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Rebooting For Good from Caundalism

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Spin The Black Circle, Aug 10, 2022.

  1. Spin The Black Circle

    Spin The Black Circle Fapstronaut

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    Hey all.
    I wanted to share this quick story.
    I’ve had a PMO addiction for probably 6 years. Like 3 times a day sometimes - or more - but at least 2 times a day.
    My addiction was bizarre. I will explain “was” in a minutes.
    But basically I found myself only getting off to men getting off on my wife’s nudes. I was exposing her daily for almost 2 years.
    Obviously this was an escalated process that lasted 6 with no face and things like that but the thrill is what got me off.
    Before you all rip into me. She knows. I’ve confessed this to her. She’s totally aware. But she’s also basically said this reboot is me on my own. And I’ve accepted this sort of neglect as punishment for making her feel inadequate for half a decade.
    What has finally spurred the reboot is that I became desperate to end this madness. This sick addiction and I figured out the psychology of these porn addicts who viewed these types of photos. I pushed hard every day like 5 times a day until they banned me. Not just that, but permanent photos for the most part were taken down - not by my asking. Lol. So the plan worked. Now that I can’t post the photos, my wife knows, here I am working on a reboot that I think will be 100% successful with no relapses. PMO addiction isn’t my first rodeo - so I think this time I’m done. My body telling me it’s through. Fate telling me it’s over. My wife telling me, it’s done and to enjoy our lives together.
    Here’s the question I have:
    Because my addiction was to seeing my wife on pornographic sites, how do I truly overcome this?
    Has anyone gone through a similar situation as me? How did you get through the “no orgasm” part when your wife wants to get it on?
    I really need help with this. Any advice will help. I’m open.
     
  2. I think you should consider yourself fortunate that despite the reality of your situation, she's staying with you. Nobody is perfect but I personally would and could never do what you did to a woman I loved. If you truly want to turn the page, I think a digital detox would be a good place to start. You not only need to deprive yourself of degenerate shit, you probably also need a clean break from all your devices. Good luck to you.
     
    Spin The Black Circle likes this.
  3. Spin The Black Circle

    Spin The Black Circle Fapstronaut

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    Which is why I put the “before you all rip into me” clause.
    I think it’s not that I don’t love her. I began to fetishize her. Created a different version of her. One she obviously is not. Not for other men anyway. For me, yes.
    But I also think that there was/is some psychological stuff involved too. This didn’t began until we had a dry spell following the birth of one of our children. And I began to resent her in some underlying form. So the result was almost like punishing her. And she also suggested this as well. She and I have an amazing bond and I think my recovery will be quick.
    But there’s also a fear of the unknown by conditioning my brain through PMO of her. Not of other women. That’s where the confusion lies.
    In terms of devices, I’m pretty sure THEY aren’t the problem. The problem for me was also resorting to this behavior to help relieve daily stress and also the fear of her photos being spread across the net.
    I would search every day. Spending hours going through photos - without becoming aroused. I’m impervious to pornography. But not her in a pornographic form.
    That’s the real problem. That is why I’m posting this because I really need some kind of constructive advice from someone who has been through this. I know I can’t be the only person - since there are websites that cater to this behavior. As Niche as it is.
     
  4. I read the clause and still felt the need to write what I did. It seems you want to change, get over this and move on with your life. That's commendable. I personally am not familiar with this kind of fetish or behavior so unfortunately I can't offer you any help besides what I've already suggested. A digital detox may help in the sense that it would essentially remove a likely behavioral trigger. If you disagree, that's fine. But if you have an established routine – something like getting into this shit a couple hours after work each day – it will be easy to find a way back into it unless part of your day to day changes drastically.

    By the way, you may also want to post this in Problematic Sexual Behavior.
     
    Spin The Black Circle likes this.
  5. Spin The Black Circle

    Spin The Black Circle Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the advice. I’ll post something related in there too or browse to see if something is already created. I really appreciate your opinions. Thank you.
     
    kopykat likes this.

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