How do you deal with passive aggression that goes just below the radar!

This seems.....passive aggressive.

More just aggressive really. Why even let anything you can't control get under your skin like that?

 

So you prefer raw aggression such as you have?

 

I think first and foremost, you have to learn to accept that the negativity of other people is often them transmitting negativity that was transmitted to themselves. Our society is full of wounded people who are motivated to wound others because of their own wounds. From that place you can have a bit of empathy. Someone who is passive aggressive has bottled up assertiveness. They are too afraid to be assertive and so the only way they can stand up for themselves is by being passive aggressive. Try to have empathy for their fear and lack.

On your own end, realize that your own anger is another example of this pain transmission. The passive aggressive transmitted pain to you, and then you experience that as anger. Realize that when you are angered by this, you are allowing them to define your emotional experience for you. Do you want to be angry or do you want to be lighthearted and positive in the face of the pain of the world? Define that for yourself.

Either way, never deny your emotions. If you're angry, then be angry and feel that fully. Then, choose to transmute that anger into something more productive, see if you can find some lightheartedness. There is a fine line between emotional repression and toxic positivity, and simply learning to take the world as it is without allowing ourselves to be wounded.

 

I can appreciate you venting here. I have wondered the same thing many times - where do all these assholes come from? Why can't they just show a bit of respect?

Avoiding conflict and bottling up my anger has been a past time for me. I'm only just realising how unhealthy it is in my 30s...

I'm still working on this one... But I think a triple approach can work:

1. Exercise (and bonus points if it's competitive)
2. Venting (this post is great, talking to someone you trust in person is better, and also journaling)
3. Acceptance (assholes will be assholes)