Attracted to Insecurity

Does anyone find insecurity attractive in potential dating prospects? I don't know if this is a problem or not, but I have an overwhelming urge to help and fix people. So when I meet a girl who comes across as shy, sad, and insecure, it is like I immediately feel attracted to her and want to help her see that deep down, she is really a great person. Usually, the response I get from friends and family when I tell them who my crush is, they say things like, "Wait, really? Her? Why? Come on, you can do better." And I'm like, "No, I can't do better. She's a great girl! You just can't see it."

On the other hand, when I meet happy confident girls, I don't feel all that attracted to them. I rarely develop crushes on these girls. The last two girls I have had crushes on have been both shy and insecure. However, insecure women also tend to cause me a great deal of frustration. Also, it seems I have less success making them develop feelings for me.

The thing is, I am an attractive man with a good job who is fairly happy and outgoing (for the most part. I'm still rather introverted). As a result, I tend to attract happy extroverted women. But, I'm not all that attracted to them. I pursue the sad insecure ones who confuse me, frustrate me, and cause me to walk away angry and hurt.

 

This post is like looking into a mirror. Have you ever considered the possibility that you have low self-esteem and therefore seek out girls who are seemingly worse-off than you in an unconscious effort to feel better about yourself?

 

This very well may be the case. I know I have some issues from my childhood. I've had severe ADHD my whole life and my mother, who had emotional issues herself didn't understand my struggles. She was overbearing and tended to take her own frustrations out on me, leading me to believe I was a bad child and nothing but a screw-up. Over time though, things got better between my mom and I. On top of that, I was overweight until a few years ago and so insecurity has been a major issue for me. It's getting better though.

Deep down I know I should seek an emotionally healthy and well adjust woman, but I'm just not that attracted to them. I don't know, maybe I should wait until I start finding the right women attractive, and then start seeking a relationship. Until then, I might just mess things up if I were start dating someone right now.

 

Why would you be attracted to someone who is insecure if, like a good partner, you would just end up trying to help them overcome their insecurity and then what, will you no longer be attracted to them once they feel happy about themselves.
Not entirely directed at you and you may have other reasons for it but try to make sure it isn't a projection of your own insecurity as many people have (I know some people in real life). Certain guys like to think that they are the only person who finds a girl attractive, that they somehow found a diamond in the rough which everyone else looked over and because of this the two of them must be soulmates and will live happily ever after because he is the only person who makes her feel good.
This is basically going one short of the whole 'nice guy' thing.

Addictionhelpseeker said it very nicely:

Guys are attracted to this because it seems 'easy' to get the girl, because after all that guy is the first to pay attention to her and no other guy has, right? And because of this all of the guys flaws will be overlooked, not because she want's to but because she has to since no one else will like or see her 'real beauty' or whatever the fuck they say.
It's just like in the movies where a guy starts to fall in love with the girl which no-one likes or thinks is attractive(even though she still looks amazing). This is a fantasy for so many guys who lack self esteem.
If you are attracted to insecure girls really find the reason for it, most likely it is some bullshit reason like the above.

 

no idea and I don't see why anyone ever would. I don't see why someone would do that and if they did they are still insecure about themselves seeing as they are trying to be someone else so I guess it is still the same from that point of view.

I had to look up 'camwhore' on urban dictionary lol, I didn't know what it was but I don't think they are in anyway different from any other person who does that stuff. Also the word makes you sound like a dick, maybe don't try to use it again hahahaha.

 

Wow, @Addictionhelpseeker and @rainingrn really good insight!

I'm guessing it's my own insecurity that is driving this. Perhaps I simply have a misguided sense of heroism; I want to rescue the girl that no other guy wants, the "diamond in the rough." I have no interest in women who are pursued by other men, and it is most likely because I don't feel like I can win out over those other guys, and I'm not all that competitive to be honest. At least, I'm not competitive when it comes to the opposite sex. I'd rather go for the low hanging fruit as @Addictionhelpseeker implies.

My insecurity, however, is getting much better since I've gotten in shape and found a solid career path. Women pay me more attention now, but I don't know what to do with it. I've spent my whole life running away from women and relationships out of fear of rejection and feeling like I was completely undesirable. I honestly don't know how to pursue a relationship because that is uncharted territory for me. I feel I can't compete with other guys because I don't know what to do. They are much smoother than me. I'm just awkward, quirky, and weird haha.

I'm probably overthinking things as usual.

 

Congratulations on the new career path man, glad to hear it is working out
If women are paying more attention to you why don't you pay more attention back to them. A lot of people say to not approach them with any intentions other than to talk and be friends, maybe try this to help boost your confidence and you never know, you might meet someone. Also just be you, there is someone out there for everyone
Best of luck man

 

Well, @rainingrn , the problem is that I'm not all that attracted to the women who are paying me attention, even the pretty ones. I tend to like the ones who just lead me around in circles because they can't make up their mind if they like me or not, or I wind up liking girls who have boyfriends. I think I've just developed a mindset that has me wanting to date girls who aren't good for me. There is one girl who I'm working with who I could get along great with. She's cute and I love her goofy personality, but she's a co-worker. That can lead to all sorts of problems, especially since I just started the job. I think my focus right now should be to get adjusted to my job and save up enough money to move out on my own.

Anyway, @Don Gately , you're right. Things never work out well when I pursue these women. Sometimes they change for the better, and I stop liking them as much because they're different. Nine times out of ten though, her insecurity, shyness, and awkwardness are problems that can only be fixed by her and not someone else. And it is those very problems that end up frustrating me and spoiling the relationship. I'm trying to get her to stop being so uptight and worried all the time because it's no fun being around someone who too scared to do anything (and I'm not talking about sex). Usually these girls have a fun, goofy side, but they are paranoid about what other people think. I find that very irritating. I'm very much a "I will be me and screw what other people think" kind of guy, so I get annoyed when people tell me, "Oh I can't do that! People might think I'm weird!" But I'm still attracted to them, knowing how things will turn out. I guess I'm like the girl who keeps dating thugs thinking that one day one of them will treat her right.

But it's kind of hard to change what you like.

 

I have the same "no sex" commitment. I don't think my company has that rule since it is so large, but I'm just scared of the potential drama. Things might get awkward since the office I work in is pretty small. The company doesn't hire that many people with my skill set. There's only 6 of us, and we all work together. I don't know, feels risky to me, unless it works out and the other 4 handle it well.