Rape Dream (with 253 days in and emotions running wild)

Hey guys,

I am 253 days in, which sounds good, but have to tell someone this latest craziness... and I don't really believe in therapists anymore / don't want to tell anyone in my social circle for fear of what it would do to my reputation.

I have this platonic female friend, yes truly platonic, as she has been married since years before I knew her... and lately she has a hairstyle I find unattractive, though she does have a good body. While I have been on a bit of a spiritual quest and sorting through trauma, she has been a major emotional supporter to the point of reaching her limit a few times and politely letting me know, or other times not so politely, sort of exasperated. I sometimes have trouble respecting her limits.

Anyway, last night I dreamed that I raped her. Was very forceful at first and for a long time, but then she just gave in physically, and said, "okay, okay," and started to have sex with me willing. It really freaks me out, and when I woke up I was a bit mentally disturbed by it, but at the same time I felt this intense sense of physical release, and yes, I did have a nocturnal emission. I felt so relaxed and relieved, yet of course knew I should be disturbed by it.

Wtf? I just needed to tell someone / maybe hear a response.

 

[QUOTE="randomname3, post: 3416782, member: 327362"
Take the dream as a lesson, and seriously consider your actions towards or feelings towards this woman, correcting as (and if) appropriate.

Once you've done that, remember not to blame yourself at all for all the horrible things you do in dreams.[/QUOTE]

Should I tell her?

 

Yeah that's kind of how I'm looking at it. I don't literally want to rape her, but I have been pushing her limits in other ways hoping they aren't actually there or that she gives in. She also sort of has given in lately in a lot of ways, which is probably why when I woke up from the dream, though I was mentally horrified, I felt a physical sense of relief.

Nonetheless, I just want to be a decent guy who can have a girlfriend to turn into a wife and a family. None of this creepy shit / dysfunction.

 

Yeah, agreed. I struggle with boundaries due to some childhood trauma… but that’s to be gotten over, not identified with.

 

Seems most everyone agrees with the symbolism. I’m not a rape fantasizer. This was more about wanting this chick to accept more of me, which she did, both in the dream and the real life analogue. Nonetheless I will be watching myself and continuing to improve the way I interact with women.