New Guy - London

Hiya,

I am a 30 year old man, living and working in London. I have been addicted to P since puberty (from around 13 years of age) - so hooked on this for approximately 17 years. I am happy with where I am financially, physically and professionally but unfortunately this dark secret has always held me back from sustaining relationships.

Reading the stuff on the forums, it all makes a lot of sense. I believe my way of thinking and my neurotransmitters have been altered over the years. I have had 2 long term relationships that didn't work out. The last one was 3.5 years with a girl I was really in love with (I still am, I think - we broke up 6 months ago). Still getting over this as I was planning to propose to her around this time. I was always tired and we were rarely physically intimate (but not tired enough to MO to P). She felt as if she was not attractive enough and felt really low. I did discuss this with her but I decided that this was not a big deal and that everyone does it ( an excuse as I have tried multiple times and failed to stop M to P). Finally, she walked away as she could not see how we would be able to sustain this in family life. I think I may have just lost the love of my life to this.

This has motivated me to conquer this once and for all. I need to reverse the effects of this 'poison' that I have been exposing myself to that has warped my way of thinking about women. My goal in the first instance is to make it to 21 days not to MO to P. Today is Day 3 - and things have started getting a little bit harder. I realize this is going to be a struggle as habits/physical changes that have happened over 17 years is not going to be easy to reverse. Browsing the forums and reading about other people's experiences greatly helps.

So, I am determined to conquer this and thanks for everyone's support.

 

Day 3. Yesterday was difficult (especially towards the end) but managed to pull through. Today wasn't so bad as was very busy - didn't really have time to think about it. I hope this is going to get easier after this but I know from other posts that it is going to get harder. Every hour gained is an hour closer to resetting, then it will be over once and for all. Trying to keep the faith - just a few more hours till Day 4.

 

Thanks for all the support guys. Almost day 6, it seems to be okay these last few days (prob because I am super busy during the week). Awaiting the specter of the weekend....but preparation is half the battle. I hope if I get the first week under my belt, it will get easier and easier. Hope you guys are doing allright.

 

Day 7 - just a few more hours to day 8. Nearly relapsed yesterday night but just went to bed. Today also just had an urge to look at P but logged on to this site instead. Thanks, gettingreal - i read some of your posts, totally agree with it. P does prevent you from real relationships. I also do a lot of work on my computer. Before, my usual pattern is to come back from work and surf the internet to unwind. Inevitably, this leads to PMO. When I am stressed, the same thing happens. I think that over the years my brain has associated unwinding/de-stressing with PMO. I think this is part of the rebooting - to tell my brain that unwinding and relaxing does not need to involve P.

So, far things have been okay. I think that this was the initial enthusiasm and novelty carrying me through. Yesterday and today were hard. I think this is where the real work starts. Each time I feel the urge, I am going to plan alternative things to do or to long in to NoFap for inspiration. I am not working this weekend so will be spending a lot of time alone at home working. This is the most dangerous period for me to relapse.

gettingreal, I am also not experiencing erections. I always thought that porn was an alternative but you are right, it has now taken over. I feel the urge to M but no erections. Part of the problem with my previous GF is that we weren't intimate enough - it took a lot of effort to get an erection. Even so, it was often poor quality and often I would think about P that I had seen to finish. I also constantly criticized her about her weight and appearance. I realize now during this week how much porn had affected my life now that I am rebooting. I realize now that I was such a jerk. Even within these 7 days, I feel more energetic and have so much more free time (I think I spent at least 1-2 hours surfing the internet for porn everyday) - what a waste of time, energy and life!

Once again, I am determined not to relapse. This weekend will be though but I believe I will be ready for it. Reading around, it apparently takes 21 days to break and old habit/create a new one (which is why I picked 21 days). I will see this through - porn has held me back for long enough. Thanks for the support, guys.

 

Hello, everyone. I can't believe that it has been almost 2 weeks! Been keeping busy, so have not noticed it. Last leg now - only 7 more days before the habit is well and truly broken. How is everyone else doing?