The Lord of the Rings Challenge

End of day 15

I don't feel attracted to my wife like I used to be. It's mostly physical attraction, but it is also not constant because I know that no matter what I do, she will not be attracted to me, at least nothing that I have already tried. In theory making her feel really loved should do the trick. I should try harder to make her feel loved. I think this is the only thing I should care in our relationship, but it is hard when she is supposed to be the only one I get sexual satisfaction from. But if I can stop PM for 15 days, that means I can focus on showing love to my wife when it comes to our relationship as well.

 

Check in day 27

 

Weekly checkin:
Lowest level on the Faster scale this week was Ticked Off (fantasy & gossip), mostly this weekend due to meeting old aquaintances. I fantasise about female friends (not single) because I am looking back for that surrogate mother rather than looking foward to autonomy. This means I am not free when I meet friends. I am like a slave, crippled by an unnatural desire (which I know is terribly destructive to not only our friendship but to their relationships and marriages). A lot of my childhood trauma comes from a broken marriage, so why am I looking to pass on this suffering? Is this pathetic desire really worth it? Of course not, but this is the double bind - addicted to the fleeting intimacy of lust vs destruction of others' (and my) happiness.

What to do? Firstly resolve double bind by leaning into the pain rather than leaning into the pain-killing fantasy. The pain is from an intimacy disorder, in fact the pain is simply a growing pain which I try unsuccessfully to medicate with an intimacy disorder. I commit to you now reading this that I am going to lean into where the most immediate pain manifests itself and that is procrastination. I will do the menial tasks which have been hanging over me for ages in place of running away.

This week:

• I checkin on FF every day
• I do a todo list
• I lean into the discomfort of the task at hand
• I practise BRACE when the urges or fantasies arise
• No bawdy talk with female colleagues
• No streaming or flicking channels
• No vanity - lean into reality

 

Day 4.

Feeling depressed, sad, and overall low.

 

Day 36 checking in

was at a friends birthday party last night and hung over today. Need to be careful as this would be classic PMO scenario for me in the past. Going to keep busy

 

Awesome accomplishment and great attitude!!!

 

Sounds like you have a great plan! Good luck in the execution!

 

Day 31 no PMO. Spent the day with family and friends so no urges at all for me. Today I volunteer at church and then hope to relax around the house. Should be a good day.

 

Thanks brother

 

Thanks for all your support guys
I will finally be free of life long struggle now If you want a lesson from me, you can check it
Bye

 

Checking in Fellowship Friends!

110 Days Free of PMO.

Good rest today, pushed through the fatigue/anxiety yesterday and successfully did what I set out to do and more, even felt better as I was doing it. Although on "staycation", I have some more plans today and intend to continue the same path today. I really want to make the days count and I want to be free of what ails me for good.



"We suffer more often in imagination than in reality." -Seneca

Stay Strong!

@breaking-myths Think of the weeks you have gone through as the practice of your habit, now faced with adversity of

@Anew2019 Try your best to really dive deep into what lead you to a relapse. Analyze and execute an action plan against it. Try your best not to binge.

@Lone Skeleton Congrats on achieving a week!

@metamorphosed Think of it as part of the process, you are now face to face with your emotions without numbing yourself. Just observe, emotions are never permanent.

@daddyG1981 Do your best to follow the protocol that lead you thus far, if you need to step out of the house, do so.

@Kairose Congratulations brother! Both on your achievement and deciding to workout once more. In my opinion it is so crucial to developing oneself.

 

Please be strong! Emotions come and go. No matter how dark it seems, soon it will be brighter. It always is. Life is wavy. And no matter how far we are, we care about you.

 

Believe your self brother. No pain No gain

 

Brother, you can share your ideas with us.

 

hello gais, I am new here, I assume I can join here, so, day 0 I guess

 

@Paul S. Brother Now you are in your better condition. I remembered that your past stories about failures in nofap. I Compare your past stories and current stories. Amazing brother. You are in a correct path.

 

Yeah brother, You wiil win all the battles against the PMO forces. Great name brother

 

omg 186 days!!!!!!

 

Good night brothers , It's meditation time

 

Thanks for the appreciation