The Lord of the Rings Challenge

Checking in day 232.

 

Day one again

 

It's great to be back!

 

Check in day 277

 

Check in day 278

 

Check in day 279

 

Day 184

Spent most of the day travelling back home with my family, gave me ample time to recover from the wedding! Back in my new place and facing a new normal, my current goals are to consistently go to the gym six times a week and to only drink alcohol on social occasions - if I don’t prioritise my overall health now my mental health will take the toll.

No urges today as I’ve been pretty tired, but in a new home so have to be careful that I don’t get tempted. I’ve decided not to place a desk in my room, mainly because I don’t have the space but also because I want my room to be a place of rest - it also makes it harder for me to consume any PMO content!

 

Day 19!

Just wanted to say how great an Accoutabillity partner is for recovery. Having someone to talk with about your past failures and future dreams is amazing. It lightens the shame.

 

Hey man,

Thanks for saying those kind words. I am a Moonie by upbringing and I tend to look at most things through a Christian lens. The thing for me is I’ve recently come to believe I might have OCD, which has latched onto my religious beliefs and turned God into a slavedriver and the harbinger of my compulsive thoughts.

but today I was doing the worship at my church and these lyrics were very wholesome and encouraging:
“You’re a good good Father, it’s who You are… and I’m loved by You, it’s who I am…”

At the end of the day, I like my church community. I like that it’s a place where people care about me, listen to me, encourage me and support me. I find that in my community it’s a place where we practice the great commandment of “Love your neighbour as yourself”. I think it’s the “as yourself” that I struggle with, which I think will be a whole life’s work, just like learning to love the other as other is a whole life’s work.

What about you, friend? I’m not sure if this is a suitable discussion for this forum so feel free to DM me.

 

Day 3

Heaven knows I’m miserable now…

Depression has a tight hold on me, but I have to say it is a wonderful thing to be able to talk honestly about it to people and find some people who care about me and want to be there for me. Many people at church today were very kind and supportive towards me and it redeemed me from my loneliness. I really didn’t want to leave church at the end of it as I felt so loved and I knew the pain of loneliness would return once I left. In the end I hung out around for a while and went with a few others to visit a younger brother who hasn’t been doing too well. I didn’t know what to say or how to help him. I probably said some things I needn’t have but I think what matters more is that we showed up. As John Green rightly said, quoting his mentor from when he was a chaplain, “Don’t just do something, stand there.”
I think that’s the best thing you can do in times of pain. “Show up and shut up.”
I went for a swim after. Had some intrusive sexual thoughts about one of the girls there, I think it’s because of the porn binge I went on this week. Otherwise it felt amazing to swim there. Really pushed myself, swam for a good hour and a bit and I felt fantastic on the tram ride home, didn’t need music or a book or anything, I just sat there soaking up that amazing feeling. It was great.

Had a nice chat with a girl at church who recently got married, it was nice to see her as my sister and friend. I had a lovely chat with her older sister too, but the problem is once I got home I started doubting myself over that conversation. Think it’s just the OCD again, overanalysing.

Thank you for taking the time to read this if you got this far, I hope you have a wonderful day/evening and I wish you all the best in your journey towards the life you want to have and the person you want to be.

 

Wooow fantastic man!! Big congrats!! Now cast it into the fire!! No dilly-dallying!

 

212
palindrome

 

Day 9 is completed.

 

Day 330, 331 & 332

Just came back from a religious journey! I progressed in some important things

 

Day 6 complete!

I think my last three streaks all ended after 5 days, so I'm happy to have reached this benchmark. Not too happy, though--I have to keep going! This afternoon I was really tempted for a bit to look up some porn that I remembered from years ago, but instead I decided to go on a long walk and pray my rosary. Brilliant decision all around. I still acknowledge that I don't feel entirely safe at the moment, but it's more of a general lingering desire for PMO in my subconscious than a true urge. It's there. It won't win.

St. Thomas the Apostle, pray for us!

 

Day 25 complete

missed a checkin yesterday. But on weekends there are not a lot of things going on concerning nofap. Maybe only that finaly after a while I’ve been intimate with my wife and not because I talked her into it, but she asked for it. And now as you would say, I should be aware of the chaser effect, but my goal is to be chased not to chase any woman sexualy

 

Hi Guys,

Had a great weekends, spent time learning and also had a workout outside.

This morning I had an erotic dream, when I woke up I've got a brain fog as if I was watching porn but not that severe.

Also I should prioritize reboot more

25 days – You spend the night at the old Watchtower of Amon Sûl. PMO forces are lurking in the area.

 

15 days and 0 days
For a few hours I breathed fresh air as a hobbit

 

Day 02...(4 July 2022)..

 

Day 0