Reaching out again, desperate for someone with experience.

So what are you going to do about it?

 

Hi BrainRot,

There is a simple answer to what you need to do, but its not easy. You simply need to adopt a zero tolerance policy to porn...no peeking ever, as it will lead you to relapse.

When you are ready to make a change will you need to break the habit, the first day will be the hardest, then you'll have to take one day at a time. I find that once you get beyond a week, it starts getting easier.

Take today to emotionally prepare yourself that tomorrow you will be quitting porn for good. Take time today to delete all of the porn you currently have, delete accounts and or change passwords so you cannot remember them. Also, start a public day counter here which is at the top of the page. A journal may also help you stay focused. Log onto NoFap everyday and read the success stories and learn how others have overcome this addition.

Also, plan activities that you can do starting tomorrow to keep you occupied. I suggest focusing on your work or taking up a hobby.

Here is another very effective tip. If you ever feel yourself being tempted to watch porn, take a cold shower. Cold showers are very benificial for many reasons, I've been having cold showers every day for a while now, but not for nofap reasons, I do it for my general health.

Good luck, you can do it if you really want to!

 

I started into PMO before 15yo. Many many years of addiction and compulsion, it, together with social problems such as consistent bullying since I was around 8 years old, during many years. I changed school like 7 or 8 times. And each starting on those schools was profoundly scary, not knowing what awaited me, while I was insecure, not only for being raised with strict enslavement under the pretext of "protection", but because I felt very unconfortable with certain aspects of myself such as my fucked up teeth or my clothes. to always wear baggy clothes and oversized clothing and shoes so they would last me years. I used to wear up to 3 homemade shoe insoles in my shoes and insert cotton balls on my shoes to avoid them coming off when walking. Add those feelings to being bullied and hit by your classmates, people 3 to 5 years older than you because of repeating the school year many years. Some of them gang members who did all sort of things on the bathrooms. I lived in deep fear, embarrasement
Now I understand why my PMO addiction which I discovered at around 14yo, evolved to compulsion.
Like you mentioned I used to masturbate many times, sometimes dozens of times. I know the feeling of numbness on your penis, the feeling of not feeling any sensation or releasing anything when you would "ejaculate", but rather just feeling a layer deeper of tiredness and exhaustion. I know the feeling of having an inflamed, sore and bloody penis the next day. And even like that, starting a new fap working day, trying to be as careful as possible to avoid the pain and injuries, trying new techniques to avoid friction.
Then I discovered edging, I remember spending up to 9 hours straight of watching porn and edging nonstop, literally skipping meals because my mind had no time to feel hunger. Then after some rest, or showing myself to my family that I was having dinner or that I was OK, returning to my room and resuming my pmo work for the whole night, yes the whole night, hundreds of porn website tabs open switching from one to another, searching for the best video. I would stop until I would start to hear the birds outside feeling totally exhausted, deeply ashamed, and deeply sad, just wanting to disappear in the darkness, wanting the night (or sleep) to last a full month.

Many years later I discover nofap and started my long journey of fails and strong streaks, and slowly but surely I made progress, last year I reached more than 7 months free of pmo before relapsing in around september. I'll continue later because I got bored, plus I've been crying like a baby and sweating while writing all of this and remembering everything, I need some rest. My point is that it is absolutely possible to change

 

Okay, try this:
1) Work on keeping your attention in the present moment, all day long, everyday.
2) Every time a sexual impulse arises switch your attention to your high ideal.
3) Every time a negative emotion arises transmute it. (If you would like more info on how to do this then just ask).

 

Hey Brainrot,

What you're going through sounds like a struggle, no doubt there. I've been there, and I've had that feeling of hopelessness that emits from this. I reached out to many people back in the day and often times I was misled and unfortunately sold products or programs that were just after my pocketbook. I hope that regardless, you are able to read what some of us are writing here and gain something from it - I can tell you 100% I have no intentions of selling you anything or signing you up for anything, and it looks like the others here won't either. I'd like to help however I can. The support is there, I promise. But you're the one, yes you, who have all the power. And believe me, there's a lot of that - you recognized your issue and asked for help. That's nothing to scoff at.

So you've already accomplished step one possibly without even realizing it. This journey is not an easy one, and there's a reason many people say it might just be one of the most difficult things you'll ever do. But with it comes some of the most fruitful rewards that'll show you the inner strength you've carried all along. That unending desire and recognition to cease this habit that is calling out from inside you is your truest self, and he's ready to break free. But you probably don't want to hear any poetic notions of strength right now. So let's go with the concrete.

You have recognized the issue, and you might have also recognized what has led you to it. What are your tripwires? What causes you to go back? Note that, understand it, and see if you can dig deeper to find the underlaying issues there. If there is a solution, enact it. These are private matters, you don't need to share them unless you want to. I know you've noted a few already in the thread, however I don't have a lot of experience in those regards and unfortunately would not be able to offer much in the way of solid help. You might, however, find someone here in a similar predicament that'll be able to work with you more. But you'll know intuitively once you start digging the 'why' to this. You might be looking for some methods to outsmart the disease, and while I'm certainly no expert or professionally qualified, I can share how I've done it and how some of the others I know have too. The secret in that was in just taking it a single day at the time. Right now, don't worry about a streak, don't worry about 90 days. Don't even worry about 30 days, or 15, or 7. Simply work through today. Simply work through the next fifteen minutes. You'll be able to build on this. These little victories are the grains of success that'll grow in time. You started by reaching out, that's a grain right there. You recognized you're embroiled in this fight, and you want to get better.

Once you understand more about what drives you to use, take whatever steps you can to neutralize those factors, or negate them as much as you can. Example would be, let's say that when boredom strikes, so do urges. What I did, and you may have a different preferred outlet, was start to read on neuroscience and other facets of addiction / conditions like OCD. They say knowing is half the battle, so what better time than to learn about your brain when it appears to be the very thing you're battling? There's a lot of good free resources like YBOP, and many others that users here have shared. That wealth of knowledge will be pivotal in understanding how this works. So when boredom may strike, study. Read. Recognize it as it creeps up, and switch gears. It will not be easy, but as you endure you will grow stronger. You may find an audiobook is nice if you have an activity that is not distracting. I played a lot of a game called the Division while I listened, and took notes down in a notebook. If this isn't an option, a physical book will work as the simple activity of actively reading will give you something to focus on.

Fitness is another potential option. You do not need a gym for this, you don't even need a spare room. I do it in the tiniest corner of my bedroom. When something seems uncontrollable, one trick I learned from a former Navy SEAL was to do 10 pushups. There are options for if you're not able to, and that's alright. There's wall pushups, leg pushups, you could even do a light walk outside. That might even be preferable, since it gets you out of the house and gives you some alone time if you're able to get it. I would feel a thought intrude and I'd let it pass, while also announcing to myself "That's dumb, I'm gonna do push-ups." You could be your own drill sergeant or your own roaring crowd - whatever works for you. I found my self language to be directed at the thought, not myself - and that helped immensely. Self-kindness is a major tool in the toolbox; think of it like helping a good friend. You see all the potential in them, and you want them to get better. Start framing yourself in that mindset, because you can be both your own greatest enemy, but also your own strongest ally.

As for the larger health aspect, there is absolutely no shame in getting professional help. There are resources listed here on this very site you can use if you need to. That is all I'll say on that.

There's quite a bit you're going through that I don't feel nearly qualified enough to comment on. That said, I know there are a great many others just from browsing the welcome section who may be in a similar position as you. it might help to consider talking to them, reaching out and seeing what they do. They definitely have experience I don't. Several of the other posters here also have solid advice, and they've been around longer than I have.

I hope this can help you in some way, and know this - you aren't alone here. Try going through some of the success stories and see which ones resonate with you. All the best. And remember, one day at a time. Fifteen minutes at a time. You can do this.

 

I'm very sorry to hear that your wife isn't really taking this addiction seriously. It can be very difficultvto face this by yourself. Nobody in my family seems to take it seriously either.

A good method is spending less time online.

 

this youtube channel helped me in quiting porn

 

Go from 9 to 8 . From 8 to 7. From 7 to 6. From 6 to 5 . From 5 to 4 . From 4 to 3. From 3 to 2 and from 2 to once....and eventually you will be able to start your streak.
The main issue is that you are escaping from your uncomfortable emotions by running to pmo.
This is normal behaviour.
The issue with you ( it seems) is that you have plenty of uncomfortable persistent emotions...
Try to do meditation- breathing and exercise.
Good luck.