procedurally, fap and having sex is same, right ?

For sure not the same, not even close when comes to the psychology effect each one has. Jerking it to porn requires zero skill while having sex with your wife regularly will require several different skills. Excessively having sex or PMO are both not good for your body and will leave you tired but there is so much more benefit and skill when it comes to being able to regularly have sex.

 

It's the same in terms of end result, unless with the intention to procreate. You still lose your vital life essence/energy in romantic sex.

 

There is going to be a big difference when the sex is actually done in a healthy way. Skin to skin contact releases oxytocin in both partners, and so already we can see that there is a difference in biochemistry between sex and masturbation. The psychological experience of being with another human being, when it isn't simply addiction-sex, is vastly different and so there will simply be a different cocktail of biochemical compounds and how that feeds into our interpretation of the experience which in turn feeds into the biochemical cocktail creating our present experience.

People tend to have difficulty seeing how they could be different even though the experience itself is different. They'll say things like, "your brain doesn't know the difference between sex and masturbation," without considering the fact that you are literally your brain. If you know the difference, then your brain knows the difference. In fact the only reason there is a you that knows there is a difference is because your brain creates the conscious experience of you knowing the difference lmao. It seems so obvious once you realize that.

 

Forget everything you've read about the adverse effects of releasing sperm.

Unless you jerk off daily many times a day, there is no reason to believe that ejaculating itself is causing you any problem.

The sources of problem with masturbation and porn use have more to do with progressively moving the type of stimulation that works for you out of the reach of normal sexual intercourse. i.e., either you become too dependent on a particular stimulation, mechanically speaking, that you will not realistically find while having sex with someone else (speed of your strokes, strength of grip applied, or whatever else), or porn use warps what you think of as being sexually arousing, to the point where being in bed with a real woman, even an attractive one, isn't enough to keep you going. Not just because the overstimulation of porn makes it pale in comparison, but more subtly, because other elements of your intercourse differ too much from what you've conditioned yourself to find rewarding.

The point of avoiding porn is to distance yourself from this unrealistic stimulation and to regain some sensitivity to normal sexual behavior. Some people refrain from masturbation altogether either because they feel it makes it easier for them to stay away from porn that way, or because they felt like they were literally dealing with typical addictive behavior with regards to masturbation, and needed to put that under control.

To me the rest of it about semen retention and such is just absolute internet nonsense. Releasing sperm is a normal bodily function. Hell, biologically speaking, that's like... the one primary function of the male body.

The goal of getting masturbation and porn addiction under control is to fix the detrimental effects that both might have on your actual sex life, and, incidentally, on your ability to have satisfying relationships. If you're going to put yourself through all of this, make sure you keep your eyes on the ball. You're not doing it just for the sake of doing it. You're doing it so that you can reap some payoff. If you start feeling like you even need to cut real sex out of the equation, what's even the point.

 

non emotional sex such as with prostitutes or one stands can be considered the same as fapping. As stated above the oxytocin release through love making is way more pleasurable than just the dopamine from pmo.

 

It doesn't necessarily have to be with your wife. The issue is when the sex becomes masturbatory. That can be with a one night stand or it can be with your wife of 25 years. Instead you want to focus on intimacy via affection and connection, giving and allow yourself to receive. Again, that can be with a one night stand or it can be with your wife of 25 years.