl at the supermarket and I couldn't help but keep checking her out. I reasoned with myself that well at least it's a real girl and not a screen but afterwards I felt that same buzzed feeling in my head that I'd get from looking at porn, I really didn't sleep well that night either. It seems that, in my case at least, avoiding anything visually arousing is the most important factor in order to heal, I don't seem to experience the same negative consequences through thoughts alone.

 

I have a question.

If you have no sexual fantasy, how do you desire having sex with your partner or a potential mate?

In my view, it takes all the fun out of it. Removing fantasy, the only way is hard mode.

Thoughts?

 

Yes this clears it up a lot. If we think of fantasies as a cue for a reward, it's more logical to try our best to avoid that cue.

Fantasies can be passing thoughts that come up out of nowhere, out of our control. But we can control how we then deal with them, and I think the counting down method you mentioned is a good example.

 

I had a very similar thing happen recently. I was a few weeks in, and had zero issues really. I'd even had casual conversation with women and exchanged eye contact with attractive women etc. That seemed okay for me.

However, one visit to a cafe and one incident where I saw an attractive girl in a certain way and looked a few times, that seemed to get to me. I'd accidentally worked myself up more than I thought. And for a good 3 days after I had troubles with fantasies and slight brain fog.

I managed to avoid relapse that time, more or less normal now. But I'll definitely be watching I don't check out women too much for the next few months.

 

I can't speak from rebooting in a relationship, I'm sure that comes with different challenges when you live with someone or see them regularly and are avoiding sex.

However finding a woman through flirting and dating, I think that can happen without fantasy. I guess ultimately a fantasy is putting our thoughts into the future, so being more present and taking each day for what it is could help ground our thoughts.

Fantasy can be good I'm sure. But just problematic for us at the time of reboot. But I don't think it's actually necessary. Our drive for sex doesn't need much assistance when we're sexually healthy. So, aside from flatline periods, I think the desire should be there.

 

Yes, it will. Especially if its fantasies you'd be embarrassed to admit to someone. I successfully quit for several years. And that go around, what drove me was a total commitment to it. If I began letting my mind play out a fantasy, I'd squash it immediately. It was tough to do! But you really really have to be on guard. Fantasizing leads to justifying.

 

I think there's quite a few concepts out there, it's good to try a few and see what works for you.

Personally I've learned some Acceptance and Commitment Theory (ACT) techniques. I also try breathing techniques to become present and relax. Failing those, weighing up the pros and cons can work.

Cons like brain fog, dyslexia, loss of energy, trouble getting to sleep.

Someone said doing NoFap 100% is easy, doing it 99% is a bitch. A fantasy doesn't guarantee you'll relapse, but I think the recovery hits a speed bump.

 

I'd say find something distracting. Often boredum is a big trigger for me, so have options. I'll tell you mine. Bored playing video game, fantasy thought pops up....okay shut off the video game and go play some music. Okay that got boring so I'll go work out....okay done with that so back to a video game....okay that got boring so I'll go tie some flies (I fly fish). Give yourself some things that you can make into a habit to go do, and keep your mind occupied with as much of it as possible. If fantasies and thoughts creep in, move onto something else and change your situation. Its hard...the hardest thing you'll do. But grit your teeth and stick with it and it gets easier over time.

 

Also develop a big "no" voice in your head. Any fantasy in your head can derail a reboot....at least for me. As soon as one comes up make it a point to yell "no" in your head, and physically change your setting/what you're doing. Find things entertaining enough to keep your brain focused for as long as you can manage. You can't just quit. You have to quit, and replace. Replace fantasizing and the time spent on bad things online with positive things.