FEMDOM ADDICTION

I relapsed again after 5 days..
Day 0

 

Yes bro, I can relate with your words. I myself got pulled from normal to fetish videos a dozen times. Whenever I stop this, I have huge anxiety. I can't breathe properly which then leads to vomiting etc. So it feels like a curse but it's NOT. I have something in mind on which I am working on. Let's say I am getting to the core of that problem and If I got succeed then I'll surely write my story here.
Till then don't relapse and stay strong brother.

 

Brain cloud, depression, social anxiety, insomnia, not getting pleasure in activities, mood swings and some other things that fits in those categories are having a good time with me since day before yesterday and I don't know when they will leave so let's see what happens next..
Relapse is a option but don't want to take that option yet.

 

Day 7.
Fapped using physical stimulation only (no porn). The only thing mastrubation does to me (without porn/playing fantasy in my mind) is lighten my balls. Orgasm was weak but It was possible. This time I don't have the urges that I usually feel after when fapped to normal P or no P. I think it's a good sign.

 

I knew it from the starting (puberty) that I have 2nd person/personality in me which is the person who likes to indulge in this femdom type of stimuli but I was not accepting this person in me and was running from it from the past 2-3 years. Running only confirmed me one thing that I was running from a part that is within me. I can make better progress if I try to understand this part.

Yeah that's true. Takes a lot of willpower..

That's what I was thinking earlier. Well, I had an urge so I tried to understand it instead of acting upon it and figured out that the main problem is not about liking femdom/findom, main problem is the porn. Using porn in a compulsive way is harmful for brain as well as for one's sexuality and much more harmful for a guy of a young age with some childhood trauma. Yeah, I am talking about myself in the last line and I was using it compulsively from 5-6 years.

It so much enhance those fetishes/fantasy that it affects almost every aspect of life. So, Recovery is gonna be difficult but not impossible according to my current brain status.

Same to you, bro

 

Thanks for the motivation, my friend.
Btw How do you deal with the flatline period bro? I am in this period now a days and sometimes feel complete lack of motivation and no pleasure doing normal things. It's like void inside me that is never filled, yes I am trying to heal that part and it's helping me much more than trying to escape from it but this flatline period, I don't know when it will end or is there a end? Any clues regarding this bro?

 

Yes, I am doing these things on a daily basis. Sometimes playing video games, listening to music can be very useful.

You can't compulsively mastrubate without porn so I am cutting the porn totally out from my brain. If I want to jerk off, it's without porn and in this stage, I don't have any will to jerk without P so I am on nofap basically. Jerked off twice in the last 2 weeks and that too without P. Does nothing other than lightning the balls but yeah last one was slightly better than the first one.

 

Yup, I am focusing on positive habits but I am not getting hard on myself this time. I try to do 1 positive habit per day. I am trying to be consistent in my habits. Sometimes, there is no thing that can provide me mental pleasure (i.e dopamine) and the only thing that gives pleasure is opening the path to femdom and it can be very frustating at times. Today, I edged 2 times due to this feeling but it's ok. I will not try to do that in the coming future.

Yes bro, we can and we will forget about femdom.

Do you also have similar fetishes or fantasies? What is the core arousal that it thrives on? Like the core arousal inside me is serving women basically. I don't have any interest in things like pegging etc coz I know women can't feel a damn thing in this. It's just my assumption, It can be different for others.

 

Guys, I figured it out. I think I know why I am who I am. I know why I have these fantasies, fetishes etc. So, It all started around 2011-12 when I was 10-11 years old. So, It was the time when a person starts to have feelings about what is intimacy and all that. In this time, I visualized something I shouldn't have. I watched my parents sexual intercourse hiding inside the room. I remember It was time after waking up and from there my story goes on downhill. At that time, no one was talking about sex and intimacy and these are the things that were prohibited according to society in india. Talking about these thing were like talking about some bad things and If listened by other people then they say this person has no manner at all. I was a good student and was really believing that these are really bad things just because I was a kid. In this mindset, I visualized that sexual sequence and I remember, I was terrified and was really thinking that why I watched this bad scene and that somehow, that affected me psychologically. After that, I think I feared the intimacy and that's why I got the feet fetish. Feet are so connected to sumbission in India and at that time, in the thought why I like feet, my brain somehow connected it to female dominance unconsciously. After that, porn enhanced those feelings much more and it also didn't gave me time to heal from that trauma I suffered. So, this is the reason. Now, I need to heal that trauma and for that to happen first, I think need to get to the point where porn had no influence over my life. If anyone have any advice about how to heal this type of trauma, do tell. It'll really be helpful.

 

Yeah bro, that's right! Good luck. Let's get past this thing. It has done super more than enough damage to us.