My story, so far.

Hey guys. Really appreciate this site. Its not easy to talk about this, thats why im here.

Im about 90 days clean, the urges have come back hard. It leaves me feeling weak & ashamed. Im pushing through, because i know i need to.

I started watching porn young, i wish i didnt. Maybe around 11 or 12. A friend of mine showed me, i was hooked instantly. I couldnt wait to get home from school to watch.

It started out as normal or vanilla porn. Within a few years it had progressed to more extreme stuff. Which already made me feel terrible, i started dabling in gay porn. And then nothing but transgender for ages. Is this a common thing?

This left me questioning my sexuality for years, destroying my teenage years. Always felt embarressed, ashamed about it. Id tries to kick it many times over the years, always went back. I had no confidence with girls. Looking back i think i hated my self to much, i didnt think i was good enough for anyone. Confused and lonely, because i wasnt sure what the hell was going on.

Ive been depressed, anxious, confused for so many years. And ive sorted alot of myself out over the last few years. I feel like im really starting to know myself.

To me this is the next logical step in my own self improvement. Just here so i dont feel alone, all of your stories really inspire me.

Ive been doing it tough the last week or so. I feel like my brain is changing. Im also feeling very short tempered, tired. I want to be alone while this is going on.

Anywah thanks for reading. Im sure ill have questions in the future, just needed to type that out. Feels good getting it out there. Thanks.

 

Just to add to that, as the porn i needed to get ot progressively got more snd more weird. I would spend hours watching and masturbating, to the point i would hurt my self. Ive got a problem i i know i do. I just wish id gotten onto it sooner.

I feel my sexuality starting to return, in waves? If that makes sense. Im feeling like i used to when i was young, when id see a girl i liked. Im getting that drive back, that interest. It comes and goes though, i just with there was a switch i could hit to turn back the clock. But this is life, and nothing worth doing is easy. And right now this is the most worth while thing i can do.

 

Hey guys. Still going strong here. Feeling much better for it most of the time, the urges come less and less. They basically subsided the next couple days after my last post (they were very intense for about a week) until today, where the urge has returned. I can recongnise it for what it is now, and just move on with my day rather than focus on it to much.

Everytime these urges come, almost in waves. I beat it, and im telling you, i feel stronger and stronger every single time stay strong. Trust me guys its becomes easier and easier, and if i can do it, any one can.

There was a point in my life where porn was basically all i would think of during the day. The only way i could get off was to porn.

Im at a stage now where more and more of my fantasising comes from my real life sexual experiences rather than fake online ones. Im feeling good, im going to keep at it because ive turned my life around. Cheers.

 

Hey guys, just wanted to report back. And apologies for not replying to messages sent to me, i do appreciate the messages of support. Although this site is kind of triggering for me. But its great to have somewhere to vent.

Im still going strong. Feeling better all the time, i do still have days, sometimes a flat week. I still get anxious from time to time, and ive found i was using porn as a coping mechanism anytime something wasnt going right, or when i wasnt feeling right. Nowadays i just accept that i may be feeling down, but it doesnt last forever. I just go about my day, put one foot in front of the other and try an do the right things for me. Instead of sulking and hiding away inside.

Every part of my life has improved, im socially the best ive been in my life. Im confident, my mind is clear. Ive been writing, alot. This helps me so much and i cant recommend it enough for anyone with a busy mind. This has replaced porn as a coping mechanism.

I just feel better, im more clear on whats important in life. I can prioritize now, works better. Im more focused than ever.

Stick to it guys, you can do it. Just accept the cravings, recognise it for what it is. Let the thoughts run through your mind. Trust me, the cravings do not last forever. If you cave into them, they do.

The cravings have gradually become less and less, and are virtually non existant now. Dont get me wrong every now and again the pop up, but i recognise how negative that is for my life and they go away.

Ive been seeing a girl, my sexual fantasys are now real life situations, with that girl. I feel so much healthier and just generally lighter and happier.

Anyway just wanted to share my experiences as a way to motivate anyone who needs it. If i can do it, anyone can. I got my self in one hell of a hole, and managed to crawl out of it. Nothing lasts forever, everythings gets better. Cheers