Reasons why we watch porn and masturbate

Self reflection is a wonderful tool and I'm glad you're making use of it.

First I want to congratulate you on 17 days clean in April. I know that must not have been easy, but you did it. That was 17 days without PMO successfully completed. You are not at Day Zero, you have learned. This is evident by your reasons given, particularly. The fact you did 17 days means that certainly you are capable of doing a day. That is the mindset that many 12 step programs stand by - take it one day at a time. You haven't failed, you've learned. You're still here, and if it were true failure, that wouldn't be true. You wouldn't want to change. You have more experience now, experience which will help you and others further down the road.

Secondly, I want to point out that one thing many don't take into account is that when you're facing an addiction, you are facing a facet of your unconscious self which is after the next high. This is your brain, chemically speaking, and the pathways in it have been extremely desensitized due to prolonged periods of hyperstimuli usage. The problem, therefore, is in your brain, not your character necessarily. You were able to stay clean for a period of time; a significant one that many have trouble reaching. This means you do have it in you, consciously, to go about this successfully!

So what does this mean? In short, a lot of reasons why we M and watch P are due to the pathways in our brain wired to make us crave more. The brain knows you well, and is chemically equipped to override your notions of sense and rationality. Neuroplasticity can be our best friend or our greatest enemy - but the most overlooked factor is that it is an incredibly powerful tool. We just have to know how to channel it and utilize it to our advantage. A quick common example would be to look at a piece of broccoli and a Hershey's Chocolate Bar. You know one is healthier than the other, but 9/10, your brain will signal you to crave the chocolate bar. See where I'm going with this? Bottom line, many of these reasons are linked to the pathways in our head, and dopamine / all the -gens play a massive role in this. That's why sometimes it feels we're overpowered by our 'cravings', because our brain wants the next fix. It is simply wired so. But that's also why we call it Rebooting.

I have faith you can do this. You've proven you have before. All you need now is to readjust and refocus, and gather some more tools using the experience you've gained. I'm rooting for you, sir.

 

According to the National Institute of Health, this indeed appears to be the case. Hyperstimuli provided by digital means, we'll say, is extremely harsh on the primitive reward centers in our brain. It shorts them out, and that's why we find ourselves in increasing states of escalating use and urges. There are a few wonderful books I recommend on the topic. But exactly - once you know that this is your brain, not you, it makes combating this a lot more manageable. It still has its difficulties, but those dissipate with time. This is an addiction, so treating it as such is the most necessary and effective approach I've personally found and it's backed up by the science and anecdotal reports by Fapstronauts since the beginning.

21 days is an admirable goal, but keep in mind - You don't need to worry about 21 days right now. All you need to do is get through today. All you truly need to do, is get through the next 15 minutes. You've got this.

 

I have a couple pointers that may or may not help. I don't expect all of them to be popular with the community.

1. Research the porn industry... who runs it, why and how much they profit off the misfortune and misery of many.
2. If you're as tired as you claim to be, force yourself to put down your devices and go to sleep. Prioritize getting quality rest.
3. If those fail you, carry on engaging in PMO. It will destroy you to the point at which you'll have so little will that you won't even masturbate.

Two choices: you can give up porn and masturbation or your mind and body will give up on you. Many of us know this to be the truth.

 

Sent it your way.

I've found that many of my own personal reasons changed once I further researched and read onto it, though the core principals stayed the same. It did help me look at things with a better degree of kindness towards myself, which I think is super important for doing this successfully. Hope it helps!

 

I PMO because there is no fun in life and seeking pleasure and fun is my reason. But, I noticed there is no fun in doing PMO. I want to have a REAL girl instead of a pixel and there are a lot of fun things in these world. I forgive myself for my past self and I am not only trying but also doing WHATEVER will keep me from PMO. Peace!

 

No offence but why do you watch porn when you've got a woman who loves you lying right next to you in bed? I haven't been in a relationship before but whenever someone says they can't stop PMOing when in a relationship I can't fathom it!

 

I think you are wrong bro cause you can't know if you are not on their shoes. PMO ruins relationship what I mean is there is actually a loose bond between couples/ families and so on. Do you have a good relationship with your parents who love you? Or do PMO ruined it? Think about that

 

Im married and had the same issues, M the morning after sx because i was in a very bad place and it was the only way to feel good again for a short while and silence the aggressive voices pushing me into doing it. Ive learnt such a lot lately and remember P addiction is merely the SYMPTOM of the problem. What triggered you to think of P? Can you remember how you discovered it, what was happening in your life during that time. You may have discovered P at a time you needed a comfort and since then i guess you've used it since as a comfort blanket? I have had to deal with some very unpleasant trauma that created my addition and by tackling this i feel different positively. Everyone is different and have their own stories but i hope i have helped in some way, take care friend.

 

Loved this answer, I like data, logic. Which is just another reason this addiction is beyond frustrating. This answer helps a lot, thanks!

 

Thankfully there's a lot of good legitimate resources on this from great neuroscientists who continue to collect data on this. YBOP keeps a lot of good articles on it, and some of the recommended books answer a lot of questions you may have. One of my recent favorites is a book on Willpower, which details the reasons why it is so difficult and yet so powerful in terms of changing our habits. Highly recommend it. But definitely check out some of the research studies - they'll clear a lot up. And they're free.

It's frustrating but it's not unbeatable. Just gotta know how it strikes, and how it creeps in. That's how you learn to identify potential cravings / pitfalls you face and you can deal with them much more effectively. Honestly, that's probably the only reason I was able to get back on the wagon at all!

Depends on what your 'why' is and your specific goals. MO without the P isn't the worst thing in the world, but whether or not it activated those pathways you're trying to recover is important. Still, wouldn't beat yourself up over it - minor slip up. Don't worry about the streak so much as take it day by day. If you focus on the number of days, it can become exceedingly difficult. And those don't really say much, honestly - not in terms of recovery. Some people will require sixty days, others ninety, some entire years. Ironically, the less you think about it, the better off you'll likely be.

Because from one perspective, the goal is 'No PMO,' right? But from another, the goal is 'I want to be healthier.' You already know what this constitutes in your case, but essentially you don't want to constantly think of 'I can't do this' or 'I can't do that' because then it seeds that into your brain, and your brain is going to want to do that. I'm paraphrasing some studies heavily here, I have not had morning coffee in sometime and I'm still getting used to it. But broad terms? Might help to have some visual imagery of what you goal's result looks like. I'm gonna use a random example, apply it to yourself as necessary: Say someone wanted to become a professional soccer player, and dedicated themselves towards taking the steps necessary. This might involve dieting, and will definitely involve exercise and training. It may be counterproductive for them to think of why they can't have pizza hut anymore constantly, but it will be super productive for them to think of what they can do and why they're doing it. The feeling of putting on the cleats and stepping onto the field in their jersey? That's something worth thinking about. And it's a passive reminder to stick towards the healthier habits they've built so they avoid the less-than-stellar ones. That's how I do it.

I used to come to the forum almost religiously, but I found that it did have an effect on me of keeping my mindset in the 'No PMO' range and kept glued to my psyche. It was hard to focus on much else. However, I've made it a personal rule to only visit at most once a day, and only respond to four posts. (More if I'm in a conversation, but that tends to be my rule.) There are some willpower hacks I'm currently trying to apply. I can't say for certain whether they'll work or if they'll work for everyone, but I've had some minor success.

 

Ok. I’m practically in the same boat as you op. I just have one extra. My attraction to wemon grows to the existent that the only thing that I will notice is their body. I have a girlfriend & she means the world to me. I personally don’t like to look at other wemon in that way irl. So I’ve just have been “taking care of it” by online means. But it’s recently became a problem when I’m not able to get the the “grand finish” with her. So I absolutely want to stop. I’ve gotten to a point in my life that she is the only one that matters to me. (Besides my family)

 

Also I’m very new on here & I am absolutely willing to admit I need help.

 

I have no purpose in life and that make me run to pmo hit all the time. So when i realised this, i stopped wasting time learningabout reboot stuff and all and instead i try to build a purpose in life ( still i am working on that).