Found an email in his junk folder

Because our entire marriage I get these when my husband goes to porn sites. When he finally got clean the complete y stopped . For over 6 months. Nothing, nada. Then he relapsed. Within 3 days they started again, so I asked my csat. Because you know, us wives give so much leeway and benefit of the doubt. She explained why you get them in great detail and that you won’t if you aren’t visiting questionable sites. I asked my mom if they get them. Nope. Never. Except one brief period when my nephew lived with them. He moves out, they stopped. That would be a weird coincidence, if you ask me. When my husband is clean, I don’t get them. But it does take a while for them to stop.

 

I wish to God we could figure out how my husbands phone number is associated with my email address . Because I really hate seeing that shi*. I already know when he slips I don’t need two months of reminders.

 

It's been 2 years since I looked at porn and probably 3-4 since I actually attached an email address to anything. I still get spam in my spam folder. I unsubscribed from everything a long long long time ago, and they stopped, but the spam merchants never do. I never gave out my phone number ever, but my wife and I still get spam porn texts once every 30-90 days. They just run through every possible number.

 

Yes, spam from adult websites may pop up here and there .. It may or may not be from a recent visit .. Trust your heart what you feel and believe ..

 

Life happens, I’m so sorry. At this point you know most of the truth! Thank him. I know that sounds ridiculous but he took a step towards recovery for once. He cared enough about you to finally come clean. Better than many men On here still lying to their wives while believing it isn’t harming her. Now you can move forwards. As painful as this is, the lies cause more damage. I’m so sorry, no one should ever have to make the choices he has forced upon you.

 

I don’t think the number is all that important. Most addicts cannot remember everything they’ve done. Even they are shocked when something in counseling or a group meeting triggers a memory. This is why a formally led disclosure is so important to both addict and partner. Followed by a polygraph. For many addicts, this is what it takes to finally face their addiction and actions. Finally being truthful is an important step in getting into recovery. You are strong. The strongest of partners refuses to accept lies and be gas lighted. You know to trust your gut. You can do this! You have a strength that will surprise you. He is sick. Nothing of what he has done has anything to do with you. He had this problem long before he met you. Do you have any support? A friend, family, counselor? Anyone you can go talk to irl? I don’t think you’re religious but I’ve been praying for you and your family. About all I can do. Please remember to take extra care of yourself, I know these last few months have been terribly hard on you.

 

OK, now that's funny (not funny), LOL! But you get the point.I'm soso sorry @LifeHappens.

 

I'm sorry that this happened to you and your family LifeHappens. That is quite the disclosure, it sounds like he came fully clean. I'm surprised about the blow jobs, I don't think most guys would do that, let alone admit it, but at least he is being honest now. How did you get him to admit everything?

Porn is such a terrible thing and young men are not even warned about it at all, when your husband was young he likely thought that it was harmless and had no idea that it could ruin his life or effect his family. But porn is really very much used to attack the family unit, and young men are particularly susceptible to it. When I was young I was warned to never do hard drugs because they were addictive and would ruin my life, I listened. Society gives no warnings about the additive nature of porn.

Now that he has come clean, if you are willing to give him another chance, I have one idea that might help both of you. Make him sign a contact (or at least agree) that you can give him a lie detector test at any time, but that you will only ask him questions regarding events from the date of the contract. I think he will agree to it since he currently has nothing to hide and he does honestly want to stay clean. Also, tell him that you will test him at least once a year even if you don't suspect anything. Knowing that he might face a lie detector test will help him to resist relapsing again in the future.

Lie detectors can be bought for about $140 here.

 

Well... I read your first message then I skipped to page three. Im in schock.
I'm trying to feel your pain in my heart and it does really hurt.
Then what I feel is nothing compared to what you feel.
Im so sorry for you and for what this man has done to you. It seem's like you've had a long time feeling suspicious...
I wish you the best and that your mental health stays/grows strong!