4 years no PMO - Tips that helped me

Sometimes I still get triggered now and again, so in those moments I try to help others. Here are some steps that helped me.

1. Find a spiritual connection to something. This is not a religious post and you don't have to be religious to do this step. Just find a strong spiritual connection to something or spiritual life and this will help you tremendously.
2. Explore a 12 Step program. There are many programs that deal with sex related addictions. Find one that works for you.
3. Blockers. Although there are ways around them, blockers make it harder to access porn. So the more time and distance you can put in between you and the thing, the more time you have to question it. Find ways to make it less accessible if possible. On your phone and computer.
4. Hobbies. When I gave up p, many new hobbies came in that replaced the old bad habits.
5. Exercise or physical activities. Physical activities are great because they can replace that physical urge with something more productive.
6. Be in nature. Walks, hikes, beach, anything.
7. Do something to help another human. Being kind and or being of service to another person, can take you out of your "selfish" desires and into a more generous headspace.
8. Get out of the house. If you're really triggered, it's best to get out of the house or out of the place you will relapse etc. Go see a family member a friend, or even go do something along. Anything to get away from the thing.
9. Prayer and meditation
10. Get inspired by something. Find things to look forward to.
11. Therapy. Working with a therapist can help get to the root of what drives you to porn and dealing with those emotions is KEY to understanding your addiction. This awareness can help tremendously. Hypnotherapy is also great.
12. Find new ways to to think about porn. Many people think it is a form of pleasure, but this is a lie. In reality it's more like a source of pain and despair.
13. Get really honest about what your triggers are and what is happening in your life. Honesty is a great way to stay away from the "lies" of porn.
14. Write about your feelings in relation to all this. Write about how it feels emotionally to engage with porn. This piece of writing can often be very sobering and a great deterrent from acting out.
15. Books, literature, articles that have significant spiritual value.
16. Read about the harmful affects of porn
17. Think about where you want your life to be in the next coming years. Know that porn will sabotage your dreams and your plan.
18. Ask for help. No shame in asking for help. Find someone you can talk to about this. Perhaps someone who struggles with it so you can support each other.

Good luck!

 

Yes.

 

In response to your other post... I think the answer comes in being present with your partner and just being present in general. Being present gets you out of your head and out of the ideas and into the moment. It's also about connection. Sex should come as a result of your closeness, connection, and mutual care you have for one another. You can also have discussions with your partner about what you like, what feels good, what is safe, what are their needs etc. Sometimes this can be uncomfortable but the trick is just letting things unfold in an organic way. You have to respect their boundaries and also some compromises might also be necessary. I know that book you're talking about, I don't think I ever read it. I also think the more you are sober, the better everything gets. Being sober from porn helps give us the confidence and clarity to move forward into this world and move forward with intimate relationships that are appropriate. In my experience what makes relationships so challenging has nothing to do with sex. It's more what Eckhart Tolle calls the pain body. When people's inner conflicts/issues come to the surface and collide with our issues, that's when it gets challenging. That's where the tools to stay sober also come into play and can help tremendously.

 

4 years no PMO. I'm in a relationship so I have a sex life with my gf. During this entire time I've only m'd like 4 times w/out p.

 

If you're asking about books that would help with this journey and process, I would say anything by Pema Chodron and Eckhart Tolle. Pema Chodron is especially wonderful. There are also books written about sex addiction. Check out Patrick Carnes. I think those three are a great place to start.

 

Hardmode is only recommended for 90 days. I didn't relieve myself everyday. It was my understanding that PMO is everything combined together. If that's not the case, I made a mistake and it's just no PM for 4 years. I only did the M thing a few times in the entire 4 year period.

 

you're very welcome. happy to answer other questions anytime! Part of what helped me is getting support from others.

 

Also, to be honest, the whole point of doing all this is to stay away from porn or super toxic behaviors. So I'm not too concerned about things like hardmode or no orgrams or super strict things because as long as I'm not looking at p, my life is great. As a result, I don't m very much if hardly at all. That came as a result of being sober. It wasn't a hard and fast rule. It's nice to find what works for you individually and to make a choice not to do something rather than someone telling you these are the rules. It's the not looking at or using p that really is the game changer and why I embarked on this journey in the first place.

 

I think you've completely misunderstood the point of my post. You can have an O in your sleep which is completely out of our control, and celibacy was never a goal of mine, but if it is for you, great. I listed 18 tools to help people stay away from p, which has proven to severely damage lives. The reason I made this post is to give back to the community and share helpful ideas. You're choosing to focus on something else that is really superfluous in my opinion, but if you're striving for years of hardmode, go for it... That was never a goal of mine and I don't recommend it for anyone else. It takes 90 days to break an addiction, so 90 days of hardmode is all I would ever recommend. Another thing that comes with more sobriety is maturity and discernment...