The Lord of the Rings Challenge

9/9/2022, completed

day 11 - No P / M / O
day 11 - No Psub / addiction-induced arousal

 

Day 0 check in. Days PMO-free in 2022: 238 out of 253.

Life is a lot overwhelming right now.

 

Yeah brother,I am quite alright and somehow things moved in my life a bit, done little spring cleaning and made few donations. I don't feel too much different than usual but for the itchiness in certain place.I accept my responsibility for it and live with the consequences, although not really quite conscious about why I did it.Maybe because I became quite rude and cheeky in my workplace and had a hard time accepting someone slow or dumb without telling it to their face and so I chased few folks away...stress at work plus endless morning woods which I started to ignore and maybe even enjoy a bit and plus stagnation in life(or very slow development) somehow contributed to fall. Whatever happened had to happen because of the way I am and it's good to analyze it to break some patterns Well I am up and riding my 'bicycle' again.
I don't know if it is good or bad but I don't feel any regrets now...maybe its good, for regrets call for the company of other regretsand maybe I just feel good now and regrets are for latter.
Anyway 301 days without pmo and sex was a good run.

 

Day 401

Day 5 no sugar, IF.

Sorry to read this brother... Gonna be hard for a while but you will get back up.

 

Day 1

Seems like we’re all under some kind of attack, I’m ashamed to say I spent yesterday binging (without P); I suppose this was a build up from the past 9 months.

Nevertheless, yesterday brought me nothing and left me feeling empty; MO takes away from my life and never adds to to, so back to the journey!

 

In Grace of God, being coherent (or at least much more) with my way of thinking...

You know not feeling the guilt, the emptiness and all the negative emotions and consequences of PMO It's more than enough reason by itself to never do it again, but...

The changes I can notice is being mentally and spiruatly stronger, and more independent of people and things, I also love myself and others more, and I know myself better, and most of the time (I hope more in the future) I'll fight, not flight. I notice when I'm getting addicted to something, (in example sugar or Facebook) and I know for a fact I can change and let it go.

I know I'm freakin' fragile, I would fall in this sin and many others if God wouldn't be giving me his Grace. Other than my existence, I owe Him my progress in this path.

 

At Buckland, Bilbo gives you Sting - an Elven short-sword made in Gondolin. It will turn blue when porn forces are around.
Quest Item - Sting

 

Day 1 complete.

Yeah, I fell yesterday too. But it was a good wake-up call. My streak up to that point had been really dirty anyway, and I'm resolved not to let it be that way again. If you give PMO an inch, it will take a mile. My AP had some stern words for me as well, but I appreciate him for it. He told me what I needed to hear.

I grayscaled my phone today and changed the wallpaper to an image of St. Joseph stabbing the devil with a lily. It's pretty epic. Seeing that every time I open my phone will help.

St. Joseph, pray for us!

 

Brethren, lend me your strength! Day 9 complete and Day 10 incoming. My favorite pornstar popped into my head and I was tempted to turn on one of her videos but I came here instead. I’ve been so horny, and my wife fell asleep while we were watching college football. I don’t like to sleep without finishing the game, but I may have to in order to save my streak!

 

Day 48
I think I'm flatlining. Finding hard to comprehend study materials.

 

Day 6

Something is keeping me angry earlier. It will subside. I forgot what else to say. Well only one thing important regarding this goal SR/NoFap/no PMO. Once I hit my main goal, I believe I will never go back to what I once was. Just a feeling and I already did my part on others things earlier on my previous days. (I.g. removal of all my porn items.) Too early to say but I am confident now I will finally succeed this time. I know some people in here who first started never returned after their long enough streak. 30+ days streak will most definitely help me once I get back to it. Never know but 90 days is what all it takes.

Ah I was thinking maybe I should take my diet/fitness a little more seriously now as I am following my SR/no PMO goals. I am trying to go up to 90 days on my SR/No PMO goal. It's like getting ready for competition or photoshoot ready type of deal. Summer/Spring/Winter doesn't matter to me. I will get ready whenever I am ready. I guess I will start trying to lean down more seriously now because of this you know what situation (C virus). Having five gym membership because of this situation.

Life is not fair (which I always say to myself) and so that is why I always go "Super Saiyan" time at the gym. For regarding people & female attraction, I keep saying it doesn't make much of a difference on my SR/NoFap journey in the gym because I always get looks/stares from other people at the gym. I am different from other people once I step in the gym. Imagine if I am already in the longer streak. I am not stopping anymore on my SR/no PMO journey. Onward on my milestones then on my main goal here. And onward on my fitness journey following along with my SR/NoFap/No PMO journey.

Hmm I will go off of one of my supplements after here today (Sunday) and I can go start fasting now. Not exactly IF but actually fasting how I used to do it before. Since I don't want to get too small and lose size (muscle), I might work up to 72 hours a week. Stop fasting a while ago because I was always getting horny during my fast. It was harder to keep my fast because I ended up doing PMO. When I first started, I was actually very serious with fasting. Then got lazy then stopped eventually because I always kept PMOing and break my fast because of eating after PMO. Shame, but I have a better opportunity now. I have this option starting Monday 9/12/22. Excited to get back to fasting!

One last tip, I heard from someone who used to go the gym and said bodybuilding competitor would go "hard mode" or commit at least to no sex. Probably not even MO at all. Basically, Semen retention. Not doing those any sexual activity for getting ready for a show. Hmm why is that? You know it will benefit them if they practice disciple through the days leading up to the competition day. Well that is my take because my routine is for physique goals for diet/fitness so just my input.

Almost at my milestone. Day by day getting better. Possibly I might watch the episode 3 of The Rings of Power or do something else then go watch afterwards.

Whenever I tell you guys my tips, I am only trying to help. Keep going fellowship!

 

First day without the wife (while she is on vacation), I knew it would be super hard to be home alone so I decided to go on a tiny vacation myself and I went alone for the weekend to see a stand up show of Dave chappelle and Chris rock. Holy shit it was good.
I knew it was extra risky so I found a hotel with bank beds and I hade 3 more people in my room so I won't have an easy access to be tempted.

I am really not perfect, but I feel much better than I felt in years, and I really believe that I'll achieve my goals. Getting a full month clean in 2022 and 3 months in 2023.
I know that I haven't had a chance to be around this form, but I still think that this place is one of the best things that happened to me. If anybody is feeling stressed or alone, just send me a message. Let's do this together

 

@icebreaker p There he is.

Any way, use the tiny vacation as best you can. I agree, if your sharing a room with someone then no more opportunity to PMO. Use them wisely.
But eventually, you will have to be home alone. That is where you must practice disciple friend. Keep going & you can succeed!

 

25 days – You try to pass through Caradhras but the PMO forces were strong there. You make a detour to the Dwarven Realm of Moria.

Coming back once more to get some things out and prepare for the next week.

30 days is in reach and I think it‘s time for prepare for „my thirtees“. The big question is: will I survive with fast internet at home?
My current streak is already so long … it seems so easy but in fact it is quite a miracle. I think GNADE is the right word. Because I really don‘t know what I‘m doing differently this time. Deinstalling my wlan hasn‘t helped in the past because at some point I either found a way to circumvent the barriers or I simply tore them down by force.

Honestly, I really don‘t know how to stay P-free and how to prevent that I find myself edging to Psubs, as soon as I renew my mobile data. (Let alone having unlimited internet from wlan at home again, but that‘s talk of the future). It seems my routines and habits at home are still too „messy“ and my occasional cravings too strong to trust me in this.

I have some days left to prepare. I know I can approach the problem from different angles, but also I‘m naively confident like always, my intelligent tells me though, that I‘m not well prepared and far from safe.

Let‘s keep in mind: I‘ve done great; this is already a big achievement!
But I need to do more, I need to stick to the progress, I need to stay clean for more days and begin to build up my new life WHILE I‘M P-FREE. I have lost too many years to let me fall into the abyss again, only because I have made it one month without using.
It means I can‘t give pmo a chance. There need to be safety belts! Even if they will be much thinner and require more self-control and determination.

One thing is clear though. Next Friday I mustn‘t rush anything. I need to carefully look at the past week and at my current state and mind (and the surrounding / triggers) and ask the question: is it possible, can I already change the recovery mode? Am I ready or am I just eager to start loosing myself in the interwebz to finally doing the deed again?

Furthermore I have to see my home as a training field. The basic rules are quite obvious: the kitchen and the living room MUST be the only places where I go online (fyi: that is stricter than actual. Right now I check my messages everywhere, but my internet is too slow for porn).
I don‘t know this is just not enough.

But I try to be positive. I will hold the Journey high – the ring must be destroyed. I will believe in myself and remember my reasons often.
My next quest item the heart represents my struggle and what is needed in a way.
And of course it is a real challenge, I mean a real true life challenge and I should treat it as such and be brave and determined.

And what is clear, as much as reflection is required, in the next days I need to focus my attention to only the few things that are important (for once!). What needs to be done shall be done. If I can act that way for 5 days and proof myself in Carradhras much will be won and I shall see on Friday what I can do or not do.

REUIREMENTS for changing my mode on Friday:

• having my flat cleaned and things ordered
• 5 days without alcohol, sugar, coffee
• focus only on the important, meaningful tasks and habits, no distractions
• a lot of exercise

 

Try to record your study materials to sound recorder(or app from the store) and listen to them whilst walking.

 

We need to become sense8 cluster in order to do that.

 

There is no attack of any kind just stop laying responsibility for whats happening in life on something outside of you. Accept total personal responsibility and that there is no one to blame be it person or circumstances.The worst thing about binging is that we waste our time and our health which we can use for something beneficial and valuable to our life. Don't go back to riding your old bicycle when you already learned how to ride backwards one.

 

Aiming towards finishing the 1st day.

My reasons for PMO are driven by emotion. Mainly the feeling of not having a partner to share my life with and overcoming whatever life throws at you together.

Sometimes, for some reason, this feeling hits seemingly out of nowhere. I've learned / am still learning to detach from and observe certain thoughts in order to reduce their impact on my wellbeing.

On another note, I've noticed that my behavioural patterns in terms of relationships points towards me having an avoidant-attachment style. I suppose, there might be a connection between me being avoidant and having that earlier mentioned feeling.

I'm wondering, if any of you are or have been in similar positions. How do / did you manage your situation? How can I become more secure and open up emotionally towards others in terms of relationships?

Right now I'm on high castle walls, not really letting anyone in, even though I'm very social and outgoing...just not in terms of feelings, yet.

Basically this:

 

Day 5 - I wont give up this time!