I Keep Relapsing, for Years Now

I hear ya OP. I strongly recommend a porn blocker. Block it on all your devices and make it impossible for yourself to view porn. I find this can help a lot.

 

I have been able to get through blockers too. Since I work in IT, I have countless ways to get through it. But I have finally come up with something that is very difficult to bypass, actually impossible. The question is, do you need your computer for work/study etc.

Firstly do you have MacOS or Windows. I have Windows.

You would need to block access to factory reset, regedit, command prompt, task manager, limited priveleges in the File System, no access to proxy sites, no ability to install virtualisation software, no ability to boot from an external USB stick or hard drive etc. Pretty much the only thing possible would be to remove the HDD, attach it to another computer and format it. I also don't have another computer to attach it to. Would have to get another computer to do that, which is too much of a hassle and costs money. By then the urge goes away. My mobile device is completely blocked to anything pornographic. And I blocked all ability to download any other app.

I send myself the admin password to my e-mail account, which I can receive by e-mail one month later if I so wish(or at a future date I specify). I don't have any access to the porn blocker password. I also can not use forgotten password for anything, since I have taken care of all that.

Only times that is problematic for me, is when I need full admin priveleges for work/study related stuff and I have access to the password. During that time, my computer won't be locked down.

 

Hi OP & others,

I've been where you guys are - attempting to rid myself of porn and struggling/relapsing even after having some "success". One of the things that helped me the most, and has had a strong transformational effect, is to really examine your mind.

What I mean is, IMHO, porn is almost always an escape from something one doesn't like (kind of like alcohol or other drugs). (It could be a feeling like anger, fear, helplessness, wanting approval, wanting control, etc.)

I would encourage you to observe your mind just prior to your thoughts of opening up a web browser for porn. (Write this down in a journal somewhere.) It might seem difficult at first, but with practice, you'll start "catching it".

Then you can address the root issue (e.g. maybe you need to forgive yourself, or apologize to someone, or forgive someone else for some trauma in the past, etc.) This gets at the root of the issue, and in my experience, you'll find you have less and less interest in porn....and eventually be free of it.

I wrote some other posts about this as well, and I hope they and this post can be of help. Best wishes!

 

Hey, I relate too. Been struggling with it for a long, long time, and keep falling back. What Deconstruct_themind says is true, but there is no one single solution, I feel. I just have to use as many means as possible.

 

Yes I agree! All the solutions help.

 

Reaching over 4 weeks seems like decent progress. I've also struggled for few years and would like to get past 2 weeks.

 

Hey Diderik, I'm in a similar boat as you at the moment.

Let's take some inventory real quick though, before we go any further. I've looked at the thread and I have to say, you've already taken the first few steps. Take that into account, you're already starting to improve. And you even have an action plan! Now, all you need to do is implement that plan right? That's a good step to be at; you're taking action. We all stumble from time to time, do not beat yourself up over it. Recognize what caused it, which it looks like you did, and see what you can do to avoid that tripwire again in the future. At one point early on, I stopped taking my phone with me to the bathroom, and I would only use it at night to listen to passive episodes of a podcast so I could fall asleep easier. That's what I did, you might find a part of it may apply to you. Discipline is your friend here. Willpower will only get you by for so long.

One thing I'd like to recommend, and whether you feel this is right for you or not is entirely up to you, would be to stop worrying about how long you're going to go. This is by no means a short journey, and sometimes we can spook ourselves and slash our willpower by envisioning such a herculean task of strict abstinence for such a long time. The best method, as referenced in many 12 step programs and books, is to just take it one day at a time. You just need to be PMO-free for today. When you sleep and wake up, you start again. Just focus on the day ahead. That's our next point - focus.

Thoughts are going to be there. Our brain does not like being deprived of its dopamine, and it knows us better than anything else on a level we still sometimes struggle to comprehend on a scientific level. It will find ways to take control and make you slip up. It starts with those thoughts. How do we eliminate these? Unfortunately, there's no surefire solution to erasing thoughts from our head and preventing them from ever coming back. What we can do, however, is when they arise, simply let them pass. Treat it like you're an observer, and this is just passing by. They don't have control over your actions, and they don't have control over you. Instead, if the feeling grows, tell yourself you'll deal with it in 10 to 15 minutes, and set your focus towards something else. It could be a hobby, a walk, a nice book physical or audio - anything hopefully productive that will refocus your mind on it. I'd recommend doing something you are involved in, as passively watching a show or sitting idle can be detrimental and allow your mind to wander into that minefield. You also want to avoid any potential pitfalls or tripwires here - stressful things or triggers that'll make it worse. You know these intuitively, and being honest with yourself is a vital tool here. If you know playing a certain game will only make things worse, perhaps find a different one. Maybe you need to be turning the pages of an actual book, and perhaps even taking notes down if it's for research or study purposes.

The main goal is to refocus. Look into the parts of your plan and see if there're any contingencies for when things act up. Is there a work out you'd like to try? A regiment you'd like to begin? When the thoughts creep up, neutralize them by switching gears to something else. Let them pass by, like a loud truck just driving down the street. Yes, it's loud. It's annoying. You might even think it's dangerous, but it will pass. Replace the 'I can't think about this' or 'I can't do this' with 'I can go read another chapter,' or 'I can go build some more of my model,' or even 'It's a lovely day, and I could use a nice walk.'

I've been rediscovering these as I've gotten back on the wagon. Posting here, personally, has helped a lot because there are a lot of people here who know exactly what you're going through. And whether you're seeking help or providing it or both even is a wonderful channel of the energy you have.

I hope this provides some help, and know that we're in this together. You've done so well already, and we're all human and slip up occasionally. I have faith you can do it, especially since you've already had some success. (And this goes for all of you who've had streaks before.) But just remember, you're not at step / day zero. You've learned. You can adapt. You're still in the fight. That's what separates you from Day Zero.

 

Not sure if it applies to yoiu, but to reboot and recover successfully you need to quit smoking and other non natural substance (ab)uses.
They will prevent the dopamine receptors to heal completely.

It has been shown that addicts who also smoke, quitting smoking and their primary addiction, has a better prognosis, than only quitting for example cocaine, but not smoking.

 

Actually that could help a lot right there. I'm not saying quit sugar or restrict heavily by any means at all, but for me personally I found that when I adopted a Ketogenic diet (because it works well for me, I don't wholly recommend it for most people in all honesty) I had a much easier time abstaining and sticking to the program. I felt better in general, and these feelings contribute to the willpower cookie jar in great ways. So you may not have to 'kick' sugar entirely (it depends on your personal health in reality) but decreasing your consumption of sugary foods and simple carbohydrates may help you a lot. Fruits are also helpful in this manner. That's just a lil' tip, you don't absolutely need to do it. But I found that it helps.

Right now I've cut out diet soda, a thing I practically survived on, and have replaced it with lots of water and this drink called Zevia. So far, I've found it to be somewhat effective. At least, I feel better, and it's easier to stay on track since there's no hidden discomfort or negative effect of the food I eat that'll contribute to PMO urges later. Your mileage may vary, as they say.