New in NoFap: My story (argentinian user)

Well guys im not totally new to NoFap but this is the first time I decided to write.
First of all, I want to apologize because of my bad English, as I said in the title Im from Argentina.
My name is Matías, Im 35 yo now, and this is my story which possibly began over 17 years ago. I decided to write in order to contribute and participate in research on this topic since some curious things that happened throughout my life could be explained from a more accurate perspective, perhaps newer, or even still hidden. I am not resigned, after all, to the fact that it is only about suggestions or an increase in the levels of certain neurotransmitters. But I think it is necessary to conduct research in this direction, compiling stories in which the patterns coincide in order to seek a common explanation.
So this is it, I hope this is the right place to tell it. I'm typing it in the next few days.

 

One of the strangest things I have to say before I start my story is that I didn't find out about the NoFap until a long time after I had been experiencing the symptoms on my own. Some years later, when I decided to do a more formal search and try to see if anyone shared my experience or had something similar happen to them, that's when I googled it and started reading the nofap forums, a huge number throughout the world.
I cannot say exactly where this perception or intuition originated regarding sexual energy and more precisely regarding masturbation and retention of semen. Possibly it had to do with my religious upbringing, feelings of guilt (in fact, I had warts on my hands for many years), social pressures, or through books such as those by Hermann Hesse that filtered, for example, the philosophy of Buddhism.
The thing is, I remember exactly the day I told a friend in the university library that there was something in masturbation, that every time I stopped doing it I could feel how the attitude of the people around me, especially women , changed. So I began to experiment, in my solitude, with short periods of abstinence. As I said before, I did not have any other information since I did not know NoFap, and I add that I did not have a partner, so abstinence at that age (20 years old) became very hard. At the same time every time I talked about this theory with my friends they laughed. Only one responded in a serious manner. He said that he didn't see anything magical about it but that it was probably a change in attitude that occurred when you stopped masturbating.

 

By that time, I can no say I was addicted to porn (I had no pc, no smartphones, no magazines, just one or two bad quality dvds, and the diffused lines of a codyfied tv channel where you needed to guess the bodies), but I was quite addict to fap, and sadly both increased with time.
Two years before, as a teenager, I had a girlfriend, the relationship was ok but after several months we did not have sex. So I had a pic of her, she was really pretty. You can imagine my urges, so I fapped over her photo, when I was alone in my bedroom. I spread the semen over it. a mess. I believed it was nothing but things started to go wrong in our relationship, I couldnt handle it anymore and we broke. She was my first love so it was kind of traumatic at least. It could be a coincidence, surely the reasons we broke were other, but it is the first time I remember fap and universe joined as a chance, or the key word I learned after "synchronicity".

 

After 5-6 months of no PMO hard mode something really curious happened. I was single, I had then near 30 yo.
So, every day I went to work walking some minutes before 8am. There were eight blocks from my appartment to work office. One day I noticed there was a girl everyday she said hello, she was riding her bike way to her work too. She said loudly "Hello". I thought I knew her but I didn't, and this sequence repeated everyday. I have to admit I am not successful with women and although when I was younger I had my opportunities, at thirty it had already been a long time since I was approached by any girl, it has always depended on me and my attitude. Im not shy but due to failures time gave me lower and lower self-esteem. So we can say that was kind of luck or chance.
Anyway, I ignored this stuff and forgot about it. But one day, maybe next week, suddenly she came across to my sidewalk. I mean, try to imagine there were nobody in this street at this hour. Just her and me, and she crossed the street to my sidewalk to say hello, again.
She was kind of pretty, brunette, thin, nice clothes and hair and most important she had a big smile.
This happened again the next day. It almost caused me shame, I mean, I felt I must do something about.
So next day, I can't remember well, but I wrote my number in a piece of paper into a book, and added a phrase or candy... When I saw she came AGAIN walking in my direction (she almost fall down because of her cleats shoes, true!) she said "hello", and I said "Wait" and I took this paper inside the book with my phone number and gave it to her. She laugh and kept going her way.
Some minutes after, when I was at work, she wrote me telling me her name and said that she loved what I had done... So I saved her phone number and kept chatting a while.
What happened next I can tell you in another chapter where I will tell how I relapsed and this magic fell down overnight.

 

Something strange happened a week ago.
Im over 30 days of NoFap and as I try to become a better man, whatever it means, I bought some clothes like white shirt, shoes, an overcoat, a nice sweater. I also go swimming 3 times a week and go to a Literature and writing Club 3 times a week.
So suddenly my wife said "When did you change so much?", specially on the clothes. She said I was prettier but instantly she became sad. We had a discussion about this. And I think she feels like Im seeing someone else or she's going to lose me. Im not. Anyway, I dont think the problem it's me but she needs to go out a bit.
I think NoFap could be dangerous shaking your life. it puts things in order and in balance. and maybe you're not totally ready to break through it.