FREEDOM IS POSSIBLE - I AM THE PROOF

What a great and inspiring story. Thanks for sharing. I will definitely check out those resources and practice your techniques, especially meditation. The funny thing is that today I broke my streak because of sexual thoughts, and I was wondering if meditation would help with that- now, after reading this, I know that it does. Once again, thanks for sharing.

 

Brother, something similar happened with me(one part). Was reading an erotica(straight) which escalated

Spoiler: * Possibly triggering text ! *

to The man getting fucked with a strapon dildo by his wife and he wrote he orgams'd like never before. So i too tried the same twice with an object..

It was painful and don't know how to describe it. But now i get craving to do that again. Can u elaborate how u dealt with this particular thing. It is affecting my sex with my gf. I can't concentrate. This thing distracts me and i looses erection while having sex.

 

I can clearly identify with all the above points you mentioned. The PMO-feedback loop is an extremely negative one and also a very strong one. Although there are probably at least a dozen aligning factors leading up to PMO:ing, you only need to break one in order to abstain but it is much harder than people think.
And the more time you repeat that loop, the stronger will it settle, become harder to break free from and the more miserable will you feel after every single time. That sense of isolation, alienation and misery it brings did almost break me completely three years ago and if I hadn't decide to turn the tide and take some action eight weeks later, I would probably have dug myself even deeper into that bottomless pit.

 

great writing, Thanks for sharing.

 

bruhhhhhhhh i love jerking offffff

 

That's not helpful!

 

The further I go away from pornography, the worse it looks.

 

Yes. Life is way better now without those painkillers.

 

@Todor I am grateful to have read your story going through the process of recovery. I see parallels in your experience and mine. To be honest, I am a little envious (I state this playfully). You stood up and you took NO (to PMO) as the answer. From there you allowed your intelligence to blossom, and blossom it did! Why I am a little envious is the person that got me started in trying to understand why is not me, it is my wife. However, I am extremely grateful that she did ignite the flame of intelligence within me. It took awhile to get the flame burning, but it is there now.

The breath is indeed the most important aspect of recovery. I agree with you 100%. I have started yogic practices and things just feel different. I can switch my attention much more quickly than before.

I will make it my duty to mention your story whenever I can and to even refresh this thread should it fall into the past.

Thanks so much! A true pioneer!

 

hi Todor, your file within the google drive link were missing. But i have donwloaded it already. Here's the file just in case someone looking for it
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1DyHRlpMKVHl13dLYadvaGnByaOfYZDHP/view?usp=sharing

 

Thank you very much for this insight and excellent advice.

 

Wow! That is an amazing story man. Thank you so much for sharing. Keep up the outstanding work.

 

Hello Todor.
Great post, it gives me great hope, because I am in a similar situation with HOCD unwanted toughts, and looking to find a psychotherapist.

How are you now, how is it been going with the healing process?

 

Though too long to read, its very inspirational and motivating.

 

Holy fu..ing shit ! This is the most extraordinary story in this froum ever !
I spend literally a week to read it between my free times !
I did infact relate to some parts of your story. some of the events actually happened to me too.
I have this feeling if you publish this post, you will be this year's new york times best selling author!
I thank you for this post

 

Thank you brother for your story.. i have the same issue with my sexuality, I don't like the idea of I myself being gay, so it took me some time to fully accept it. Honestly, it might be the main concern why i ended up being single for almost 21 years of my existence. I hope one day I'll learn to love myself, forgive and accept. Now, I don't need to label myself as of any gender as long as I don't see them as an object. I love you guys, wish you all the best. I miss myself back, I love myself.