The Lord of the Rings Challenge

Checking in day 264.

 

Checking 56 days,

I had a wet dream this morning, so I was feeling a little bit tired, but I took a cold shower twice it helped a little,
also I've done a workout.

Also I'm feeling that I'm not that motivated as 56 days ago, but I'm feeling so much better, more calmer and I have more energy then before.

 

Check out day 3 almost zero urges during the day - strange but good!

 

Day 0

Went swimming again in the river today and saw a lot of scantily clad women. Put up a fight for a while but eventually gave in and started full on perving on them, looking at them like a piece of meat.

Went into the city later with a friend and there were many more scantily clad women all around the lake, and I gave in to the lust and let the sin take me over.
This quote came to mind: “Lord make me chaste, but not yet.” St Augustine of Hippo.
I can’t look at a women other than sexually and lustfully right now. It’s distorted me quite a bit. It’s not real love.
Strong urges to finish the job and MO. But that would be really crossing a line that I can never return from, as if I can masturbate to these women that I’ve seen in the street, then what’s stopping me from masturbating in the middle of the street the next time I see an attractive lady? Or MOing in my school when I’m a teacher? There are some lines you must not cross, and this is one of them. I feel sick and regretful about my lustful behaviour, treating women as pieces of meat. How degrading.
One cute girl in a bikini smiled at me while I was with my friend and it made me feel good. But is that what I really want in life? I think I’m striving for something higher, a love that is difficult but real - lovers and friends through thick and thin. I don’t want to settle for anything less.

 

day 6

Uneventful day today

 

Day 99 - only 1 day left for 100 day

There is a heart touching quote which i get from Peaky Blinders Tv series. Tommy shelby said" My grand mother lived in tent , my mother lived in boat. And now a tent, a boat , a house , a mansion....I am the extreme example for a working man can achieve"
Good luck!

 

28 days

 

Day 0.

Didn't look at porn. Didn't search for any triggering material. Gave in to the demands of my own body for MO, nothing more. Broken but not defeated.

St. Augustine of Hippo, pray for us!

 

Day 364.

One year ago, was the last time...
I'm really happy for this gift from God... Love Is my goal, Sanctity. I want God to be my all, the only one who I belong to, the one I love over all things.

 

Day 4

Since I started this journey, I feel like a Galadhrim warrior. I wish there was a rank over here oh well.

Ready to leave Middle Earth. Time of the elves is over. Their power are fading but all they can do is sacrifice their last energy. Travel to Helms Deep and aid Men. Fight to the death. Still retaining and fighting the PMO forces.

 

57 (25 hard mode) days complete

As my relationship with my wife is starting to get rejuvenated the pressure in the lower gut and balls increases and the frequency of wet dreams. I just had one this morning, then I almost had another one, but I was not that deep asleep so I was able to stop the ejaculation. After all I feel more rested that yesterday and I think I will be safe and not look for any women images on social media. What also helps is having a great mood, I did good at work and spent some nice time with my wife.

 

Day 5
I had kind of a easy ride so far, but I feel it getting harder now. Waking up tired and spending 20 minutes on my phone right out of bad is a really bad sign for me.
So now my goal is to keep writing to myself how I feel and what I'm going through. And even more importantly, to think about possible break points and make planes to find a batter way to handle life than escaping to porn.

 

Checking in - Day 100.
100 days – You enter the region of Ithilien. "A fair country of climbing woods and swift-falling streams.
The country is indeed magical. I see hope, hope everyone of us is gonna make it.

 

Day 19 no PMO. I’ve been listening to “The Power of Positive Thinking” the last few days and I feel the insights are helping a bit with my attitude.

 

Day 10 - Hobbit

 

Checking in Fellowship Friends!

24 Days Free of PMO.

I had a good nights rest yesterday, felt a bit of an urge this morning through a flashback but I did not give into it. I mentioned this in the past, we have no control (half lie) over what pops into our head but we do have control over what we do when it presents itself. Let it pass like a cloud or engage with it.

The half lie is, what you consume will present itself more often into your mind. I.e the more porn you consume, the more you fantasize, the more reoccurring those flashbacks will be.


Rest day today, meditation, exposure, reading and work.

Some notes from my readings of Marcus Aurelius Meditations:

"Attend to the matter which is before thee, whether it is an opinion or an act or a word. Thou sufferest this justly: for though chooses rather to become good tomorrow than to be good today."

To which I take, come face to face with what comes your way today and attend to the matter.

Stoicism really is such a fascinating subject, a wealth of wisdom to learn from.

Stay Strong!

 

22 days. I mentioned yesterday I was feeling a little down and felt like I lost my benefits. They came back. The flew me up to work yesterday. New job. Being above the clouds was a hugely magical experience. It looked so cool. I had an interesting moment. I looked over at the stewardess. Did not stare. I was overwhelmed by her beauty. I did not feel lust. I did not look at her as an object. I was just blown away and in awe by the beauty and wonder of her.

I think I just need to get out and about. I felt much better being around people. Which is odd. I felt natural hanging around with my friend who I had worked with before. I usually felt uncomfortable around people. Social anxiety seams to be gone.

 

Check in day 7

 

Second Check in for the day.

Still clean, but I feel dirty.
I'm doing real life fishing... I just feel extra aware to women around me in the street. I try not to stare but they are everywhere and shit, I'm just trying to look down and somehow I feel like a creep even by doing this