Hey it's me. I need everyones help. Please...!(A cry for help)

Hi Rob

Well done on being very honest with yourself and seeking help. I am new to this community but it is pretty cool that everyone is fighting there own demons and giving each other support.

From what you have written it seems like you are not a bad person but a decent human being who is in a bit of a slump but needs help to get out. That is completely normal.

As for what you did in the past, you were a little kid, you were innocent and just dealing with an emotion that you didn't understand so don't beat yourself up about it.

In my opinion what I would advise for you if you can afford it (there might be a free option for someone of your age where you live) is to find a professional psychotherapist/ counselor who you can work with over the period of a few months because how you are feeling is deep routed and is most likely coming from somewhere in your childhood. I know therapy helped me loads.

I wouldn't discuss this with your girlfriend just yet, as you guys are quite young she may not be ready to understand your problem and she seems like a good thing in your life so I don't think there is any urgency to tell her in detail what is going on with you, at least discuss it with a professional first.

something to remember

What happened in the past is irreversible so try not to give it too much energy, what happens now is what you have control over.

keep positive

 

I concur…

1) Professional guidance could be very helpful for you.
2) I wouldn't tell a girlfriend while that young.
3) What you describe experimenting with as a child is in the past, and not as was mentioned above, you were an innocent little child. What's done is done. Having said that, you may benefit from discussing those things with a professional who can help you process them

You're 16, you're almost at a week, and you're being open about your problems. <--That is nothing to be ashamed about!!

 

Just remember to take it a day at a time. This is hard when you have your whole life ahead of you. But focus on that step you are taking... notice the pebbles on the ground... slow down... let your peers tease because they are different.... you will be glad you took the time to enjoy your teen years patiently.

Also, stay connected with others. This will help you win the battles. You are doing the right thing by speaking up. Good job.

All the decisions you make now will pay something in the future... what will it be? What will be the wisest decision you could have made?

 

Hey mate. It's really good to see you are so open about what you have done in the past, however my advice would be to not focus on this. It is important that you try and commit your focus to right now and to take things one day at a time. I'm certainly no expert but I believe to beat this addiction takes vigilence and commitment.

As for telling your girlfriend this would be a risky choice. I recently told my girlfriend of 1 year about my own struggles and I wasn't really preparred for her response (she cried her eyes out). This did, however help me to realize that I wasn't just hurting myself when I masturbated and watched porn but I was hurting her as well. I had hoped that my girlfriend would essentially be my accountability partner but i think this subject hurts her too much for that hence why I turned to the NoFap community. So if your going to tell your girlfriend you need to be aware that she will probably be upset with you but I can't give an accurate prediction as all girls are different and hence their reactions to this will be different.

Anyway hope this helped, best of luck brother. Stay strong and focus on what is happening now. Remember: learn from the past, live in the present, be mindful of the future, dwell on nothing.

 

Hello Rob,

you write about shame, darkest secret, but I'm sure it was no bad thing, not a sin, nothing to be ashamed what you did as a child. I don't know where you are from- but I can imagine that it is a problem to live in a region there the catholic sexual morality is dominant or there are laws they declare every kind of nudity or sex outside a marriage as a crime.

Don't worry and stop torturing yourself. You was child- 6 or 7 years old. I know from my own- this is the time to discover his own body, to interest other bodies and important- with no sexuality in mind. So it is a normal behaviour what you did.
My childhood was in the eastern socialist part of Germany. There it was normal to play and bath naked as a child. I have had a good friend and we played doctor and patient, examined each other, also the "private parts". It was fun, a game, an interesting experience. We felt no shame, it was more curiosity. And I had a friend who liked to play police and criminal that ended with an intensive stripsearch. But hey- it is normal behaviour for a 6 year old child. Even if your body is close to the body of your friend it is only exploring his own body and the body of your friend in a playful way. It is nothing to worry about.

And it is not a crime or a sin to be gay or bisexual! But you are not gay if you explore your friends body as a child. If you are 18 or 20 years old you know for sure your sexual preference I would say.

But you have a girl who loves you and you love her too. So please enjoy that and don't think too much about the experience from your childhood. This experience is really normal behaviour for a child. And you are right- it is better don't telling your experience your girlfriend, it would destroy too much.

Good luck to control your problems!

 

One thing too I'm guessing you are finding about this forum is few if anyone judges others. Your honesty with yourself and others is helpful to me as well as yourself. Thank you.

 

When I was about 8 years old, I pulled down my panties in front of my two female cousins of about the same age that I was playing with. It was supposed to be just for fun, but their reaction was amusement mixed with shock, as you can imagine. And, what's worst - my mom found out, lol.

But I'm saying that just to confirm that I am now 21 years old and am not doing that anymore except for with women that want to actively participate in the strip-game with me.

That's it for the laugh; anyway, my spirit is with you, and I wish you the very best in your struggle. I myself am on my day 6 now. Should you need some accountability partners - let me know, we hold a free place in our WhatsApp group that responds nearly instantly to any SOS-es.

 

Hello Rob,

thank you. If you feel the body of your friend close to yours as a child it is a very exciting experience. So it is normal if you are aroused when you think of this experience. I can imagine this childhood experience was very emotional maybe a little confusing and so strong that it is etched in your mind. But don't be afraid that this could have something to do with any sexual preference as a gay. The arousal years after your experience with a boy is because of the strong emotions during that I would say.

And if you fap it is no sin and no reason to be mad about yourself. Masturbation is a natural way for the brain to deal with Psycho-Stress. It is not the best way and it is better to find other solutions to deal with stress, but to blame yourself for fapping is the best way to stay stressed and to fap again.
It can be a long way to deal with personal problems without masturbation and foils are normal.
So don't be frustrated if there is a foil and try to keep away from fapping for longer the next time.

 

Having that early experience, and feeling so ashamed of it, sets one up for a life of shame paired with sex. I have a similar story, and worried for decades about what a childhood experience meant about me. Try and let go of the shame sooner than later - I've wasted 30+ years only to discover what the people in this thread are saying: kids are kids. The shame's imposed from elsewhere. Forgive it. It's a mind trip.

One might also say that being exposed to porn so pervasively from a young age is another kind of abuse; kids don't seek out porn, they stumble onto it. Once enjoyed, it sets a pattern. You're young - take all opportunities to let this go, develop healthy sexuality. I wish you the best.

 

Rob28,

Thanks for sharing. Some threads attract little attention, but this one is on page 2 after only 2 days. Obviously a very passionate and dear topic to many of us dealing with masturbation issues. I went back and read your journal and sense you are a winner and you will win this struggle also.

My young exploring did not come until age 14 or 15 and then it was with my younger brother. I felt shame and more shame and even more shame for years. Counselors over the years explored with me if it was abusive or just exploratory, and I found that many boys explore with other boys. But enough about me. This is about you.

Even though you now know that boys sometimes explore with other boys, that is only knowledge. How those experiences have effected you through the years and how they effect you now is something that would be best explored with a professional counselor. You can start with your school counselor if you feel comfortable. I have also seen in this forum people mention blahtherapy.com. I do not know anything about it. Maybe someone else reading this can comment.

About the girlfriend. I know this sounds like an old man that just does not understand kids today and you are different and your girlfriend is different and you are all really mature nowadays compared to the way us old guys were raised, but I pray you read this and what some others have already said. You are young. Your girlfriend is young. Trust me when I say she is in no position to be a support for you. She is not your sexual partner. Your right hand is your sexual partner. Work this out internally with yourself and the support you will receive here or elsewhere. Heal yourself before getting too attached to another human being.

I encourage you to continue your journal, writing about what you wrote about here, and all your other thoughts.

Reading your journal, I was very impressed and proud of your streak. Then the relapse and very short streaks not worth bragging about. Very typical, if you have followed many other threads. This is called binging and the Chaser effect. Are you familiar with ether of these?

I will follow your healing and continue to blog with you. btw, which country are you in, if it will not compromise your privacy, which is so very important in being open and honest in our blogs, which assists heavily in our healing and recovery. I am glad I ran into your thread. Stay strong.

 

Bro you you need to get rid of that 'traumatic' past experience. Why i think it's such traumatic because you feel ashamed and guilty about it. You need to accept your past, no denial. Then you go forward to the future and see the past as a stupidity and nothing to do with your own self toady because you are a new different person. About your girlfriend, you don't need to tell her about that for now (or maybe forever or maybe until you both become older).

 

Rob,

My "nude" sexual experience also goes back to when I and she were 6 years old. I didn't feel shame then, but the memory was often a trigger for me. As for your girlfriend.... It helps when you look deep inside yourself and ask "are my feelings selfish?" when thinking about your girlfriend try hard to be unselfish and just think of pleasing her and not yourself. It's called unselfish love.
I've realized lately that this problem is not a fight with oneself, but with allowing unseen evil spirits to enter inside you. You might notice that suddenly there is a moment when you are not really you, but someone else doing what you vowed you would not do again... It helps to know who you are fighting against.

 

Hello Rob,

it makes things easier if there is no religious influence. Much work is good to stop thinking about the past. Masturbation is an easy way to relieve of anger, stress, trouble, bad feelings- and that makes it dangerous. I know it from myself. In the end porn and masturbation were more important for me than sex with a real person. But at this moment I said STOP. Now I have been 32 days without masturbation and 27 days without watching porn- videos. But the brain is not free from porn. I can't stay away from my favorite porn-sites. I have no interest watching the clips- but I am still interested in what is new there. It is a strange kind of mind and I don't know how to stop it. There were some situations where I was close to fap- but until now my will has been strong enough to avoid this. But sometimes it is very hard to keep away the hands from the penis. Then I say to myself it is better to stay strong, it will help me anyway. That is my motivation to reach 90 days without masturbation.

Stay strong against the temptation to solve your problems by masturbation!

 

I agree, only now have I recently stopped, through will of future improvement over instant gratification. I almost relapsed, but I looked at what I was doing and thought NO, THIS IS WRONG, DISGUSTING. THE FUTURE IS MORE IMPORTANT. I WILL NOT ABANDON THE FUTURE.