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35 and older accountability, Group 2

Discussion in 'Events & Challenges' started by persona2903, Nov 13, 2019.

  1. Icewarrior

    Icewarrior Fapstronaut

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    Yes, making it a habit!
     
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  2. InnerMan

    InnerMan Fapstronaut

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    @Icewarrior thanks for your thoughtful message, and you summed it up pretty well. I love what you said here: "if we want to truly heal we have no choice but to come to know ourselves." Well said!
     
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  3. Icewarrior

    Icewarrior Fapstronaut

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    You’re welcome. I still don’t know myself ! Working on it.
     
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  4. persona2903

    persona2903 Fapstronaut

    Yes, I do. I have this experiences and others... this addiction is disconcerting and difficult to pigeonhole into a pattern...
    Now I am writing a post about this...
     
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  5. persona2903

    persona2903 Fapstronaut

    I find it more and more difficult to identify the periods and patterns that lead me to P. When I think I know one, another appears. And when I seem to outgrow a kind of pattern, I fall with the same pattern. This issue of PM is complex and is within an integral dynamic of our lives...

    Some of the things I learned and that when I neglect them lead me to fall are:

    1. You have to live one day at a time, worrying about living it as much as possible. Don't take the victory or defeat of the day for granted. Do not trust in a victorious past or surrender to a history of failures.

    2. Achieve enthusiasm for the day's tasks. A day without passion is just one step away from seeking satisfaction in PM.

    3. Regularly interacting with nofap people is essential to be aware of my fragility, but also the possibility of success.

    4. I must interact with people, because that connects me more with reality and takes me out of my little world that tends to sexual satisfaction.

    5. A good spiritual life makes me strong. Prayer, Bible reading, Christian service are pillars for my spiritual life.​

    I hope it helps you a bit along the way...
    An affectionate greeting and wishes of victory for this day!
     
  6. persona2903

    persona2903 Fapstronaut

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  7. Cremuel

    Cremuel Fapstronaut

    Today is two weeks of no p or m. It’s been hard, but the urges haven’t been as bad as I thought they would be. I’m thankful for family and work to keep me busy. It has helped the time to pass.

    Having this community has also made it much easier than the last few times I tried to stop. It makes a difference to know that there are others who take these goals as seriously as I do. Most of my f2f community is extremely permissive about these things, and I’d be openly mocked if I ever brought it up. Thank God for my fellowship in the faith and on this platform.
     
    Last edited: Jun 21, 2022
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  8. jw2021

    jw2021 Fapstronaut

    Congratulations on 2 weeks. That is a great accomplishment!
     
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  9. ANewFocus

    ANewFocus Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for sharing this. #2 is my greatest struggle to get sober. I struggle to not get bored each day and then want to soothe that boredom with the excitement of PMO. Once I get a streak, #1 is the hardest part because I then want to branch out into other areas of my life and gradually No PMO becomes secondary in my focus.
     
  10. Icewarrior

    Icewarrior Fapstronaut

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    Despite having a meditation practice for the past few years I still find myself trying to escape the present moment so many times each day. So, I asked myself why ? Here are the answers that came up :

    1. Doubt in the power of the present moment. Surely, I've been thinking, to solve my "problems" I need to think hard about them. A lot. How could the silence of the present moment really help me out of this mess ?
    2. Laziness. Not wanting to make the effort all day long to return my attention to the present moment.
    3. Greed. Wanting to indulge in various egoic desires (lust, resentments etc.)
    4. Unhappiness. Wanting to escape from my present life because I don't like it. Escaping into fantasy, daydreams, wishing, to avoid painful feelings.
    5.Fear. I guess this is similar to doubt. I tell myself that if I don't think hard about the issues that are troubling me then nothing will ever change. So, fear of letting go of thinking and then being "stuck." Forever.
    6. Habit. I've spent so long identifying with thoughts and feelings that it's a reflex action, despite all the "meditation."

    I wanted to tell you all this because along with the meditation everyday I pray, exercise, do breathwork, take cold showers, read spiritual works, eat healthily, express gratitude, visit Nofap, research sexual energy, and work full time. Yet, I still struggle. I am now certain that what is preventing real change from occurring is what happens after (and sometimes during) I've finished doing all those things I listed, namely escaping the present moment into fantasy land. How can anything really change when I spend most of my day trying to escape ?
    Thanks for reading that long post. It's not a rant against thinking. I understand that thinking has it's time and place. I'm talking about over-thinking. It'd be great to hear your thoughts !
     
  11. Cremuel

    Cremuel Fapstronaut

    Thanks for the share @Icewarrior. I’ve spent a lot of time in exactly this place. Overthinking, rumination, perseveration… these are some of my biggest struggles. This was especially true back when I first started recovering from my addictions. The mantra I carry around that has always served me best is “do the next right thing.” It’s a great way to get out of my head by focusing on the next useful task. That said, it hasn’t always been easy. Personally, I’ve needed belief in a higher power to help lift me up, though I know that’s not for everybody. What it seems to come down to for me is a strange paradox of surrendering myself to life without trying too hard to do so. Somehow, by relaxing and trusting that things are okay, I’m able to make better choices in the moment. It’s still a work in progress of course. Thanks for the topic.
     
    Last edited: Jun 22, 2022
  12. Icewarrior

    Icewarrior Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for your thoughts, and for the mantra. Trying too hard is another giant stumbling block for me too. Born from self-doubt. I can only guess, but I would not be surprised if self-doubt and all the anxiety that produces is the main cause of acting out for the majority of people who've struggled with pmo for a long time.
     
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  13. NickRivers

    NickRivers Fapstronaut

    Hello Everyone, I would like join this group:
    I have read the rules and would like to join this group

    Also, looking for Accountability Partner, in Spanish or English, but most important someone who share same time zone... Be strong.
     
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  14. ANewFocus

    ANewFocus Fapstronaut

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    You guys are both spot on. It’s so hard to fully live in the present moment. It’s so hard to know constantly that I’m okay in the present moment. Any uncomfortable emotion, sends me seeking pleasure, and it’s just one click away and I’m off.
     
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  15. persona2903

    persona2903 Fapstronaut

    Adding you to the wating list, in a few days will be vacancies!
     
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  16. persona2903

    persona2903 Fapstronaut

    Any uncomfortable emotion, sends me seeking pleasure, and it’s just one click away and I’m off.
    This sentence is an excellent synthesis!
    We must achieve
    • a higher tolerance for frustration
    • a new look at the problems
    • find new and good resources that replace the pleasure of PM
    • understand that it is not necessary to feel pleasure all the time
    How difficult...
     
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  17. Icewarrior

    Icewarrior Fapstronaut

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    I’m working on a new attitude to staying in the present - I tell myself I don’t have to fight to stay there, instead I tell myself to surrender to it.
     
  18. ANewFocus

    ANewFocus Fapstronaut

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    This is just what I was reading in Russell Brand’s book Recovery. He says those exact things in his section about the First Step.
     
  19. Icewarrior

    Icewarrior Fapstronaut

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    That’s good to know! I haven’t read any of his books but I heard he was involved in the 12 steps.
     
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  20. ANewFocus

    ANewFocus Fapstronaut

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    I’m having to get back to living one hour at a time with recovery. Really feeling my emotions, being aggressive about my filters, and trying to accept life on life’s terms and all it’s boredom.
     

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