The Lord of the Rings Challenge

Checking in for day 26

These last few days have been harder for me, i haven't been very productive, and that leads me to think more about PMO and NoFap in general. Thankfully my will is currently quite strong so i have been able to steer clear of the urges. Nonetheless i know that this direction is not sustainable. I'm going to try to be more productive from today onward as i know, from experience, it usually leads to less urges.

 

Check in day 270

 

203

 

19 days
Low urges almost all the day but big urges at night yestarday. The urges comes because I started to talk with a girl that I like, it is someone that I don't like for a girlfriend but maybe for date some times. That was a trigger, but managed the urges going to sleep. Today I worked out and took a cold shower.

Keep strong my brothers

 

Day 08...(24 june 2022).

 

Afternoon of the 97th day.

 

Checking in day 223.

 

Day 0

Been staying at a Benedictine monastery for the past week. It’s done me a lot of good, but my mental health is still in a terrible state. I have been taking antidepressants and they have had terrible side effects on me. I thought I might die several times over the past two weeks. I’m grateful I’m still here. In between all the pain and suffering there have been moments of joy and happiness and love and grace. My favourite moments came from reading a book called The 100 Year Old Man Who Jumped Out the Window and Disappeared. I hadn’t laughed so hard and so we’ll in a long time. I will read another book by the same author. I think it will do me good.

The monastery has a private beach which I’ve been using to swim. I was in tremendous emotional pain earlier, so I went for a swim to clear myself out, but unfortunately the pain got worse. I ended up MOing. It gave a temporary release but also regret. What has helped me most of all is to laugh. I had a wonderful time earlier today with two of the other guests here where we just laughed with and at each other. It felt so good to laugh at our sorrows. I opened up about my pain and they were incredibly loving to me. They helped me to laugh and take things a bit less seriously.

 

Crazy Palindrome
Almost there

 

Checking in

Spend morning to move into new apartments.

Afternoon and evening - working and learning for the job

Also spent a few hours outside working

 

Day 323

Started OMAD diet. Today I did let myself eat 2 hours instead of one. But still was just one meal. Since is the first day I think it's okay to give me that. Tomorrow I'll try 1/23 OMAD

 

Day 175

Quite a slow morning; I often find that if I don’t get out of bed first thing I feel like I’m wasting the day, probably a sign that I’m no longer meant to have the habits of a lazy teenager.

No urges today, and had a nice amount of social time in town. If I ever see someone I know or enter into conversation I feel unprepared and rushed, which is not a way I want to be when I could spend some quality time with a friend.

 

Day 0 - Nazgul

 

Day 58
2 days left to day 60
Yeah Buddy! Light weight Baby!

 

Palindrome

 

Day 495

 

Day 3 complete. Started to engage in some fishing behavior on my computer in the afternoon, but fortunately I was able to recognize where that was going and put a stop to it. @Ready to Stop you are absolutely right about the necessity of foresight in determining how we ought to act. I knew the path I was on led to PMO. I knew I didn't want to PMO. Simple as that. Of course, simple does not mean easy, and bigger urges are certainly coming, but this is something doable.

St. Gianna Molla, pray for us.

 

1 days >> Orc (The spell of porn is strong in you)



Planted the flower I bought a couple days ago in a pot on the deck and to my surprise I found a small flower growing in another pot that had a dead plant from last year! I didn't expect it to come back.

Got through most of the day okay urge wise, but then I got hit REALLY hard a bit ago. Thankfully it has died down.

 

Day 0.
I'm feeling sad, it's so difficult but i don't want to lose this fight I want to do whatever it takes to do it well . sometimes the depression finds me and those feelings about feeling lonely , then looking at my friends life like the have a better life than me which I know is not true because we all have a valuable life and we all have the opportunity to be happy on what we do but sometimes those sad feelings slaves me and the next thing it's the relapse which it's a real threat to myself of having a better and happy life.

Another thing is that I'm always trying to be there for them and do the best for them and worry about them but i don't let them be for me or to know that I'm passing a bad time and also I don't know how to explain them, and the next feeling it's anger and sadness , thinking in my mind : " look at them they are happy but they don't care about me they are being happy with their partners with their life, and look at me , lonely , looking after them, caring about them " . So again it is me sabotaging me with my own thoughts with my own the depression.

So in conclusion I need to be aware of this thoughts and be certain that they are just thoughts who have their origin on my depression and that there is a life to live , a real life to accomplish , no matter what other people it's doing , I have the power to accomplish my own goals in life.