How can I stop being jealous that I can't fuck a certain woman?

I see a colleague I know and find attractive, and

Spoiler: potentially triggering

she is wearing nylon pantyhose

I immediately get jealous that I can't fuck her, that I can't worship her nylon feet and legs

How can I stop feeling this way?

I keep PMOing all the time because I feel jealous of people who can experience sex with someone, or experiment and fulfill their fantasies. It's like the grass is greener on that side, and that they are doing "adult things" which i can't do right now (unless I fucking pay a prostitute or dominatrix with the paranoia of getting robbed or something).

I'm jealous of people writing posts on reddit about their sexual experiences, like "

Spoiler: potentially triggering

I received my first footjob today and it was the best thing in my life", or asking things like which vibrator is the best for sex, or how they are planning a sex weekend trip and what toys they're gonna buy, or how some are cross dressing and just laying on their bed in ecstasy of happiness

I'm just fucking jealous of that, and that's why I keep PMOing, as PMO is the next best thing I can do. It's like seeing people eat a hamburger all the time, while you have to be content with eating a salad

I feel like giving up, going to a monastery and spend the rest of my life in prayer, just to show the sexual world a big fuck you because I didn't come to experience this shit in my 24 years of life.

 

I just don't feel like an adult because I haven't been doing those "adult things" yet.

The monastery thing was a joke of course. And even if I'd like to go to a monastery, the problem is that I'd go there not because I feel called for religious life, but because I got upset that I couldn't live the "regular life".

Really to be honest, I never saw myself living that "regular life" (sexual experiences, alcohol, cigarettes, parties, and so on) at all. I always felt that I'm not destined to do such things, but in a negative sense, like "I'm such a special nutcase that I can't do these things, I'm not expected to do them by others"

It's just the frustration I sometimes feel, that I don't have "someone to have fun with". Because as you said I see how others are living, and it gives me the feeling that compared to them, I'm still "a child". They are doing adult things, and im not. It kind of makes you feel low self worth, and you either accept that low self worth (eating the salad) or you go to the monastery and give a big fuck you to this regular lifestyle

 

FYI The salad originally was an analogy to PMO, and not a healthy lifestyle. What I meant was that I only can have the salad (PMO) while others can have junk food (sexual experiences with real partners)

I understand your comment, that the grass is not greener on the other side and that I should use the chance of me being in that personal situation in which I am to tell the hedonistic world to fuck off

But it's so hard. I just think that although an unhealthier lifestyle, it's more intense. I genuinely think that having a sex partner would help me mental wise, it could maybe open me up for more outgoing experiences of non sexual nature.

It's just that outside of "sex, drugs and parties" i cannot see a way to find genuine happiness in life, or even better, something which would give me more happiness than the best thing I can imagine which could happen to me, namely

Spoiler: Trigger

worshipping an attractive female's nylon feet and legs by licking, sniffing, massaging them

I could win a billion dollar in a lottery and would still feel less happiness than what's in "trigger". And the fact that I can't "achieve" this (at least without spending lots of money and being paranoid all the time) just sucks. And it just additionally sucks that I can't do the things adults do. I'm hindering myself from doing that. Maybe it's social anxiety or even autism, idk. But I struggle a lot with enjoying life.

 

I mean, what else should I do? It's hopeless, I will never fulfill any of my fantasies, I will never be outgoing, I will never experiment.

I just feel like taking the emergency exit door and get out of this. "I can't have what you have theoretically to offer, so fuck you world, I'm gonna isolate myself in prayer to find my inner strength"

It may be wise but sad, because this means that I will never reach my "goal of absolute pleasure". Yes, my life is heavily pleasure oriented, in every detail.

 

100% understand you. But maybe there's a third way? Because, see, I will always have pain when I choose to either indulge or to abstain and be a "monk" (or an actual monk!). When I'm indulging, I try to make the pain go away (indulging is the pain medication), whereas abstinence and monk life is enduring the pain (tolerating the pain by pure willpower and discipline)

But is there a way to ELIMINATE the pain all together? So I will be happy without the constant need to ejaculate under the sweaty nylon foot soles of a gorgeous and beautiful woman?

 

The only way to not see anything as painful is for me to dedicate myself fully to a religion (in my case it's Christianity) and be that monk, just as you say. Because then, I'd be putting something truly more important first than what I use to do now. But I think I couldn't do it for a longer period than maybe some days.

 

Doing healthy things and real intimacy with a person. That's why i started this thread in the first place, too. I lack the intimacy you get with a sexual partner. And if I had this, I wouldn't be PMOing. Because why? If you got a beautiful and gorgeous woman laying next to you in your bed, which let's you fulfill your fetish fantasies and is wearing certain clothes "just for you" (as I'd be willing to do or wear something for her)

 

I managed to do like 30 days on NoFap. Was walking with a semi-erect penis all the time, and I really had to focus immensely to avoid boners in public. When I relapsed, I basically exploded in 5 seconds and could literally hear my own ejaculation.

The only way I could see myself doing NoFap for more than 30 days is when I'm in a coma

 

True. But I can't find a way. Pure abstinence ("traditional NoFap hard mode") hasn't worked yet, as I already wrote, I made it to 30 days and was walking semi-erect all the time avoiding boners as best as I can.

I'm just sad that I can't have something 80% of regular guys with a girlfriend could have (living out my nylon foot fetish fantasies).

The obvious solution would be to start dating but then again I don't want to be in a relationship with someone I see as a free prostitute.

So I either become so frustrated that I simply give up, or I try to live it out.

The other solution would be to just keep PMOing. But that's useless. I've been PMOing for years and I'm just sick of it, I want either the real thing or nothing. PMOing feels like forcing yourself to poo, while the real thing feels like pooing when having a bad case of diarrhea.

I could also always just buy one of those Real Dolls (or a pair of silicone legs and feet), buy used stinky nylon socks and "create my own girlfriend". Better than PMO, but still not the real thing. There's no fun when you're alone, like i want the woman to smile at me while pressing her stinky nylon feet into my face

Sry, I'm just a mess. But it's only because I'm a pleasure seeker by nature. I don't seek joy or fulfillment, but pleasure. But, again, I'm too paranoid, socially awkward and anxious, so the cognitive dissonance between wanting to experience as much pleasure as possible and being afraid of the risks is big

Maybe I seek pleasure because we were kind of poor once. I only ate McDonald's maybe 2 or 3 times a year, now it's a month. I didn't have many games for the PS2 or DS, and whenever I wanted anything from the store my parents said no because we have no money.

Honestly, I don't know. Pleasure is for me the only reason why life is worth living. So I'd rather live a short but intense life than a long and boring one. But again, I'm too paranoid to experiment in the first place.

It's difficult to find a solution. Maybe I've been depressed for like for ever and was treating it by junk food and PMO. But again, why do I put pleasure on a pedestal in the first place?

Pleasure makes me feel alive, makes me feel like I'm "the king of the world", makes me feel invincible.

And being a Monk is the opposite of a life in pleasure. So I either fully indulge in pleasure or I will deny any pleasure for the sake of God. But no in between because of my cognitive dissonance.