The Lord of the Rings Challenge

9/29/2022 completed

day 31 - No M / O
day 1 - No P / Psub / addiction-induced arousal
Mental exhaustion has become my #1 trigger lately. I have to figure out how to cope with it effectively without porn.

 

1 day. When I am craving PMO there are reasons. It my way of dealing with things. The old HALT. Hungry, angry, lonely or tired. Anxious too. When I am triggered I am probably one of these things. When I am having horrible urges I need to find out what is going on and fix it. Change the habit. If I am hungry I will eat. If I am angry I will find out why and resolve it. If I am lonely I will call friends and talk to God. If I am tired I will sleep. If I am anxious I could be mindful and present. I can't just wait for the urges to go away. It is time to be proactive. This has to stop now. This can not be in my life anymore.

 

2:33 I most certainly believe this was the only time when Sam almost fell to it's temptation of the Ring. Made me wonder if the only reason why he gave it up despite of hesitating was he didn't hold it long enough as Frodo did. The closer you are destroying your PMO ring then the harder it is to let go. As someone commented in the video once they were in Mordor, the harder it is for them to resist the Ring.

Feels like my situation I am sort of in right now. I already did the work but I need to throw out the very last items (I.g. Adult items and everything related to it) but I believe I can destroy this for good. Will I destroy it or will I keep it as these PMO forces are putting it in mind to do that instead? I'm almost there.

But I believe by the time you get rid of all you stuff completely finally, will you be tempted to keep or will you be tempted to go back even after you thrown it all out?? That is something to think about. Because of my last relapse, I believe I can go back to to more or less even if I have thrown it all out. It possible to go back again if I am not strong enough. Very relatable situation with Frodo's situation. Once your about to throw all of it before you let it go, will you instead keep all of it in the last moment?

So I mentioned this in another challenge but not here I believe. If I have to fail (relapse) more than once but later in the process just to finally succeed then I guess so be it. As I said, it could be the last time for me to relapse but anything can happen. That is hard to think about I will fight through as best as I can until the end. No doubt in my mind.

The eerie and spooky whispers from the Ring to Sam when he was about to give it back to Frodo. Experiencing the taste of Evil. It feels like me in my current situation. The look on Sam's face before giving it up to Frodo.

As I quote by Galadriel again from Day 0 on this current streak "One by one, it will destroy them all." All of them will fail once it is time to destroy it. If they (Fellowship) were in Frodo's position.
Galadriel: To bear a Ring of Power is to be alone.
Frodo: Then I know I must do it's just I'm afraid to do it.
What most will not do before destroying "it". (i.g. P items, PMO altogether, devices to lead to relapse, and so forth) Most of them won't let go.
Galadriel: Even the smallest person can change the course of the future.

Keep standing and fighting Fellowship.

 

So insomnia got you again. Sorry for the relapse bro. Others like SAA, therapy, asking others such as your wife to hide electronics and support groups may help. I have my personal opinions which I will say later.

But entirely, it is up to you including everyone else. We are only here to support and advise one another here but you have to precautionary steps to take so on your own. As I said, anything can happen. So I can relate to the insomnia. That have to suck so much when you ultimately want to just go to bed and sleep. Been there more than one time. You already done 90 days. You can do it better again. Keep on going Fellowship brother.

 

Day 6
Difficult morning. Cravings are intense and I always feel on the edge of relapse. Need time to disconnect and recover so that I can keep going.

 

Day 3 done.

 

Checking in. Going to read a book.

 

Day 422!! Awesome night.

 

Guys I want to give you my humble opinion. Maybe I'm wrong in this, but I see it this way.

I don't think external changes like hiding electronic devices or p blockers are a good place to start. Why? Because if you're not determined it's even worse than doing nothing, it's lying to yourself, thinking like: "I'm really trying to quit it, but I can't"... "what am I doing wrong?"... "What should I do?"... You know the drill.

The problem is the true start of your freedom comes with a decision. If you are not absolutely sure PMO is bad for you, and absolutely sure you want to quit it, you won't. P blockers? A lie. You wouldn't even try to search P if you were determined...
Hiding devices? If you aren't determined, you know as well as I do, you can find a way to PMO or MO.

You need to change from within, that's the first step. Then and only then you can help yourself with external aid, not the other way around.

This last advice is for those who are falling within only a few days, sorry if I'm too harsh:

Stop lying to yourself, you aren't convinced right now, and you won't change at this pace...
Imo It's better that you keep watching P or MOing and keep comfortably contemplating how it f*cks your life until it's sad and pathetic enough, then, inside of the hole, you can finally get the inspiration you need, and you will be able to be free...
You don't like that way? That's the bad way, of course you don't. But that's the one way that most of us took. If you don't wanna take it, really change now. Or just go bad way

 

Day 1 complete!

No temptations, but the brain fog was pretty bad. I'm grateful for the negative effects of relapsing--they remind me why I shouldn't do it.

@Kairose I think you're right. A few days ago I deleted my phone's porn blocker. The desire and the effort to beat this has to come from within myself; it cannot be artificially imposed from without. My biggest problem is autopilot. Most of the time it's like I'm 90% of the way to a relapse before I even know what's going on, and by then it's too late for me to wrest control back from my lower brain functions. How do I avoid autopilot?

St. Jerome, pray for us!

 

@daddyG1981 @Baki Hanma @Lone Skeleton Thank you guys. I should have listened to you. Instead 3xPMO. While girlfriend was leaving in my mind I already chose to PMO. Now I feel destroyed. But I'm back again.

0 days You decide to destroy the porn ring! You´re a Hobbit now. You must take the ring to the place where he was made, Mount Doom. You left Hobbiton heading for Bree.

 

I guess I will post this of @Kairose
If he didn't post this then I probably wouldn't be following up to this. Here goes.

So that is what I have been saying all along. P blockers aren't necessary. You will find a way to do it if your still addicted enough.
Change happens from the inside first if you ever experienced it.

Fine, I will tell my story here to you guys & maybe in the other challenges as well. But this group needs to listen up here. Not sure if it will help someone but here it goes. Going to keep this brief.

As diet/fitness, you do this every 4-6 days a week. It never stops. Sometimes it is good to take a week off for the body to rest. Most of the time, it is 4-6 times a week.

My long story short of my diet/fitness journey. Most of my life, I think I would weigh 210 ish lbs to 220 lbs (99 kg). Fast forward, Summer 2007 for three months from 190 lbs (86 kg) to 140s lbs (63 kg) (Still wasn't satisfied with it but it was huge difference and people saw it). Only 90 days it happened. It a huge change from the time span because it getting into my Senior year in high school. Now I don't count body weight but the look in the mirror or my measurements (waist). I am around 190s lbs (86 kg) today but now but I am more muscular compared to where I started. Yes, I was overweight/obese for my body composition. As I said to myself before coming here again in the forums, it doesn't happen over night. In fact, I can do this myself but I already made a commitment on this hard mode of no PMO so I'm here. I think I made a mistake on joining because I would have been still on my Semen retention streak despite of accidentally/intentionally looking at P. So I mean what I say. I'm committing to this hard mode as long as I can unless I can't comply with the no P because sometimes I come across it by accident.

Any way, consistently choosing not to eat that sugary desert or high caloric foods every day/week. If you mess up for that week, you have to start all over again. Meaning you decrease your calories dramatically or do more cardio.

E.g. 500 cals each day then on the weekends 20000 calories. Technically, you just blew it in the weekend.

Yes I used to do 500 cals and it was extreme because I was so determined. I think I would be able to do it because I am still serious about it. My body fat was at high 20% which is high. Now I am fluctuating from 12 - 17 % body fat. But my body composition improved so I am at a stage of needing more calories. I used to fast (24 - 96 hours a week) often but I don't want to lose too much size (muscle). You know the story about my fasting. Btw I believe fasting will help with this addictions for another reason which I will explain later. Fasting is also the same thing over here with this no PMO journey. I hope you get it. Lastly, I fought like my life depended on it every day!! Got down to 140+ lbs from 190 lbs. And yeah my face looks pissed off while working out because this is not easy! Well I am trying to be a little more neutral in my face because some individuals will start to act up as well lol...I'm not special with my genetics at all so of course I am going to try my best reach my fitness goals every time I train at the gym. My body type is average/not so great but I am one of the muscular guys because I earned each and every single time I check in to workout. I am a different type of human than most people in the gym. I stand out and imagine if I'm already in a longer streak. Since my results and transformation in 2007, people saw the change on the outside. Very noticeable. I had my ups and downs until to this day but I was kind well of my way improving until COVID hit.

I might ramble about my diet/fitness journey more later to try to connect my points to here. I don't want to here make this about this topic all the time.

In another reference, you have to go Super Saiyan time all the time at the gym including here to beat this addiction!

"Get the mind right and the body will follow".

Change comes from within. I already experience it in my diet/fitness journey. Still a long way to go for my fitness goals but C19 situation halted that. So atm I am maintaining my size and leaning down as best as I can. While maintaining five gym memberships

But here regarding my SR/No PMO journey, I know I am in the process in changing for the best. I'm almost there. Small tweaks and fix then good to go. I already made a vow I will get this done. To destroy this PMO ring once and for all. That includes no M or MO. I hope this helps. That's all.

 

Day 5 - With rain and fog you enter the old village of Bree.

Well I said what I said in my last post following up Kairose. Not much else. Not sure if I will head to the gym because it is getting later. Which includes more people will start checking in and I am not looking forward to that. I will see attractive women there of course since more people are coming around on the later times.

Maybe go to the gym or not. Read up on other things and such.

Trying to keep calm and collected in Bree. Oh this person is familiar here eating a carrot in Bree
Keep on going Fellowship!

 

Day 7 checking in, getting ready to leave Bree and fully aware that there are Nazgûl on the road ahead

 

Day 4 checking in.

PMO forces almost got me last night but through sheer willpower and determination, I slipped free and made my escape. Phew...

 

Thank you for sharing! You know I'm trying to find balance in my diet/exercise life yet. It's being a little hard for me lol. From working out every day to intermittent fasting a few months later, and no sugar... Now I'm basically allowing me everything, but I know for sure I need to go to the gym because I'm getting fat

 

Day 2 no PMO. I want to go back and explain my relapse the other night. Not sure who posted it but there was a post a few days back about a podcast that was the story of a young lady tricked and forced to do porn. I listened to the podcast and felt convicted that porn was awful and that if I watched porn I was contributing to the problem. I felt good about this and knew that I should not watch porn. I have two daughters myself and wouldn’t want to be a contributing factor for them one day getting forced into doing anything. Anyway… I was feeling good but on the third night of my trip I found myself alone in the room and loneliness and anxiety started to kick in. I felt the trip was a waste of time and was mad at myself for even coming. I was watching YouTube and saw a “short” that looked like it might be arousing (sexy girl playing golf). Knowing that I didn’t want to watch porn I decided it would be ok to watch a YouTube short. It’s not porn after all… nobody made her make that sexy golf video. That started the spiral down but the interesting part is that I told myself not to watch porn because of the potential abuse of real women. My solution… watch cartoon porn. So crazy how the brain works when the ball starts rolling. I was telling myself it was ok because I wasn’t watching real women and only cartoons. I actually never Md but I still strongly felt this was a relapse because of my stupidity. Obviously cartoon porn will lead men to real porn which could untimely lead to some porn maker trying to trick my girls into doing porn. It’s all the same thing. I boil my relapse down to overconfidence. I thought this new insight of how porn is made would cause me not to watch but I’m the end it actually caused another dumb relapse. Be careful out there. Satan has some crazy good tricks up his sleeve.

 

if your serious enough, no pressure.
Just as PMO has consequence, if you neglect your diet/fitness then you suffer consequence as well...being fat is one of them.
This thread isn't for fitness but will help with Semen retention/NoFap lifestyle.

Just diet/fitness was something I tried to connect with this NoFap lifestyle. It had it similarities including other areas in life as well. Since your in a longer streak now, you will benefit from the diet/fitness lifestyle.

You didn't need to explain since you did I will response to this. Umm cartoon porn is basically the same thing. Such as hentai which can be triggering to me since I like it. But good thing I don't know any good sites for them... Damn...

So if it was intentionally watching on cartoon porn then that is a reset since we are in hard mode. Real/cartoon porn is still the same thing. Over confidence? Ah so it got you as well. Sorry to hear brother. And yes I have been saying not to be overconfident because during my last streak because I almost relapsed. @Redemptionisrequired has been saying not to be complacent no matter what streak your on. In my recent relapse, it was just peeking and curiosity reasons which I already explained in my log in my journal. Yesss the PMO forces are real. I keep seeing attractive women at my gym more often ever since I started my Semen retention/NoFap journey seriously. So be careful and vigilant. You already done it so stay strong. Keep going fellowship brother!