I am on my journey towards 90 days without PMO, trying for first time

Let's do this.

 

it all starts with a day --- make good friends here on the forum and that will help you in accountability

 

Firstly - Great work on going ten days so far! That's absolutely brilliant work! After fourteen years, you've started a journey of healing and recovery and are off to a great start. Nice work!

These urges, unfortunately, will be present at times. They are a result of a brain deprived of a constant source of potent dopamine as a result of the effects of an unnatural hyperstimuli that wreaks havoc on the primitive reward centers in our brain. This tends to create a reaction in which the brain will utilize whatever it can to convince you to give it that fix - including supplying neuro chemicals specifically tied to overriding your sense of logic and rationality. These are what can make rebooting so difficult, but they're not invulnerable. The best way to mitigate these is to identify whatever tripwires you face, and learn how to navigate them successfully to reduce the effect these chemicals will have. Once they kick in, the difficulty here spikes tremendously. If you feel a thought looming, let it pass by. Observe your body, stay in the moment. If it's too strong, tell yourself you'll deal with it in fifteen minutes, and find another productive activity to do that'll require your focus and mindfulness to complete. If there is a lack of dopamine, a surefire way to bypass this could even just be fifteen minutes of light exercise. Take a walk, hop on a treadmill, anything that gets you active in some way for a short time. This'll give you a kick of dopamine and defeating the urge will be much, much easier. It will require effort.

I think it goes without saying, but the number one thing to avoid here is peeking and edging. These prime your brain for a hit of dopamine, and as such some of these chemicals like DeltaFosB can be released that'll make further abstinence far more difficult than ordinary. Is it a relapse? Some consider it so, as you're activating the pathways you're trying to rewire. I won't get into that debate, but you need to decide for yourself based on your goals and your circumstances. If you activate these pathways, you are indeed setting yourself back on a neural level to some degree depending on the time spent doing so. This early on, you should take whatever measures you can to avoid this in the future. Otherwise, for now, consider it a slip-up and recognize what led you to doing that. It is never as good as your brain wants you to think it is. Ever. The only thing that'll even come close to achieving the satisfaction you really want is an actual physical relationship.

But, for now? Focus on taking it one day at a time. It can be helpful to have a goal, but really, all you have is the now. All you need to do is stay clean today. Don't worry about what you'll do tomorrow, just stay the course for today. Stay the course for the next fifteen minutes.

There are several books and websites that offer the science in a far better format than I can. YBOP has a wealth of accredited institutions that have provided real tangible scientific research on this subject, and a surplus of anecdotal accounts that are related to a myriad of different circumstances people have found themselves in and overcome. There are many books recommended here as well, and I wholeheartedly encourage you to pick some of these up to further your understanding. "The Brain that Changes Itself" and the "Willpower Effect" are two of my current favorites, though I've read many on the subject in order to help myself - and now by extension, help others however I can. But again, these individuals who've written these pieces are far more qualified than I am to get into the nitty-gritty on the details. Let me know if you'd like any more recommendations, I'll shoot you a message.

Glad to have you, I hope things go well!

 

My suggestion is that the urges start much earlier than you think. So at some point your urges were probably controllable. Or maybe you didn't notice that you were feeling weak willed that day. Analyze and try again

 

all the best -- i recall months ago, when i took the same challenge of hitting 90 days on no PMO. Luckily, could do it and today i am on day 137

 

It's like a session of Destiny or the Division. Personally I prefer the Division. A lot of the same enemies, same attacks, all that. The level of difficulty spikes according to your choice (Hard mode, No P, etc) and it scales with you, because it's your brain. But it's not a hierarchy of difficulty, necessarily. Sometimes the enemy NPCs just do a few different tricks, sometimes they just overwhelm us. It's like when you're dealing with a single red-tier or bottom barrel enemy, and alone it's fine. But when he shows up with twenty of his friends... it gets difficult. Not impossible though.

Sometimes a challenge may appear to be harder but it's simply a different tactic on part by our brain and its little NPCs (dopamine receptors, etc) that it uses to try and defeat our rational and logical side. Sometimes there's an 'Elite' enemy with an armor bar; sure, much more difficult, but not impossible and hey - they tend to drop cooler loot. The loot in this case is the actual reward response to overcoming the urge, and the actual XP you gain in reality from overcoming it. XP in this case is actual experience in combating your urges, in learning how to let them pass, recognizing them, etc. It's actually quite quantifiable if you look at it like that. But it's not a linear game. It's definitely, at least with my brain, a Ubisoft title. (Yes, there's microtransactions too, because I'm on Keto and I can't seem to understand when to quit. Oh well!)