The Lord of the Rings Challenge

@PeaceOnEarth108

Imo this event it's perfect to wake up. Take it as a sign of how messed up and pathetic your life in addiction is. You have the strength to quit it. To never feel this horrible feeling again. To show love to God and yourself.
This feeling is energy, it's up to you to use it to your advantage

 

Day 149
Only 1 day left for 5 month milestone

 

Day 16, trod on! Having some urges today...anxiety attack from yesterday is still giving me some chest pains...i am getting through it

 

Thank you very much.

 

1 day - At Buckland, Bilbo gives you Sting - an Elven short-sword made in Gondolin. It will turn blue when porn forces are around.

Hardly any urges. Strange. I am usually bombarded with tracers. That journalling inner child work the other night was so profound. Maybe I have healed a lot. Still going to be careful. But it's like my feelings of shame are gone. It was the voice of family members. I took back control from them in the journalling. All the bad feelings I look back on of shame have a family members voice attached to it. Now that I worked through things I don't have respect for them or what they think anymore. Is the shame they created in me to control me healed? Did God heal that? I am very grateful for this. That shame caused me a ton of suffering. It feels like it has been lifted. This is amazing.

 

This is fitting because I still feel the allure of porn ...

And I had this funny dream where I recognized a porn actress in a little group of sitting people and it was NOT one that I like to watch. Not an ugly one either but more like a third-class p-star for me, which I know but never looked for her with purpose. Of course after the dream I wanted to watch a scene with her - SO STUPID! lol

Ok, so PMO forces have spotted me but I shouldn't be afraid, just careful and hurry to meet Tom Bombadil.

 

Day 43
Longest streak I've ever had. I've really been struggling lately due to a higher level of stress than normal. Exams, financial and social anxiety, the works. Probably overblowing the significance of it but it has snowballed into me indulging in erotic stories and pictures that challenge my sobriety. I still feel prepared to keep going but I need to work hard to stop the landslide before I totally relapse.

 

9/22/2022 completed

day 24 - No M / O
day 2 - No P / Psub / addiction-induced arousal

 

check in

 

Day 6 complete!

All the friends I was hanging out with tonight were drinking, and they offered to buy me drinks, but I said no. I'm grateful they didn't push me about it. This is what I have to do to put myself in a better place for removing PMO from my life, and I'll do it gladly. Alcohol is not necessary at all to have a good time. Feeling strong. I'm going to make breathing exercises a more regular part of my life, to help me gain better awareness and control over my physiological state when faced with an urge.

St. Cecilia, pray for us!

 

Day 19 - Bree sends aid! Bill, a strong and kind pony, joins your quest by carrying rations and items.
Quest Aid – Bill, the pony

Hello there again Bill.


Keep on going Fellowship!

 

Day 1, as a hobbit complete

stumbled upon this...


"I am worth the extra effort!."

 

Day 34 no PMO. Feeling fine.

The number of posts is significantly down today compared to yesterday. Wondering if that has to do with our leader @RiseToGreatness stepping aside for a bit. Please keep coming back guys. This is important weather he is here or not. We got this!

 

Do we have to check in every day? I do it regardless. I have the time to do it so why not.

Their possibly busy with important matters. Maybe they are doing it themselves then later check in. Or possibly doing it themselves then have relapsed & quit if that can be the case. I had another member in another challenge that hasn't showed up for a while then comes back saying "I thought I didn't need to do this challenge on my own" but also he said "I relapsed and going to start again" paraphrase. Atm he did came back but stopped at Day 6 and I haven't heard from him for a while now since he came back. Maybe he relapsed again. I'm still going to be here regardless if @RiseToGreatness hasn't checked in for awhile.
Like I said, this is not easy. This hard mode with the set of rules to comply with as well. This isn't a sprint.

Oh no, this might become like the other challenge. This will be a few of us left If it does happen I accept it
Again, I'm still going to be here.

 

Day 12 morning:

After spending the night at the tower of Among sul we wake up at first light, Glorfindiel told me its 2 more days to reach Rivendell. we must part ways, but he told me do not waste time go full speed ahead for the Nasgul are hot on my trail.

Yesterday i definitely pinpointed it. Youtube

Youtube is a massive time consumer for me.
I went home and wanted to put something productive music and clean and sweep my room, then go into my school assignment and then workout, but immidealty as i openend youtube some review about the rings of power and house of the dragon where flashing on my home page.

I underestimated it, tough it would be a quick 15 minutes but i ended up watching the one of house of the dragon too 21 minutes and then another video and then ANOTHER fucking one! I spent 2 hours by the time i finished it was already past nine.
i did not study nor workout nor even a cold bath sleep overtook me and i fell on my bed.

Thanks God I did not watch porn, the anger I hold towards it keeps it at bay.
But it still i wasted an evening watching shit on youtube.
So now not watching youtube is on my list, I can't channel anger on it like I do with porn for there are good stuff on it, but its still fake and time wasting.
I already took counter actions and downloaded the workout songs and other videos i can use so i won't have to go online it to play them.

I will not watch anime or tv series reviews on youtube anymore for the rest of the 169 days to mount doom.
i will control myself and not open Youtube after i come home from work.
they are not worth it, not worth my time at all in the end what did i gain from watching them ranting about what other did people do in films? I will focus fully on myself my life now.

My grandparents and parents did not have youtube or porn digital shit in their times and lived good so can I.

Thanks God today is weekend and is normally a rest day from workout.
So I will catch up the yesterdays cleaning, reading, workout and studies today.

The ring can use many forms in an attempt to seduce us friends, stay vigilant, stay strong!

See you guys for the evening checkin.

 

Check in.... Sorry for being inactive lately, quite busy.
Tomorrow is a very important exam, if I performed well, I will be given access to higher level quality batch(More vigorous prep.)
I am cursing my brain fog ultimately cursing myself right now lol.
I have made day and night equal and done very intensive study but sadly not able to complete everything till now, pls keep me in your prayers, its very imp exam, cuz of this pmo thing I am left behind compared to my past.

 

Checking in Fellowship friends!

74 Days Free of PMO.

Slept better last night, slightly tired but it is what it is. Meditation, workout, exposure, reading and rest.

Hope you are all having a good weekend.

For those who have relapsed recently:

"Falling down is not failure. Failure comes when you stay where you have fallen." -Socrates

Stay strong!

@Ready to Stop My notifications advised me that you mentioned me but when I select it, I only see a note for RiseToGreatness, not sure what happened there.

 

Day 150 - Another milestone

 

You enter the tower of Cirith Ungol, the fortress that guards the passage to Mordor. The tower is heavely guarded by PMO forces so the Valar have promote you to Dwarf-King. The beard and axe are back with double strenght. All Hail, King under the Mountain!!!

 

0 days. It's ok. Not gonna give up. Gonna keep praying, and doing all the things I need to do to stop. I will get there. God please deliver me from this.