I feel suicidal. Please read and help :(

You have zero evidence that you have PIED. You're making an assumption and panicking. Most people (myself included) physically react completely differently to real-life sex than p*rn. You're only 20; it's perfectly normal to have not been intimate with another person at that age. I was around that age before my first real experience and I'm glad I didn't have it any earlier.

I recently went 72 days without PMO before briefly relapsing, but I didn't punish myself because that's still progress. Do not compare yourself to other people on here who may have had longer streaks; most of us have been working on improving ourselves for years and we all have very different challenges in our lives. We all go through many, many relapses, so that's nothing to be ashamed of. Every single day and every single small goal is a victory. You can and will beat this addiction but you have to give yourself a break!

I strongly suggest starting a journal on this forum. It's a huge help for many people on here. Please know that you're not on your own!

 

I can absolutely relate to what you are saying. I'm 25 and am in basically the same situation as you. The only time I was ever kissed was when I was held down and kissed against my will by girls on the playground at school. I'm often an anxious mess and am deathly afraid of intimacy.

What you need to do is things that break you out of this mindset. Beyond just doing NoFap, you need to be exercising, maintaining a healthy diet, spending time with friends, making them if you don't have them, doing hobbies (productive hobbies, not endlessly playing videogames or browsing YouTube) and focusing on your career. The more you do these things, the easier it will be to abstain. It's still gonna be hard but you won't feel as depressed even if you do mess up. Confidence cannot be summoned from thin air, it must be created. You need to do things to create it. You're not alone.

 

Young exposure, PIED, anxiety, brain fog. What you are describing is textbook porn addiction and almost everyone on this forum shares every element of this story.

The thing that you have which most of us don't is your youth. You're only 20. There are people on here who have lost their spouses, jobs, children custody, etc. to porn addiction. You haven't lost anything to this addiction because your whole life is ahead of you. PIED goes away when you stop viewing.

I'm 36 and I was addict for about 13 years. And I knew I was addicted for at least 12 of those but still didn't get help. Now I'm here, I'm recovering, and already seeing the benefits. Just two months ago I was completely limp with my wife. Like, wet noodle limp. Now I can perform at a moment's notice, with no issue.

Do some introspection. Find out what the specific triggers are for you and learn how to avoid or deal with them. Find some calming activities that bring you joy. Read everything you can about PMO addiction and how to beat it. And don't lose focus, because when you lose focus, you are vulnerable. You can beat this!

 

Don't compare yourself to others. You are only 20 years old. And young men are forgotten, shamed, ridiculed and seen as loosers today. We are in the same boat buddy. Don't be to hard on yourself. Maybe this is rooted into something deeper. Like abandonment issues. Try to start lifting weights, go outdoor, eat heatlhy, and try to get a job. To get a decent living might be the number one issue here. I know it is hard, but a bad job is at least a start.

 

It seems to me like you put a lot of importance on the streak and your self confidence collapses the moment you relapse. Whilst streaks are great for confidence they can also completely drain your self esteem.

Take things one day at a time.

I was barely going 3 days until I made changes to my life (excercise, new hobbies, building up from a broken and pathetic social life) and now I must be around the 3 week mark. I’m still determined rn stay away from PMO but it’s been a lot easier now that I’m seeing it as a lifestyle change instead of a streak.

 

bro im 32 been through more shit than you can even imagine . just stop porn now . get a gf and don't let your life go to waste .

life is far more complex than you could imagine at the age of 20.

porn is very difficult to stop but it is achievable how do you think our fathers and our fathers fathers did it. by finding a gf a wife a job and a family getting a motorbike . hunting all this sort if stuff by focusing pur minds into.greater tasks the long game has been completely hyjacked
porn and the internet has completely fucked our reward system for instant gratification.

to quit porn you need to look at reducing time online and instant gratification . hobbies join a team do something that will keep you active.

our ancestors never had time for any of this they did not live in an online world they lived every moment in reality find a way to force yourself to live constantly in the moment . go to bed with zero energy and you will forget about porn

 

They say relapse is part of recovery. The fact that you're calling them relapses means that you accept that you are an addict, and that you want to be one anyone. That's an effing miracle, although it probably doesn't feel that way righ now. Keep reading, keep sharing, stay connected to others who want to the same thing as you do, and don't beat yourself up like this. I wish I was as brave as you when I was 20, as self-aware as you are. You're a warrior.

 

I didnt watch porn for almost three years . It will be hard at first but later it will get easier . U remember u dont need porn in life

 

I thinkmyou got more free time, check ur life , it might be moving aimlessly. Keep high aims , and dont act childish by seeking empathies of people, as it wont help.

 

You're only 20 yo - there's plenty of time for many doors to open up for you in many areas of life, including a relationship. Use today to your advantage in preparation of that future day. Fortunately, you have your single life now to work on your recovery from addictions but also improving and being a better person overall in every area. Relationships aren't always so hunky dory, either. Many men here are in hellish relationships because of addicton, too. Enjoy and make use of your single time now for self-betterment. Set some goals. Then, one step at a time. Do something today, a small step, to work toward those directions. Then, tomorrow, the same. It all adds up. In the meantime, you are not really without a life even in the present - yes, you have addiction and perhaps other problems. Everybody has something difficult in life. Live today, too, even despite the shortfalls. Not settling for the addiction is what counts, even if you lapse. Your resolve is to simply pick up and go again. That is heroism. Best wishes!

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Keep fighting mate, do not surrender or lose hope. I am struggling with porn since I was around 12/13 years old. I am 23 now and still trying to whipe it out completly. Dont panic mate, its good that you reaching for help. This addiction is bloody tough to beat becouse our whole culture is over-sexualised, watching porn and wanking is said to be completly "normal", but deep down it is killing our manhood...
I wish you best in your struggle and keep fingers crossed

 

Maybe try working out (in the gym, home, free air etc, this works very well for me). Make a lot of contact with nature, it will ease your mind and soul, parks my best pick for this

 

There’s a thread on it here you might like: https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?posts/3403966/

It depends on you really. For me I find browsing libraries very calming. I also like to jog outside or listen to funny podcasts. Some people find great joy in meditation. Think about something that just brings you joy.

 

I have managed to be clean for 90 and even 180 days.

However I started PMO from age 18 , not 12. You are indeed fucked my friend.

I can give you this advice: there are forces in this world that are stronger than porn.
You don't believe me ? try to watch porn in the street. you will never dare. because the fear of being mocked is stronger than the desire to watch porn.

be smart and use that into your advantage. you know better than anyone how to use that for your benefit.