FEMDOM ADDICTION

Yes exactly.
Go out there and meet people. You will be shocked how insignificantly our fetishes affect us in real life

 

If you’re narcissistic you crave power and control in most/all situations every interaction you feel you need to dominate or win it right? Not sure if you’ve noticed! Must be pretty tiring trying to be in control all of the time? Just like politicians and people in high end jobs with a lot of pressure!! Then add the pressure of whatever criminal stuff you do? I wonder if some people need a break from all of this power and having to be in control and deal with all the burden! Wouldn’t it be nice to just hand it over for an hour and just escape. You’re just trying to balance things out homey!

 

At least you’re self aware enough to know you’re a bit narcissistic! It’s just another form of dealing with stuff. Are you glad you are or would you prefer to be someone kind? and meet someone you trust and love?

 

hi buddy your story is very related to me. I am 28 and married and started to PM on femdom. Im not that porn addictive like you but when I do I always want to watch femdom. I have just started my reboot yesterday. Want to see how it goes. My local doctor suggestes only masturbation without any porn.

 

Sounds like you’re doing really well, I don’t and nor does my psychologist see any harm in healthy fantasies (things that don’t abuse yourself or another) Personally I found storing it up for too long and the shame of deciding I need a release to be so shameful calling it a relapse etc, The femdoms or t’s would be the ticket for an intense release and way of saying f it you’ve failed. Which would lead to more self trashing stuff. The femdom for me gave me a way of letting go of control. It also affirmed negative core beliefs, I’ve subconsciously felt guilty and different with a very loud inner critic. Talking kindly to myself, meditating, gratitude, blocking porn sites, stopping drinking(stopping hangovers where I feel so low)and countless therapy sessions things have definitely changed. I’m not attracted to trans anymore even the convincing ones I see the guy behind the makeup. The femdom is tough because confident sexy women are alway going to be attractive. But building and believing there’s a guy in there that need looking after that’s been through hell. Why would I bully and punish him. Whilst paying some sick narcissist to help out abusing him. Even in the best femdom sessions I’ve had, there was something missing that I was searching for and I’ll never find it there no matter how extreme I go.

 

@creatorofmyowndestiny
I just want to post my experience and my two cents as a guy who has had a fetish long before I ever encountered porn.

First of all, a fetish especially something you have had before porn IS NOT really a problem. @creatorofmyowndestiny for example imagine you had never encountered porn or even videos of women showing their feet, what do you think would have happened? You would probably still always had a thing for women's feet and any girl you would have been with, you would have maybe tried to also touch or kiss or play with her feet or maybe even act out some small fetish games where the girl seemed to have some power over you or something that came to your imagination. But apart from that, you would have been just like any other guy who was attracted to girls.

So what I am saying is that our fetish IS NOT the core problem. The problem is our ADDICTION. Meaning the inability to control our sexual urges.

It does not matter if you are addicted to a man and woman having sex and cannot control yourself and you have to watch videos of that and masturbate again and again,

OR

If you are addicted to videos of women shaking their ass or removing their shoes or tying their hair or spanking guys or any other fetish thing.

The problem is not the THING you are addicted to but that fact that you are ADDICTED.

There can be a guy who loves being dominated by girls. And he usually shares his fetish with the girls that he dates and has some fetish activities in his life and then just goes about his everyday life. He does not watch porn and does not compulsively masturbate. That guy is fine. His taste for femdom is not a problem.

There can be another guy who likes just plain vanilla sex. But he is ADDICTED to watching it and he spends hours watching it everyday and masturbates compulsively and has PIED. This guy has a problem though he only likes vanilla stuff. And his problem is that he is ADDICTED. He has no control over his sexual urges regardless of how vanilla they are.

I am writing this because this was something I wish I had understood way earlier. I spent a lot of time trying to change my fetish, instead of just focusing on giving up porn and RECOVERING control of my sexual urges. My advice is forget about the fetish, do not put yourself down for it, do not obsess about it, it's okay if you are turned on by feet or whatever. Just focus on staying away from porn and compulsive sexual behaviours.

RECOVER CONTROL OF YOUR SEXUAL BEHAVIOUR. Do not obsess over WHAT KIND OF BEHAVIOUR turns you on.

Funnily once we stay away from porn and recover control, we realize that attractive women will turn us on and our fetish will always be there and can turn us on more if we want to share it with partners and engage in it.

But do not try to FORCE YOURSELF TO TURN VANILLA BY WATCHING VANILLA PORN. That does not solve the problem. That is like an alcoholic who only likes whiskey forcing himself to like vodka by drinking vodka forcefully.

All he has to do is to stay away from alcohol not forcefully drink a different form of alcohol.

Hope this helps to anyone with a fetish.

P.S. Again I am only addressing people who had fetish tastes and interests long before they started watching porn.

 

This is quite interesting whether she’s got it all right I’m not sure but seems to make sense:

 

I have been on a quest to understand my fetish since the last 2 decades. I had fetish or kinky interests long before puberty and always have. I read tons and tons of available scientific literature, spoken to so many other fetishists and even some researchers on sexuality.

From my experience, let us first of all clearly divide people who developed a certain fetish only after watching porn and those that had it long before they even had access to porn. I am talking only about the latter category not people who developed fetishes after porn.

I am the latter category, I remember having my fetishes even before I watched cable television forget porn or youtube or anything else.

The theory that it is always by trauma is not always true. If so, why are some fetishes so common and some rare? All the foot fetishists out there literally millions of them had trauma? It does not seem very probable.

Can it be caused by trauma? Sure. Some, not all. Even at this present moment the scientific community does not have a clear cut answer to how fetish is formed. It seems like there can be many causes. Some studies even show that there some genetic traits that make it more likely to develop fetishes.

Fetishes existed long long before the Internet and porn. Fetishes are usually not the problem, porn IS. It makes it more EXTREME, makes you OBSESS more and engage in compulsive sexual behavior.

To anyone who had fetishes since very early and long before porn, I would advise to not do things like force yourself to watch vanilla porn or force yourself to fantasize about vanilla stuff etc. Just stay away from PORN and all kinds of sexual stimulation that would not have been available to a caveman with no TV, phone, magazines etc.

Most other things will just fall in place. If you hate yourself for your fetish, you are sure to never break the cycle of addiction.

 

I got into femdom then trans stuff but that’s escalation I think mainly as for years just watched “ normal porn” Although was more attracted to the bad girl type or even the darker side/scowling looking hotties back in the lingerie catalogue early teenage days. The thought of 2 vampire chicks seducing me on the train lines was also a wish walking home as a shy virgin, who felt different. That was before internet porn but maybe around the time of basic instincts seductive psycho
I was told off a lot as a youth, sent out or grounded. Sex wasn’t talked about in our house and having adhd ( prone for its hyper sexuality, risk taking and compulsive behaviours ) It’s not really a surprise I used it as a way of soothing and escaping stress with a very big imagination looking for an adventure. The trans escalated after not being able to find many skilled femdoms. Hard Domination wasn’t my thing and felt like a corny ghost train. But a confident sexual stunner in charge would have made me very nervous in real life. So the intense anxiety of engaging with someone like this was a massive turn on. Having adhd is exhausting all of the rumination, racing thoughts mood swings and feeling different plus always giving myself a hard time in my head. I guess made me want an escape and completely let go of control, plus self trashing was away of confirming negative core beliefs, punishing and self sabotaging. There was a hurt child in there that probably wanted to feel safe and be submissive to his caregiver. There’s also a rebel in there that liked playing with fire and loved the challenge of some one dominant, depending on which mood I was in anyway. I heard something about the place in your brain responsible for feet was next to the genital part but that’s just the rough explanation I picked up. Would you mind sharing your fetish and how you think it developed? Thanks

 

Sure. I am always happy to engage with anyone who is dealing with fetish as well as I think for rebooters this adds another layer of confusion or a feeling that they are "wrong" or "bad" or "evil" and different makes the process more harder many a time leading to more negative feelings and relapse. However, I do not want to post something with many triggers on here, so check you private messages. I will tell you in detail there and we can discuss it.

 

This post gets a lot of attention, but in the earlier replies someone said "Stay away from all porn." That's the truth of it, it doesn't matter what porn you like, it's all bad for you.
I have a fetish that I've had since a child and I love it. There's a lot of porn dedicated to this fetish and it makes porn very attractive for me. However, staying away from all porn is the answer to my best life. I really don't care about the type of porn I prefer, I'm staying away from all of it.