[90-CHALLENGE] THE NINETY DAYS CHALLENGE !

Day 4

 

56/90 Had a good and productive day. Have something big to look foreard to.

 

Videos deleted as mentioned before.
Dispite having relapses afterwards I still haven't watched anything except for a few nude images but wasn't interested. Pornography is not your real YOU. And I can feel that especially after months without those extremely long sessions that I have returned to more of my authentic self.

Porn is truly the work of the devil. Whether you take that literally or not, both are true in my opinion.

A few steps at the time.
May there be Peace and love in everyones hearts!

Day 9.

 

Day 24

 

Day-50 Finally reached 50 days, feeling more motivated now. getting closer to complete the challenge but completing the challenge alone wont make me feel good. I want to change myself not just physically but also mentally coz there is a lot happening in my life right now even though i made it to fifty my life hasn't changed and i've been facing more and more problems that make me feel low so kindly support me in any way possible brahs. Whoever took time to read my post, keep going brah, we can do this, Spread love <3.

 

Day 35!

 

I’m on day 45—still a long way to go.

Overall, everything is going well. I have been very intimate with my wife, probably a little too much. I think crossing the line a little, I don’t know, but I take her to Orgasm. I don’t know what it is, but we get holding each other and touching, and I can’t help to bring her there. I go without Ejaculation, and she doesn’t touch me there. But I do have a couple of dribbles. I need to cut back on intimacy; I’m not sure if it is helping cause I end up going too far.

 

Day 9

 

24/90- I am much more calm today. I decided to take control of my thoughts and used affirmations. Feeling really good about myself

September Challenge (Sept 9th)
Complete Recovery Nation workshop: Lesson 60 of 73
Read and research on toxic shame: 2/30
Read and rehearse (role play) my relapse prevention plan daily: 2/30
No YouTube: 1/30
No Social Media (Instagram, Facebook, Reddit e.t.c): 8/30
Read and Practice Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) techniques: 0/30
Read at least 2 books: Book 1 [Do the Impossible]
Love thyself affirmations: 3/30
Daily Gratitude: 3/30
Daily meditation:2/30
Read and cultivate my values daily: 3/30
Schedule joy hour everyday: 2/30

 

57/90 Was a good day and expecting big news any day now.

 

12 days done now. I've had a bit of urges today, but not for porn but to visit an escort. Fridays are always the hardest for my escort cravings as its the weekend and i used to treat myself before. Since I have porn blockers i cant access those kind of sites.

 

Didnt post last week
Currently in Day 9

 

Day 5.

 

I feel you. It is quite normal to develop an anxiety over loosing a streak or simply getting some anxiety as a result from the abstinence. It's important to remember that it is temporary and that we can always do something to get ourselves through that anxious phase. With time we feel more confident in what we believe in and what we do and the anxiety settles.
Walking is a good remedy , and self-talk as well. Always remember why you have anxiety or feel a certain way. And then address it with understanding.
And get back on track with your coping and make sure to occupy yourself wisely. Get your mind hooked on something more healthy.
Hope it helps
Keep posting

 

Day 1

I have been in a relapsing rut lately. I can't seem to get myself back on track.
So I decided to write an entry here, to create some momentum.

I believe it is because I simply don't feel compelled enough anymore to quit. There is no more motivation/reason for me to quit, which makes me feel excited for the results. It seems that I don't give a f about the results from abstinence anymore.

Even though, theoretically I absolutely do.

So I have been taking walks, doing self talk, writing entries. Keeping it simple.
Going to the gym regularly.
Working on my social skills. Continuing with my Piano and music studies.
Eating well.

Attempting to stabilize/improve my life.

But there is always that critical moment, where I'm like "Ok in the end, it seems like we are not prepared enough and we need to re-strategize how to approach this. So I might as well just relapse because I have no viable solution now "

My answer: we have everything we need to handle this craving at this moment. Inconvenient moments with strong cravings are inevitable. They will happen with strategy or no strategy. I am willing to put in the work right now. From one day to the other, I will get through this.
This pain is my confirmation that I am making huge progress.


The critical moments, usually happen due to triggers.

-Yesterday i got triggered , because I was playing video games for too long. I got into zombie mode.
-Other day it was because I wasn't able to relax myself from work-stress.
-Other day it was because I trained legs at the gym far too late and then I couldn't sleep at night.
-Other day it was because I got triggered outside by something, was able to deal with the thoughts, however didn't feel like doing anything.
So I was bored and slightly pissed.
-Other day it was because I got frustrated from social interaction at work and I got so depressed that literally just the depressed pain itself drove me to just relapse, because I didn't see the point of doing anything else.

This is probably another rationalizations and thought I have:
"My life is absolute crap despite all the work I put in. The best thing I get is delusions and pep-talk from motivational people and myself, making me think that I am making huge progress, when in reality I am so far back, that I might actually not survive in the society a few years from now."

My answer: Looking at things objectively, your life is totally fine 7/10. Only downside is that you live with your mother, but it is not for the same reason as most people. You are working a good job and actually helping her a little bit financially, instead of the other way around. Living by yourself in Portugal requires you to drop a lot of things that require financial sustenance. Like classes and therapy. If you even rent an apartment that is possible to finance at all.
You can always live with other people, but, one way or the other, it will require you to drop the classes and the very things that are constructing a better career future for you.

So socially, your life might be shit, because you have trouble feeling empathy towards other people and your desensitized to normal every day social stuff. So you end up bored and agitated all the time. + You also come off as a negligible person if you don't pay attention.
However, you have awareness over a lot of things that other people are aware over you by now, and so it is easier for you to keep certain things in check and put your behavior in context to social norms. Providing you with a possibility to integrate you into society or a friend group with that personality.
And until now it is working well. You're acting as this sassy humorous low energy person who has a bright smile. So that fits in very well.
Keep it up

So in other words. You think that your life is crap because you are desensitized to it and prefer PMO over it as it gives you a stimulatory high.
So there is a big gap in the reasoning here.
The advise from motivational people saying that you make huge progress, are not delusions per say, because you are undoubtedly making progress.
Taking it with a grain of salt sometimes also doesn't make a huge difference, because it is a matter of perspective anyways. Point is that you are 100% making progress.
The reason you complain is simply because the pain of the now hurts and you are sick of expecting instant results and not getting them.

Rather expect small results, cherish them and enjoy the grind.


--- THis whole text is for myself mostly, but feel free to comment.
I'll try to make some more simpler entries.

Have a great day everyone

 

day 25

 

Day 26&27&28 I had relappsed twice. Not today.

 

Day 10

 

88

 

58/90 Didn’t have a lot of energy. Was a tough day, but I held on.