Addictions are related to unhappiness

Very interesting post. I believe you are correct, that unhappiness can lead to destructive behaviors, such as masturbation. Part of overcoming an addiction is finding the underlying reason a person is drawn to that behavior. Thank you for sharing.

 

Very true. At least for me, it seems that the unhappiness must be solved before the porn addiction can be solved.

 

almost all addictions help people escape from reality. i dont know of any addiction that grounds people solidly in the truth of life. its all just escapism.

 

i disagree to an extent with the post and replies above cause its giving a vibe that non-addicted people are not facing much unhappiness in life. This is wrong. All people whether addicted or non addicted have unhappy lives, filled with happy moments from time to time.
Life itself will always and mostly remain boring and unhappy. The pursuit should not be entirely to look for happiness but contentment. Many would disagree with me but before passing judgement or criticism, one needs to deeply think about this point. The more you will find ways to be contented with what you have while pursuing for betterment, the more easy life will get. The more you will look for complete happiness, the more you will struggle and remain disappointed

 

A healthy person who is unhappy wont feel the need to escape via a self destructive coping mechanism, a person who is unhealthy will.

 

To some degree, we should make aspects of our lives things we don’t want to escape from.
1) Change our perception of the world around us
2) Change the world around us where we can
3) Accept what we cannot change and change how we respond to it it because there will always be things we cannot change.

If it sounds like the AA serenity prayer, it should. This is fundamental issue for all people that have an addiction that helps them escape life.

 

Completely agree on that one. Even if it is your own family when you see that they cause harm to you I would not be friends with them. Because at the end of the day even if a plane you have to set the oxygen mask for you first before doing it for your children otherwise you won't be able to help them.

 

I think you've found a strong truth, and you're entertaining a strong lie.

If PMO wasn't good for you in some way, you wouldn't keep wanting it. PMO is filling a need. It's not the only thing that can fill that need, and it's not the best way. It's a poisoned solution to whatever problem it is that you're addressing. If you quit P and change nothing else, your urges will keep coming back stronger and stronger, because you still have a need.
Note when your urges are. That will help you figure out what need you have. It's typically a response to stress, the question is what kind? Is it when you feel out of control? When you feel inadequate? When you feel lonely? When you figure it out, find an alternate way to satisfy that need.

In my case, I use(d) PMO in response to situations I found too hard, or impossible. I used it as a fantastic escape where people were happy, and had minimal conflict. I satisfy the need by thinking about what the best use of my time can be right now in the moment, and what I might be able to do in the future. If there's nothing I can do about it right now, that's okay. I'm doing my best, better than I have before, and that's what matters.

Now for the lie.

There's more, it's most of your post, honestly. The problem is, you're feeling sorry for yourself and blaming others.

You're using "maybe," "had I not," "perhaps," "I think," "might," etc. You're guessing and making claims on what might have been, which is not useful for two reasons.

#1. You don't really know what might have been. People in your circumstances have not fallen to addiction, and people outside of your circumstances have fallen to addiction.

#2. Blaming past circumstances and other people robs you of your power to change the current situation. Even if it were true that if only this thing were different and that person was better, there's nothing you can do about it today.

Don't get lost in guilt, whether assigning it to yourself or others. Contempt and resentment, no matter where they are addressed, are like acid on your soul; they corrode, corrupt, and destroy. Cut out the toxic beliefs, behaviors, and relationships today. Do what's right today. Pointing fingers at past beliefs or people is a trap, you'll be fighting ghosts.

 

What you endured that makes your statements true?

 

What have you endured that makes your statements true?

 

I use PMO because I’m unhappy that I’m a virgin and have never had a girlfriend. When most guys my age have already had sex and have girlfriends by now.

 

Not that I think you or anyone else will listen, but nothing magical happens when you lose your V card. You're the same awkward, uncertain person you were before.

There's this notion, not entirely invented by porn I suspect, but very much supported by it, that you aren't a real "man" unless your genitals have crossed a certain threshold in another person's genitals, and it's weird. It proves nothing, it changes nothing, it means virtually nothing. Don't use this fact as ammunition against yourself. It's worth taking your time and doing for the right reasons, to build an intimate relationship with a partner, rather than rushing off to "be a man."

 

I use PMO as a way to feel in control and as a way to regulate my emotions and cope with negative feelings.

 

And does it place us in actual control? Does it reinforce emotional resilience over the long term? Does it help us work through our negative feelings, or just kick the can down the road?

Someone give this self-aware man a cookie, he's close to unlocking true recovery.

 

It's all temporary. It just leaves me feeling even more like shit and makes things worse for me in the long run.

 

Yes, I applaud this! Getting to the source of issue is the fundamental way to solve this issue IMHO. (FWIW - six months no PM here).