Around day 30

Hey, as the title says I am around the 30 day mark. During this streak I have not actively counted days with a counter but according to my calculations today will be the 30th day clean. (Not counting days but still counted the days to being one month??, I know, I just knew that on Wednesdays I would surpass a week and it is hard not to realize a week had gone by, I just did not use a counter to check on my days)

Also, I apologize for the long post, I should learn giving my thoughts in a more efficient way.

Streak background
This is not the first time I have been clean for 30 days. My highest streak was around 110 days. After that I have gone 30-40 few times and a lot of 2,3,4 week streaks. But it has been a while since I made it to one month. And I thought I would celebrate it by posting here.

Some back story
I think why this year in particular has been difficult and why I have not been on longer streaks has been because I started going back to the dating scene. I am 23 years old and after breaking up with one of my exes 3 or so years back I took some time to do some inner searching and improvement. Sure I tried dating apps afterwards, but usually deleted them after few days due to the provocative photos and frustration those apps create. But that's another story. This year I have tried searching for a partner more actively and spent more time on dating apps. Also one thing that I think that affected to this was my search of finding balance in trying not to overwork myself as well as staying busy enough to not relapse. I have been moving around for job gigs this summer. (which I somewhat enjoy, but it is taxing) I would get a burnout and when I had no energy to distract myself from urges, I would relapse.

So what changed?
I think this streak I had more clarity about just focusing on myself. I started my journal back after 14 days, and I think that as been one of the reasons I have not relapsed around weeks 2-4, something that has been a curse during this year. I also deleted dating apps a while ago and focused more on meeting new people in real life. I also stopped counting days. I saw a video on YouTube where it was said that if you want to live a clean life you already have to live like you are clean. Live like I am free now, like I already would have 1000+ days. I thought about what would my life be like if I was clean for a long time. I would not consider watching p. I would have different ways of dealing with boredom, rejection, bad emotions - you name it. And so far it has worked. Sure stuff like being busy (in reasonable balance with energy) helps, with exercise, cold showers, meditation, hobbies, seeing people, keeping a journal etc. I wont be going deeper on this topic since I think there are a lot of posts and videos online that give good advice on what healthy routines are for healthier dopamine. Just add stuff gradually, not all at once.

The benefits
I have one clear benefit usually around one month which is clearer facial skin. Spots are pretty much all gone, though skin will look better after more abstinence. I also tend to get spots after relapsing. About having more energy, looking back there has been times where I have had a lot of energy as well as times where I have had low energy. I think flatline and the amount of stuff I do affect this, since I usually start a flatline around 14 days and so far it is still somewhat going. Being more social is one thing, but it really depends on where I am, how I am feeling and people around me. And I think I have a lot of learning to do in being more social, now that we are allowed to meet people after the pandemic and nofap is just one of the things that affect it. Not a fix all, but it is useful.


Conclusion
Kinda just wrote whatever came to my head. Finding a balance of being busy, but not overworking myself has been important this streak. Also resting gives time for me to battle urges more, since I can not always distract myself by doing something. There are some benefits, but as of now I am more waiting on my flatline to end, still the experience of being clean for 30 days has been nice and refreshing. There have been some bad emotions that I have had to deal with, but so far I have been able to not escape them to pmo. Huge thanks goes to my accountability group, since it has helped me to contact them when ever I feel like escaping. Journaling has been helpful. I kinda gave up on it during the start of the year since I made it more about accomplishments like how much stuff I had done, or how many clean days I have had this year. And when I would not get good streaks or be productive, I would not have motivation to write there. Now that I started again, just writing my thoughts and emotions when ever I feel sad or like relapsing helped me to gain control back.

Again, sorry for long post. Hopefully you got something out of this. God bless you!

 

thanks man! all the best to you as well!

 

thanks man, all the best!