Found an email in his junk folder

Hard to tell, but I'd guess spam.

 

Well regarding the mail, that does sound like spam, cookies gather information like email addresses, mostly if your guy used to visit suspicious sites. Nowadays you get spammed even after leaving a comment on youtube, it's crazy. I cannot assure it is spam and not real mail though.
Now regarding the draft, it does seem suspicious. In any case what you're doing is not healthy for both of you, it's better to speak plainly like two adults, place the cards on the table, being honest and demand honesty. But spying on someone's back is dirty

 

To the words and how you're writing it down.. It sounds like spam. I wouldn't get your self in a tizzy over it. Men and of course Woman are being flooded with loads of hook up emails, etc. It's certainly nothing to worry about unless there's a reply or something else sent back..

 

My husband was in recovery for a year, junk mail clean for the very first time in our marriage. Then I started getting spam ( something like what you posted). My gut was going off but he said he didn’t slip. Finally get in to see my csat and she said “ you will only get that if you are going to adult sites”. Hmmmm.
So, I send him a text. This is it. I know you lied. I’ve scheduled a polygraph to confirm. I’m filing for divorce. Only then did he come clean. That was the day he began recovery for real. That was 2.5 years ago. He is a man transformed. That was the best relapse he could’ve had because it taught me that I can trust my gut, it taught him that he cannot be in recovery if he lies. If you feel crazy, if you question yourself, if you start getting into detective mode, chances are very high he is lying to you. That crazy feeling is your body trying to protect you. Listen to it.

 

It's amazing you went with you're gut instinct, it could of just been him getting emails from the past, but you're gut followed by intuition was at its best, certainly don't judge it. My girlfriend knows I do NP and I show her all the crap I get, it's unreal. The internet does a great job at profiling you and you're search interests.

 

That’s why I discussed it with my csat., because my gut was trying to protect me, but we as SO’s always want up give the benefit of the doubt to our partner. Unfortunately addicts lie. They lie a lot. Our gut is far more honest than they are.

 

So confronting him with divorce played a big part in his motivation to quit PMO addiction. If so, then why did you say last time that he didn't admit his deficiency only because you threatened to leave him ?

 

Another reason your gut starts screaming is because they are usually careless enough to leave traces behind, and sometimes they underestimate their partner's observation skills.

 

Because he already knew I was leaving. He began recovery probably because I told him I was leaving as soon as our youngest graduated. Losing me motivated him for a year. But then he relapsed knowing I was done. Because losing me was not enough to cause permanent change. But deciding he liked himself, wanted recovery for himself, was when his true recovery began. That was when the huge changes began. Changes in how he lived not just avoiding pmo. If threatening to divorce could get a spouse in recovery, every married man here that doesn’t want a divorce would be in recovery. It’s just not. They have to want it for themselves.

 

Sometimes, but some just get much better at hiding it. Much better.

 

He did releapse 'knowing you were done' not because losing you didn't motivate him enough but because he thought that you wouldn't act on your separation threat. In other words, he still feared rejection, but he simply dismissed your words as empty threats. But when he was truly certain you weren't speaking out of thin air, he decided it was time to pull his sh*t together. Just think about it for a second, why did he wait all those years for you to bring up divorce in order to begin recovery?

 

Maybe, but the mascarade would never be perfect 100 %.

 

We had no idea it was an addiction. Therefore we had zero help. Zero. I stumbled on a betrayal trauma group and then told him I had been planning on the day I could leave, once my oldest graduated. He knew I was serious. I saved financially for 17 years. He also knows I don’t make idle threats. He got into counseling, group, emdr, biofeedback. For a year he continued to improve. Then he relapsed. I know you think that threatening divorce will get your partner to improve. It can help for a while, but it will never be the reason they get into long term recovery. They get into recovery because they choose to. That’s it. They decide they want it for themselves. Hell, I still don’t know if I’ll stay married. We own 2 houses, I’m not sure if I want to keep trying. Just talked about it with him last night. The man he is today is far different than the addict I’ve been married to. You know one of the things that makes him want to relapse? The fear of losing me. That makes him struggle because it causes anxiety, how in the world does that make sense? I’m afraid to lose you so I’m going to do the one thing I know is guaranteed to lose you. Addiction doesn’t make sense.

 

Absolutely correct! Hence the reason we need to trust our gut even if we don’t have concrete evidence!

 

My husband was very good at hiding it. But my gut always knew. Don’t be jealous, I’ve been married almost as long as you have been alive. It took 27 years, my husband hitting the lowest place of his life and knowledge of how to attack this problem for him to even begin to change. It took a year and a half of failing, slips and resets, relapse, and over $50 thousand dollars in counseling, private group, intensives and out programs. Exactly how much money we have spent in 3 years isn’t something I want to see, I quit keeping track at $40k. My philosophy on the money was a divorce would cost us both much more, and since we can afford it, I see it as investment in our relationship. Since he’s gotten into recovery, he’s far more productive and our finances have just gotten better and better. And he’s not spending money like he did when in his addiction. I’ll take a counseling bill over him coming home with something new every day, lol. If you could’ve seen my husband 5 years ago. He was absolutely a shell of a man. He had no where else to go but up or death.