26 days, longest streak in over a decade!

Hello everyone.

I've been seeing a therapist for almost a year now. I just switched to a male therapist cause it was time to talk about the big P and the big M.

His advice was simple. Stop the behavior longer to figure out why you do it.
I thought it was BS, cause I've been trying to stop for probably 15 years. "Yeah right, how will that ever work?"

Well, tbh, idk how but so far we are doing it. Wednesday will be four weeks free. My longest streak free was maybe three weeks in 2010, if that gives you any idea what a big deal this is. Idk what's different but I'm REALLY trying to not over think it. In the past, I get ahead of myself and start thinking to far into the future.
I'm literally doing it one-day-at-time, AA style, but didn't really mean to, just kinda fell into that.

Anyway, I'm doing the thing, staying clean, and it kinda rocks, but also kinda sucks XD
Four weeks is a month, is that's a big deal! I hope to report back in Wednesday to make it official. Cross your fingers until then. Woot!

 

Hi yall. Sorry I'm late! It's been a whole nother week just about.
It's now 33 days clean! Woot!

Good gosh though it got hard in the middle of that.
I wanted to look at p SOOOOOOOOOOOO bad XD

Still here. Still today.

I know this is not the end and I've got a long way to go, but for now, the only goal is making it to day 34. One day at a time.

I want to make an effort to check back in here when it gets roooough again, not just after a victory.

 

Well, one thing was trying to utilize my procrastination to its advantage.
A lot of times, when I wanna relapse, I tell myself "not today. we'll do that tomorrow. put if off. just make it through today."
So...
Don't masturbate, just procrastinate!

I find that I wanna relapse when I'm stressed cause pmo is often a stress coping thing.
I am keeping a list of things I can do instead when tempted.
Playing drums: good when I have pent up energy. Instead of whacking my stick, I whack things with sticks.
Deep breathing: good when stressed. its impossible to be on high-stress when you force your body to chill out.
ASMR: also good when stressed and needing of personal attention. A lot of ASMR videos are about personal attention. (word of warning, you gotta be careful with ASMR videos cause a some ASMRtists use it as a front door to their onlyfans or some crap. So make sure you scan ahead of time, find particular artists that are wholesome/clean and just stick to those.)

I do 15 mins of meditation a day during work.

But anyway, today is one of those hard days. So I came here again.
Writing about what has worked for far just now is helpful in reminding me and my dumb lizard brain what I can do to stay clean.
We at 46 days right now. I can't believe it.

 

50 DAYS!!!!!

 

Alright guys. First relapse of this new journey.
Tbh, I don't even feel that bad. There's some initial shame yeah, but the way I'm looking at it: I just did 59 days without PMO! My longest streak in history! And it did not turn into a binge. I knew I was probably gonna relapse at some point but part of me wanted that miracle cold-turkey XD
Oh well, the way I see it, it's a bit of a relief because that pressure to do a perfect streak gave me a lot of pressure.
But that's over so I can stop worrying about perfection xD
My perspective right now: I am reducing my MTBF time, (mean-time between faps). That is the goal!

 

Oh I am most certainly not in the clear.
Idk if I'll ever truly be "in the clear"
And that's okay