I am full of shame - porn addiction, cuckold and omegle - testimony of my life

may you succeed, good luck and good job on realizing the issue

 

No way indulging the other side of the coin will make you feel better- you've got to break out, not fight for the other side of a war that you're not even drafted into. That shame will be with you for as long as it takes for you to realize the following:

Every second can be the one that changes your life completely for the better.

Why stick to the stuff that you know isn't working? Time to flip the script! You're in control of your fate, and as long as you know that, you can win on any given day,in any scenario.

 

It's basically the same shit. The cuck / bull dynamic are both forms of sexual vampirism. You feel insecure about your own sexuality so you need another man involved to demonstrate to yourself your "dominance" over him.

I don't think that's particularly healthy for anybody involved.

 

Becoming a bull is still buying into the premise of P. P says S is for nothing but pleasure. P says S is just transactional. The cuck fetish says S is all about power, and there’s “winners” and “losers” and even the losers win because it’s just pleasure. Thinking you’ll reverse the damaging effects by playing a different position in the game is a lie. Just quit the game.

S is for bonding. When you have S your bodies release oxytocin, the same hormone than bonds mothers to their children. P is unnatural, trying to break the significance of that bond, claiming it’s “just S,” claiming you can hook up without feeling anything for your partner. It isn’t true. You will naturally always feel something for your partner, but when you have S prematurely, when you have other feelings that contradict that bonding, you get used to rejecting your partners and it becomes harder and harder to actually love someone.

P glorifies meaningless acts of pleasure because that’s all it has. It can’t give you anything better, so it claims that’s all there is to have. It’s not true. There’s an entire dimension of love, acceptance, satisfaction, even pleasure in S that P and fetishes can’t access.

At minimum you should value yourself enough to share that side of yourself only with partners you deeply care about. At maximum, only the one person you want to care about. Anything less is cheating yourself.

 

Years ago I had my bike stolen. Every time I think about getting a bike, I remember this experience and it still upsets me . . . a lot!

Should I go out and steal someone else's bike? Not because I need a bike, but just so that I can feel better about myself? Somebody victimised me and stole my really nice bike - would screwing over someone else in the same way change that??

It sounds like maybe you've already given up on the bull idea. It's a twisted, manipulative way of using other people to help you feel better about yourself. If it made you feel so crappy, why would you do that to someone else?? Would that really make you feel better?

 

Adultery is not wise.

STIs are always a risk in sexual situations. Are you really going to risk a severe STI for the adultery lifestyle? There are even some STIs that make sex painful as well as are permanant. You can have sex with someone's wife, contract a severe STI, and then never be able to have painless sex again.

And yes, couples can have STIs. Some couples don't know that they have an STI. Others are completely okay with their STIs but might not disclose their STI status. The adultery lifestyle is probably hard enough to practice, and disclosure would likely discourage participants.

If you hop from couple to couple, then you will increase your chance of infection. And unlike marriage, there is no guarantee that you will be committing adultery with only one couple for your entire life.

Condoms can break. Condoms don't always cover all infectious areas.

The adultery lifestyle is very dangerous. It can literally turn into a couple preying on you. A single woman alone can already do a lot of damage to a seduced man through theft, false rape allegations, false paternity (or child support) claims, and more. These risks are more than doubled when a couple is involved. The couple can video-record your sexual intercourse and then publish it online. They can blackmail you with the video. The couple can frame you for rape whereupon the video can be evidence. Even if you were framed, two witnesses accusing you of rape, both married to each other, would quickly have a jury against you. Heck, even if you prove that they agreed to the sex, they could falsely claim that you raped her when the couple suddenly didn't want to go through with the sex agreement.

Heck, the wife can lure you into a vulnerable position whereupon her husband can rob you at gunpoint. Once you touch his wife, you give him a license to physically assault you or even kill you. In court, he could just falsely claim that he was defending his wife against a home invader.

Another huge issue is jealousy. Husbands can get jealous and cut off the adultery, making you hop from couple to couple and increasing your chance of infection. A husband might get jealous and want to harm you for having sex with his wife. A wife might even leave her husband, to be with you instead. In such a situation, the husband's jealousy may grow so severe that he may try to cause great harm to you.

 

Yes, I do think that it would help you. But you don't need to cuck someone else to be a bull. When you have sex with a woman you are the bull, you are her bull. So go get a girlfriend and fuck her really good and often, that's how you become a bull.

 

Keep practicing these 30 day's.

It seems like the relationship hit you pretty hard and I myself have dug a well with each brake up especially one I don't need to keep remembering that was a waste of time and money that I unfortunately do. When we get into this crap shoot we have massive brain fog forming or body fog even. We need to clear this fog and start seeing light in our self's and our positive energies making our self's stronger and vibrate.

 

Aww how litigious of you.

Yes and husband can cut your Dick too. we can't deny that possibility bro.

@WilliamJ.F. Don't take it the wrong way but bro you are one hell of pessimist guy i have ever seen on this platform. i know you are trying to warn him but still.....
I recommend you a book "Attitude is Everything" by Jeff Keller. You should read this book.

 

I can relate to these things.

I too began with pornographers from a young age, it escalated to looking at more extreme things such as cuckold etc. I even mentioned this to my wife, thankfully she refused.

the only thing that has helped me is going full cold turkey. That’s no P no chat rooms etc. I’ve been clean for almost a year now.

the one thing I would say is that having sex can make you get these urges again, when I feel this happening I just go full on cold turkey, no sex with my wife for 30 days etc and reboot.

it’s an addiction like any other, it’s hard, I pray and I read scripture, I recommend that to anyone struggling as you can’t beat this alone.

good luck to you brother, with the help of God I know you will overcome this.

 

Waiting for upcoming update