[14-CHALLENGE] THE FOURTEEN DAYS CHALLENGE !

10 days

 

Day 1/14

 

Day 0

 

12/14 - bad day and feeling a bit down but know PMO only makes it worse not better.

 

Keep going, almost to that milestone

 

day 0/14

 

That's true! Keep it up, Bro.

 

Big Update

Hello everyone!
I have big updates to share over here...

First of all, thing are getting better even though I don't see it yet. Today I had another suicide ideation crisis, thankfully my online friends helped me go through it and I didn't do anything stupid at all. I just feel lonely, sad, frustrated, angry, etc. But I'm glad I didn't hurt myself...

However, I did something I didn't really know how to take. I watched porn again (and masturbated of course) in order to distract myself from the depression and suicidal thoughts. I hadn't watched a single video since November 17th, 2021 and I'm proud of that.
And today it didn't feel that bad, although I have to recognize I kinda regret doing it I had promised myself to never watch that shit again but I did it, in order to save myself from something worse I guess...

My focus now is on staying alive for my trip. Bad stuff has happened at home. Now I hate my parents, they have destroyed an important part of me with their over protection and I will need a lot of time and distance to even consider forgiving them. I need to go for my trip so badly, I'm optimistic to travel on May 1st and finally get out of my room after 25+ months of social isolation and depression.

On other news, I am thinking about finding a partner on a daily basis. I really want to get to know someone worth my love, and start building a healthy relationship with her. I'm really lonely and I think that if I find a good girl who appreciates my traits I will improve my life so much... because I have been working so hard on other areas of my life, and I want to balance it all out with someone that cares for me without expecting stuff back.
Usually people just want to use me, I'm really sad for that, but I don't lose hope I might find a good person to share my life with soon... I just wish I could happier staying alone, I don't want to feel desperate but I accept I'm so lonely that I end up thinking more about it every time

And finally, my economical problems haven't disappeared. I'm still worried about it, but not as much as some weeks ago. I'm accepting that it's not my fault that my current conditions are these, it's my parent's responsibility and I'm already doing my best to help them. I am enough. They are the ones that have failed me.
I just hope I don't lose more money and that through my work in the US I can get some good money to pay my family's debt and start investing as we should have done a long time ago.

I still feel hopeless more often than optimistic, but I want to believe things will improve soon. I really hope it happens, otherwise I might end up taking bad decisions again.

Please if you read this don't hesitate to drop me some motivation, I really need it to keep going...
I'm so close to change my life, but I need a lot of support to keep going, because the fight hasn't been easy at all during all these past months...

It's not over until I win.
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I'm joining this 14-days challenge because I feel that it's what I need to get back on track with my NoFap journey, let's do it guys, we got this!

 

Hey, don't give up hope, yesterday i watched porn and relapsed. today start all again 0/14 for me. Let's walk the nofap journey,

 

Day 0/14

 

I'm in!

 

11 days

 

Shit, back to 0 again, i get same horny watching porn and interacting with girls, wtf wrong with me

 

0/14

 

Day 1

 

Day 1/14

 

12 days

 

Day 3

 

13/14, feeling pretty low, just glanced at some psubs but want to stay out of it and actually know I can, I get a bit fatalistic when I'm like this but that is a trick of an addicted brain, a self fulfilling prophecy. I've resisted in much worse times than this and had much stronger urges and come though and will again.

 

Alright, I'm on Day 2/14 complete.