The Lord of the Rings Challenge

Day 4
No urges

 

Check in day 2 in this challenge.

 

Sorry for late brother
Brother I felt those feelings When I was in below 90 days. So those days my leisure time activity was doing high intensity exercises. These exercises helped me to prevent brain fog, feeling sick, generating creative ideas. At beginning of the journey, I couldn't do even one pushup. After progressively I did one hundred pushups ( 10 sets and 10 reps). Another Important thing is having a cold shower. It changed my mood and Bad urges. It was a life saver.
Brother If you achieve 50 days or 60 days , you can manage bad urges. I can't verify it. but After going through these challenges every day, your mind is stronger than previous state. So that you can manage these bad urges easily about 60 day or 50 day milestones.
Good luck brother

 

Day 192

 

Yeah brother, When we are going through the challenge , we can create our Army to against PMO evil. Good luck

 

Day 1 checking in.

 

Day 5

Urge: 2/5
Thoughts: 2/5

Just 2 more days and I'll be passed the first hurdle.

 

Thank you for rushing to help brother! I'm sick but I stayed strong today.

I feel a new power over p. Yesterday my feeling was that either I would suddenly just snap or at least it would become a heavy battle where it I would have the difficult decision to embrace pain instead of lust. The "snap theory" was the fear, that the addiction might have the power to take away my control and afterwards I would think it was me who failed.
But I don't believe this anymore.

In reality, I was determined. Most of the time urges didn't rise up. Of course at some point I had to think of the possibilities, but I didn't entertain those ideas longer.

I feel a new power growing in me! But it's still a sappling and I have to cherish it.

As for watching (nonsexual) stuff on the internet: I pretty much binged and it was very random. I haven't learn anything during abstinence and I see that I have to work on my mindset.
I don't think rules are enough. Rules aren't everything (especially because I tend to break my own rules). Rather I need to train myself to use my time better. What do I want? When I'm clueless I will become a victim to youtube algorithms and such.
Today I was sick, so I'm happy with the result - I didn't relapse.
But I have no time for brainless youtube entertainment and even high quality entertainment should be a special treat or something to share with others.

 

Bear with me brothers ...

I also realized something about recovery: what is the difference between abstinence and real recovery? This is no mystery! To recover I need to change who I am. Abstinence alone changes our brain! But in terms of personality: as long as I fantasize porn fantasies and think this is what I want to do, my mind is messed up.
Of course I would like to have sex at some point and not necessarily only vanilla sex. I'm not intending to become a saint. But then it will be real sex with a real girl.
My hyped up p fantasies 1. don't will come true 2. are messed up and 3. won't help me to get laid but will keep me in the porn trap.

The most of my fantasies are a result of what I have watched over the years. I can't stop those thoughts arising from my subconcious. But I need to learn to stop entertain p fantasies and mainly I need to stop identifying with it. I'm NOT my hijacker.
I have already a healthy sexuality, values and healthy boundaries. But it is submerged with this p trash and maybe some weird behavior that I developed over time.

A cleaning-up is needed!
I have to thoroughly clean up!

(aiming now for 15 days)

 

11/3 and 11/4 2022 completed

day 4- no O
day 3 - No M & self stimulation
day 2 - No P / Psub / addiction-induced arousal:

 

Day 457 hard times.

I have no urges but I'm depressed. It's like all I want to do is to be alone, eat, and sleep. I don't have energy to do exercise, my feelings get weaker every day. Had two wet dreams in two days, probably I'll keep having em.
My wet dreams, were me watching and searching p, but being conscious that I had to quit watching, to not relapse and be addicted again. Then after I quit searching or watching, the O.

My mind and body are at war right now... Or maybe my spirit. Pray for me please

 

I'm getting better, I talked to a friend who basically made me realize all my problem was that I was getting away from God. Searching were I shouldn't search, running where I shouldn't run.

 

Check in day 34

 

Day 10

I fell ill with an unknown illness that has incapacitated me for over a week now. I was completely bedridden, but have slowly been able to do basic things, but still feel fairly sick. I managed to hang onto my streak, but everything else went to hell... I'm going to take as much time off life as I need to recover though, maybe this is a blessing in disguise giving me the opportunity to pace.

I can spend the whole day out of bed now, so it seems like a good time to get a sleeping pattern going again as a next step. I was trying to sleep as much as humanly possible as I couldn't do much and thought more sleep would equal faster recovery.

As for nofap, been having the urges starting to come on strong... I just need to remind myself I'm not someone who does pmo anymore. Once I fully get over this sickness I will try to land a date.

 

Day 11. We mooooove.

 

And the days go by very fast... temptations increase but the journey continues.

 

Week 2 Check-In
Heading into sensitive pathways Week 3 now again, been down this road before, the warm and fuzzies of the urges are lies. They are the call of the sirens that murder the sleepy sailor. I need to see the urges not as comfort but as neon warning signs of danger and to flee from them.

Lowest this week was Thursday when I hit exhaustion very quickly as logged above, from 2 late nights
Sometimes I wonder if rather than relapsing when I am in the pits of exhasution, there is a greater danger when exiting out of that state, or an illness or whatever, when you start to feel a little good again - body and mind taste what it's like to feel a little better and wants more and knows there is a fast track to that is P

What is the main double bind this week - feeling tired, feeling self-pity, but at the same time needing to kick myself - the answer to this is to rest, schedule this rest and stick to this rest and when not resting do what I have to do, instead of loitering around in my head waiting for some dark rationale to tell me that what I need is a relapse.
PMO is so unbelievably insidious, a vicious starving anaconda, yearning to devour you whole, dressed in gentle soothing comfort blankets for the mind - throw off the comfort blanket, reveal the serpent within, and flee!

Commitment for this week -
Either I stop procrastinating the work I know I need to get done and press into the pain of fear of failure on this assignment OR I continue to procrastinate by surfing Football, Social Media, News etc... and feel good but then later face the consequence of being behind and become even more stressed.

 

I love LOTR. I'm in! Starting on day 4 as a hobbit. Looks like I've already met Tom Bombadil. Just grabbed the Fellowship of the Ring off my bookshelf so I can read along at the same time. I haven't read this in a decade!

 

Checking in Fellowship friends!

117 Days Free of PMO.

Today begins the first of the 3 days of my own battle. My aim is to grow from this experience, face it as I should. Interestingly enough a fantasy crept into my mind early this morning, clearly an attempt to distract me from my perceived discomfort. I did not engage with it however and put a sharp end to that thought. I have a few things on the list today and I intend to tackle them as best as I can.

Stay strong!


@NeverDefeated Welcome to the fellowship brother!

 

Day 193
Time is going very fast . But I think I have enough time to do my work. Busy week
Good night brothers