35 and older accountability, Group 2

All set up!

 

What a great post! Clear, direct and helpful.

 

Checking in.

I'm not doing great right now. I'm triggered and in a large P sub binge and I did have one MO. The first MO and O all year.

I am aware of what is happening but I'm still not broken free from it yet. I need to focus on breaking free from it.

I have been out of my daily home routine all month. I got back yesterday and I can establish the daily routine again, but there are other factors. I've just recently experienced some significant emotional pain/stress that I'm sure is part of this. Also, I'm lonely, and tired for some reason.

In all this, I can tell my body is craving something real, not P, and it is pushing me toward P subs and P.

I need to focus on getting back to my normal routine. I think I can get through this without falling to P and PMO and binging. I think I could have avoided MO but I didn't and that isn't good. But if I can avoid any more MO that will be very good.

I believe writing this post is helping me break away from the P sub binge. I need to get back to my normal routine and for some reason I'm tired. Also, walking (part of my normal routine) is on hold because of a small foot injury I'm waiting to heal before I'm on my feet a lot.

I think failure is definitely avoidable but I need to get back to the normal routine and get over this tiredness.

I'll work on this.

UPDATE: I just realized also that I have been outside a lot in the past month and have seen a lot of outside sunlight. The past day or two I've spent more time inside with much less sunlight than my average daily intake last month. I believe this is also a negative factor because of what I learned recently about the connection between sunlight and the natural sleep rhythm and dopamine.

 

Checking in. After the old demon resurfaced with a vengeance last week I’m on an even keel this week. I’ve been caught up in this for long enough to know that the demon is waiting to be healed. Still, it’s one thing to know that intellectually and a whole different story to experience the healing.
Well, back to work. Patience, persistence, gratitude, self-compassion and faith are needed as my everyday companions.

 

Hi, 46, long term problem with PM. Have always found excuses for it, always found ways to get around the idea that I need to quit. Now realize total abstinence is the only way. Sick of how P makes me objectify. Also noticing how M is a lifelong habit, one that I used as a coping mechanism. In other words, without P is one thing, the M is still there, unless I take control in my mind.

I have decided that I refuse to be a slave to an addcition. I am in my 6th day now, riding a rollercoaster of up and down emotions, but ulitmately I know I have finally reached the epiphany I needed and the only way now is forward.

Thanks for bringing me into the group, I am inspired by the action taken by all of you here, and I hope my story can inspire others to stay the course too.

 

G'day fellow Nofap friends.

I'm 37yo M (Aussie)

I have wrestled with P for a very long time and I don't want to die a pervert.

My mind became so corrupted over time and I started having strange fetishes which completely alienated me from having any normal relationship because I harboured so much guilt, shame and condemnation in my soul.

I was so perverted I would look at every female as a sexual object and would constantly look for opportunities to perv on women and fantisize.

My life resembled that of a highly perverted man chasing his next fix of perversion.

I know in my heart I don't want to be a pervert and I want my soul to find rest away from the disturbing impact PMO has induced.

Thanks for bringing me into the group, I have committed to a daily journal and daily AP.

 

I’m glad you decided to join this group. This group was a lifeline to me many times during my first 90 days. There will be moments where it will be tough. Instead of giving in, come to the site and this post and we will do our best to help.

 

Welcome to the group. I can relate to a lot of what you say. It get easier as the days go by and you allow yourself to heal.

 

Hi folks, I’ve been wrestling with this for years now. Never been “heavily “ addicted but just haven’t been able to let go of it completely. After years of research I now understand that sexual energy is sacred and is always aiming for its home. However, I get in the way! Well, I hope we can all help each other get out of the way.
Thanks for creating this group.

 

I will reach 250 in the next few hours when the counter turns over. This journey was hard but so worth it. Just a few things to note,

1 The first 30 days were extremely hard. I had to come on the site often and make frequent use of the panic button.

2 Reaching 90 was difficult. The urges still come fairly often.

3 Beyond 90 you begin to realize the damage years of PMO has done. You start noticing hobbies you left behind, things left undone, and you realize the value of the time you squandered.

4 At about 180 I really started thinking about what I wanted to do with my life. This is what I believe is a critical point. I had to start finding a whole new identity.

5 250 and beyond. It is time to be all I can be and make the very most out of my life.

Something I found very valuable is eliminating the psubs and getting my eyes under control. Looking at psubs is like a former alcoholic browsing the liquor store just to be doing it. It does not help! I’m very glad that has been dealt with.

These days I enjoy working on the life of my dreams, staying home with the wife, and helping people on this forum. I look forward to growing old with my wife. I look forward to a life that is free from any form of P. I hope my wife and I both live to be 100 and it is just us. I have no desire for another woman.

Also, I plan to be a lifetime member here. As I read posts on a day to day basis, I am reminded of the horror of the addiction I never want to be involved in again and I have the privilege of being a help and encouragement to others like so many were to me.

I wont get into listing screen names because they are so many. To anyone how has followed, commented, or liked, you are those whom I am speaking and I genuinely thank you!

 

I have read the rules and would like to join this group.

Been pretty much addicted to porn in one shape or another all my life, time to jump off this crazy train and grow up!

 

I have read the rules and would like to join this group.

cremuel

 

Hello,

Thanks for having me! Here’s some info about me. About five years ago, I converted to Catholicism. Before then, I firmly believed that porn and masturbation were normal and great. But after understanding how my obsession with it affected the way I looked at people, I’ve gradually come to recognize both p and m as a problem for me. I’m also now a father with three daughters and simply don’t want to engage in this kind of behavior anywhere even remotely nearby. After reading some posts from this site, I also began to notice how my mood and outlook were altered by p&m, and how much better I felt when I was abstaining. In particular, I’ve noticed that I have more genuine compassion for other people, family included, when I don’t indulge. With just confession, I seem to have managed to steer clear of porn and have so for quite a few months now. But the m is another story, and I always seem to break my streak for some reason or another—usually I end up convincing myself that it’s all just okay and totally normal. I am hoping that with the support of a community to whom I hope to check in with on a weekly basis that I’ll be able to stay clean longer. I’m somewhat older (42) and also a recovered alcoholic, and I’m no stranger to managing my addictions. I’m looking forward to this forum because it’s nice to have a safe, anonymous place to talk about these things with people who feel similarly. Today is my second NoFap day… here’s to keeping it going.Thanks everyone.

 

Hello and thanks for the warm welcome.

I am a 42 year old male, married with two daughters. I have been consuming porn in one way shape or form from a very early age, I thought it totally normal and healthy but its far from that.

The last two to three years I have been the most depressed of my life, coincidently I found that I seem to have used PMO as a coping mechanism and its only taken me deeper into depression.

I have pretty much masturbated every day of my life at least once since I was 10 or 11 and ALWAYS questioned why, often having deep feelings of guilt afterwards.

"It helps me sleep" I tell myself.

Or bizarrely, I masturbate more after intercourse with my wife!

The guilt started to go a few years ago and now, its just "a thing I MUST do" and a thing that controls most of my life, I have to MO at any cost!

Self reflecting, its truly awful, out of control and it scares me.

I don't like who I have become and things MUST stop.

On a personal level, I have run marathons and ultra marathons and I love trail/mountain running, I have put on 3 stone in weight and I can no longer run father then 3 to 4 miles.

I have played in bands and gigged quite a bit, my guitars sit untouched.

Said state of affairs really, but that's the past and tomorrow is another day.

If I got 3 days without PMO its probably the longest time in 30 odd years! CRAZY really.

 

Day 10. Double digits Baby!!!!!

 

Hello and welcome to the site! I relate to what you say when you first thought it was normal. I grew up in a home where this material was easily accessible. I began consuming at around 10. It didn't really occur to me how bad it was until somewhere around 30 years old. I can tell you that life is much better without it. Hang in and reach the goals for sobriety you have set for yourself.

 

Hello and welcome to the site! I can sure relate to this. I was a bodybuilder before my PMO habit got really bad. As a result, I abandoned the sport I loved for years. Thankfully I am back now. I've found that addiction doesn't want part of you. It wants all of you. Life is so much better without PMO. Hang in there and reach your goals!