The Lord of the Rings Challenge

Checking in as a hobbit!

 

Congrats me brothers, I'm now a happy member of the great Orck army!

Dopamine detox - done
Cold shower - done
Talk with my truly self - done
Talk with my porn subpersonality - done

Today I had no urges whatsoever. This is usual for me after relapse.
Almost always first several weeks are quite easy for me but the real struggle begins after around one month of the NoFAP

Since I'm trying to minimize artificial dopamine as much as possible I have a lot of time which I'm usually
spend by doing productive work / learning something / reading the book

Also since my previous streak was a solid one, I don't feel much consequences of the relapse.
I have a slight decrease in the overall confidence and I'm feeling a little bit fragile.

How are you guys doing?
Can someone recommend a good online course for helping me with the reboot?

 

Checking in day 207.

 

Day 307

 

Day 7, woot! One week clean. Feels weird but proud of myself. Urges aren't bad today which is a blessing.

 

Day 3. Today because of some work that i was doing, I started thinking about how many bad decisions I can make when I'm under PMO as an slave and as well thinking on all the clarity and brightness of the mind when I'm free of it , I cannot stay with some sad feelings about that reflections but instead feelings of personal encouragment to be better everyday with the help of God.

 

Day 159

Today has been slightly easier, still significantly troubled by urges but nowhere near as bad as they were yesterday.

I realised today that a lot of my ‘desire’ to relapse is really a desire to feel needed; to be in a relationship, to be known and loved - things that cannot be found in PMO. I’m growing closer to my friends around me, but to some extent I still feel deeply alone.

 

1 Day Complete... Orc status achieved / The journey has begun. Have come so far in the last few years from breaking my streak every few hours to every few weeks and sometimes months. Want to do my best and reach the end. Believe it is possible.

 

Day 479

 

Day 42

 

What do you mean by saying 100% healed. You are a man and having sexual desires is normal. I think that you should forget that PM exists to not crave it. Other than that I think that you can change the way you look at women to see them not as objects of satisfaction and that I would call healing.

 

Day 59 complete

doing good. I am sill sleeping enough most of the days, but I don’t yet feel any much more rested.

 

Day 3 complete!

Urges were a bit stronger today--one is hitting me right now as I'm about to get ready for bed. It's been a long time since I deliberately practiced "urge surfing," and I think that will help me here. I see you, urge. I don't have a problem with you being here, but you're not allowed to talk.

@til_im_free I wish I could like a post multiple times. Thank you for writing those words publicly.

St. Paul, pray for us!

 

4 days

 

Day 10 - Uruk-Hai, The Dark Tower Barad-Dûr

 

I'm also at day 1, also had long streaks, lets finish the quest together

 

Day 0 Nazgul

Guys I ended up binging anyway. Not resetting my counter didn't do anything at first. I let go and watched a lot. Pretty big 2-3 day binge. Hair is falling out more and more. Why can't I stop. I am so addicted. I throw everything away every time. I hate my life and I hate my existence. I should be angry at society, the government for not protecting me and the younger generation. I should be angry at the porn industry and the bastards who make money stealing people's souls. I am Nazgul because my spirit has been sucked out of me.

I need porn blockers on my phone and laptop, but I'm too scared to implement them. I want to end my life, bros. This addiction keeps stealing my life and time away from me as well as my youth. It is raping me each time. That's what makes rape so horrific. The person being raped is also aroused and that is why many victims feel overwhelming guilt and trauma.

Sorry for the long post. I am going to attempt the challenge again. I have little hope, but the ring must be destroyed. The journey must be taken, even if it is doomed to fail in the end.

 

Day 2 check in

 

We all have these thoughts after relapse, but the truth is, it will be a lot better after a week

 

Dawn of the 83rd day.