330 days and on the verge of temptation.

330 days and on the verge of temptation.
A couple of days ago a series of events occurred in my recovery process that brought me to the brink of temptation.
After almost 11 months, I met again with a woman with whom I had an affair last year (I met her when I was immersed in the addiction to sexual partners), after many sexual encounters with her an affective bond was created (dating for eat, talk). However, starting the Nofap process, I decided not to watch her again. At first it was difficult to leave the memories of her, however, I managed to refrain from looking for her. I can't deny that she missed her from time to time, but I took care of other things (exercise, work, etc.), but I admit that I never completely forgot her, I couldn't forget her phone number. . .
In all this process that I have been on the path of Nofap, of the many achievements, changes and growth that I have experienced, I admit that I did not pay enough attention to this emotional part. It is as if in the depths of my being I kept the illusion, or the fantasy of seeing her again at some point in the future. For many months I managed to avoid thinking about a reunion with her, but a few months ago I began to be careless with my mental defenses and to be less strict with my thoughts and fantasies (I am going through some adverse situations in my finances, they do not justify my irresponsibility, but without a doubt, that stress influences our carelessness).
I started first with unblocking her number, then I wrote to say hello, and finally, what happened two days ago, we agreed to have an appointment to see each other. As is evident, the idea of seeing her again excited and excited me, there were days that I felt so vulnerable as to fantasize, but I refrained from relapsing to pmo.
The day of the appointment arrived, the idea was to meet at the restaurant from the last time, I prepared myself for the occasion, a part of me just wanted to talk to her again (perhaps out of emotional need, loneliness?), but instead I knew deep down that this meeting would be a trigger to return to the sexual debauchery of the past and put aside the wonderful process of abstinence.
I arrived on time, but Miriam did not arrive. Obviously, I contacted her, only to find out that there was a mix-up. She forgot that we would meet at the restaurant and instead was waiting for me at the hotel where we often meet. I wanted us to meet again in the same place where irresponsibly and living in ignorance I squandered my essence. It is evident that she did not intend to speak but only to have a sexual encounter. What did I do? Although my being trembled with temptation, I decided to cancel the date, really if I wanted to see her to talk, after some text messages, she decided that we would meet in a park to talk, but again she didn't come, she just wrote me later, yes there was some way to see her again, it would be at the hotel "as before", and that she would be waiting for me to write to tell her the day and time to "be together".
After that afternoon of adrenaline and temptation like I had never experienced before in all these months, it led me to reflect on the need I have to cultivate other types of personal relationships, and to overcome once and for all that affective attachment that I have with This woman. I have started working on overcoming this relationship. I am a few days away from having a PMO-free year, but this situation makes me see the need I have to work on areas of my life that I may not have paid attention to. The idea is not only to count the days, but that the days count and that we heal in every area of life.
I write here now, giving thanks to heaven, for keeping me from returning to harmful behaviors, but also aware that I have a long way to go on the road to recovery, I must pay attention to my thoughts, emotions and resume daily vigilance against the devil of the temptation
Thank you brother for taking the time to read. I wish you strength and courage on this path of freedom. I know you also have temptations that you struggle with every day and areas that you need to work on, but that is what this journey is all about, moving forward.

 

Así es, realmente involucrarse sexualmente con esta chica no traerá nada positivo. Mis aspiraciones eran crear conexiones emocionales y espirituales, no en un nivel tan primitivo como tener relaciones sexuales.
Es difícil tener esta conciencia cuando estás cachondo o tentado, pero NOFAP ayuda a reconstruir nuestra forma de pensar y hacer frente a la vida.
Le deseo mucho aliento en su camino.

 

Hola amiga, en realidad creo que la única que creó una conexión emocional fui yo, ella solo quiere darme solo su cuerpo como antes, pero en este punto de mi viaje, el sexo ya no es una necesidad primaria. Hay que buscar lo que te hace crecer como hombre y dejar de lado lo superficial.