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How come I still feel more aroused about a random pic online than my gf?.

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by greenishmoon, Mar 1, 2022.

  1. greenishmoon

    greenishmoon Fapstronaut

    Yea just that... Any other advice than "just abstain"?.
     
  2. HelperX

    HelperX Fapstronaut

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    There really are no other advices other than abstaining from porn and masturbation. Your libido will be back and you'll feel attracted to your gf again. Just be patient and abstain.
     
  3. ryukPLYZ

    ryukPLYZ Fapstronaut

    coz you like voyeurism my friend, thats all porn is voyeurism, you've started to like just watching more than being in the act.
    Start working out if you're not
    Expend enough energy anywhere else, so that you wouldn't have either the time or the energy left to masturbate.
     
    greenishmoon and Re-Life2010 like this.
  4. It’s voyeurism but it’s also the Coolidge Effect taking place. Watch Your Brain on Porn, the novelty of new unfamiliar and exotic partners causes us to get aroused quickly. Porn turns this up x100 and then all the sudden you have entire generations of people now who cannot maintain deep level relationships because they are addicted to that desire for never ending novel partners. Cue - the Tinders and tv shows constantly promoting this and you get how this has become normalized this dysfunction and inability to form deep long lasting relationship. (Not saying that’s you)

    But that’s pretty much where we are at in this state of the world; a large chunk of humanity at least.

    porn is like gasoline poured on this desire fire.
     
  5. Coub

    Coub Fapstronaut

    This is how nature works... we're created to share/prolong existence of our DNA as much as possible and your brain orders you to action. It doesn't recognise that it's artificial. Pretty primitive instinct. There's difference between love and sexual attraction. It's normal to be sexually attracted by other women but it doesn't mean we shouldn't control instincts, we're not animals.
     
    Last edited: Mar 25, 2022

  6. I’ve never heard this view until now, but it makes sense.
     
  7. Is Porn is considered Voyurism then why is it legal still? Why are cams legal in US? Only fan free bee’s crap is out and about.
     
  8. ryukPLYZ

    ryukPLYZ Fapstronaut

    voyeurism isn't always a peeping tom, voyeurism is just watching others do stuff rather than doing stuff yourself, obviously they have consent to film from the actors. So, you've seen other people do "you know what" so many times that your brain wants more of that.
     
    Re-Life2010 likes this.
  9. ryukPLYZ

    ryukPLYZ Fapstronaut

    btw
    i like re-life too
     
  10. I’d take the pill no doubt.
     
  11. ryukPLYZ

    ryukPLYZ Fapstronaut

    same
     
  12. greenishmoon

    greenishmoon Fapstronaut

    Hey this is a very late response but thanks to everyone who stepped by.

    I have wandered off the path of being clean for the last month or so and saw some pictures from time to time and also got to play some videogames in moments I don't even wanted to.
    I'm back on track again and I'm feeling better.
    Sex with her started to be great and while I know I am not in the healthier edge of the spectrum, I do am in the healthier SIDE of it.

    Stay strong. And thank you.
     
    TakingTheSteps likes this.
  13. I agree with the advice to abstain, but I also have a different perspective as well.

    To be perfectly honest, I am not reallly "aroused" by my husband. There is never a time that I could just look at him and feel aroused. I think he's very handsome, of course, but that's different. That might be a female thing, I'm not sure, but I don't really think so, because I think this is true for many men as well.

    I think part of that is just the nature of familiarity. Idk how long you have been with your girlfriend, but sexual intimacy can change with time. And I think it's really sad that society and media lead us to believe that's a bad thing. We are led to believe that if we aren't constantly having this super arousing passion for one another, where we can hardly keep our hands off of each other, then something is wrong with the relationship. But that's just not true. Love and intimacy are so much deeper than that.

    Now, I have no idea what the case is in your situation. Perhaps it really is just because of PMO and nothing else. But I wanted to offer a different perspective. Because I've had to expand my understanding of sexual intimacy, after years of being indoctrinated by media to believe it was something it is not. It was almost disappointing at first, but it shouldn't be. The kind of intimacy I have with my partner might not have as much of that passionate, high feeling as when we were dating and couldn't keep our hands to ourselves. But what we have now is actually so much better than that. But for someone who has been addicted to PMO and has been confused about sexual intimacy because of how media portrays it, I can sometimes falsely view it as less valuable than it is.
     
    again likes this.
  14. I know this isn't the point of this thread, but I just want to say that this is not a good assumption to make. And it's definitely not "obviously." There is soooo much nonconsensual porn in the world, and women and young girls being trafficked into sex slavery through porn. You'd probably be absolutely shocked to know how much porn you've watched that was actually rape. I'm not trying to pick on you, specifically, because it applies to all of us, but it's just a very, very important thing to remember.
     
    RUNDMC and again like this.
  15. greenishmoon

    greenishmoon Fapstronaut

    Thank you.

    Well, se has been %100 supportive when talking not only about our sexuality but also prior porn consumption. And we´re agreeing on many things, and developing more intimacy between us every day. So that's actually helping a lot.
    As you say, I noticed my attraction doesn't come so much from her physicality but much more from her personality and our relationship (not that she's not beautiful but she isn't what I expected sorta). When we started seeing each other, I actually didn't "like her" as much in that regard, and I also thought that was more serious than it might actually be.

    Thank you for your comment.
     
    TakingTheSteps likes this.
  16. You're very welcome! Since you guys are just dating though, it is definitely something to consider whether or not this will be an issue for you long term. If you're really not attracted to her, and never have been, that could be difficult and might be a reason to consider if the relationship is worth keeping.

    I'm, of course, not saying you should break up, because I have no idea how the rest of your relationship is and whether or not this is s big enough deal. But it's something to consider, if, as you said, you didn't like her initially and have never really found her attractive. That's a bit of a different situation.
     
  17. greenishmoon

    greenishmoon Fapstronaut

    It is. And I will have to face that at some point.
     
  18. InappropriateUsername

    InappropriateUsername Fapstronaut

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    You’ve conditioned your brain to become aroused by pics/porn. Your brain gets a bigger hit of dopamine and other feel-good chemicals than it would from real people. Abstaining from PMO let’s your brain reset and return to normal.

    1. stop PMOing
    2. Connect intimately with your GF.
    3. Don’t objectify women
    4. Meditate
    5. Journal
    6. Get outside
    7. Exercise
     
    greenishmoon likes this.
  19. greenishmoon

    greenishmoon Fapstronaut

    Hey man, thanks. I'm doing all of that. Just the third one is the hardest.

    Thank you for passing by. This thing is healing but I didn't thought it would take SO long. Right now it's getting better way faster because I'm with her but if not, it has been years and it just sticks.
    Siht's damaging.
     
    InappropriateUsername likes this.
  20. InappropriateUsername

    InappropriateUsername Fapstronaut

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    It can take a long time. Been on this recovery road a few years and still not there fully. Stay the course.
     
    greenishmoon likes this.

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