The psychology of femdom.

I've been around and around on this stuff and here's where I've landed:

Who cares why? If it's making you miserable, just stop. You can't think your way out of this.

Congrats on the 14 days btw! Well done.

 

well... you could always try and find a psychologist to talk about that... no need to dive into "fetishology" (is that a thing?), though i agree that it would (if not help) at least be interesting!

 

For me it's been useful trying to examine where my fetishes come from. I don't believe anyone is genetically meant to be submissive, dominant or a switch. I've found unwanted to be helpful in that regard although wish he had delved deeper. IMO I don't think seeing escorts or using a fleshlight is a good idea, and I def wouldn't consider it until I had at least a 90 reboot and had more clarity.

 

I think maybe u would come to feel that u don't need to do those things. It's just dopamine-fueled compulsions.

 

I think its an unwanted gift from our dear caveman ancestors. According to all mainstream paleo-archeology,antrophological artifact diggings,etc: the earliest humans venerated the fertility Goddess,a female deity. some scholars even consider the cult of Ishtar a proto-femdom-ist cult, due to certain rituals undergone in the mystery rites.
(this merely explains your question of WHY this happens. I know it doesnt make your journey any easier, but at least you know your enemy?)

 

Imma be honest I had a futa fetish before,too. What really helped me is that,in real life, any man(yes:man) who has surgery to get breasts+facial reconstruction,etc... is not a happy man. He's in a desperate mental predicament. so I feel pity, the object of desire becomes beholding someone who is suffering so much.

 

There's nothing wrong with femdom. I'm sure there's many men out there that live fulfilling, satisfying, happy lives with some femdom in their sexual relationships.

That is not your situation. You seem to have a porn addiction to femdom porn. You may also be hooked on femdom sex acts, but idk if you even know, unless you've tried stuff out irl.

Do the reboot to clear your mind, then rewire with normal sexual activity. Get several years of sexual relationships under your belt, then see if you want to do femdom stuff still. Chances are slim to none. The more you think about it, the stronger the urge becomes. Focus on rebooting and then healthy sexual activity. Continual pondering on the nature of your fetish will not bring results.

 

I don't know about that one, This is just a theory I have, but I honestly think at the end of the day most women do not like this. Unless she's a dominatrix in which case, they get paid to do that. But then again I am inexperienced because unfortunately, despite having a more driven and stony side of myself, I tend to get shy and nervous around women I also have some fetishes too which I think are also holding me back.

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I have a fetish for women's feet and toes and often fantasize about a girlfriend or wife taking her shoes and socks off and putting her bare feet all over me. Also, worship, massage and tickling.

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Unlike most guys I actually think getting blue-balled is quite nice. Yeah it hurts at first but then it almost feels like my balls are massaging themselves.

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Strict sex I don't really know why I have this one, but I often fantasize about having sex with a woman but there's a lot of twists and turns that go into it. I don't want her to let me orgasm but she can orgasm, I also want her to not let me cum until she tells me to.

I think some of these fetishes of mine are from childhood, others I found through my own tastes, I think some of these are from porn or just some insecurities or anxieties I have.

 

Hi @Peaceful magic 21, was just wondering if you have ever thought of maybe having some codependency issues as well which then get acted out sexually doing femdom? I am asking cause in my case (heavily addicted to findom for a long time) this is the case. I am a codependent and sex addict. And when it comes to findom I feel the two meet. Being degraded and paying to be humiliated sounds like needing toxic relationships, being dependent on being abused sounds like craving toxic unhealthy relationships. In my case I think the power the two have when they come together, sex and codependency, did make it so hard for me to quit.
Finding out why can be another trap. Cause you can never wrestle a problem to the ground. And if we first need to find out to then be able to stop ... well good luck. In my case it didn't work. Bit by bit, step by step, day by day, hour by hour, sometimes minutes by minutes ... learning to surf the urges and stay on that board. The fun is not to fall. Waves come and go. I worked the Twelve Steps in CoDA, attended SLAA meetings and started Vipassana meditation.
Check your beliefs, the way you think, develop that inner scientist, the witnesser. Try to catch the wave when it is still weak and has no significant power. Turn it around, change the way you think. Once the wave gets more momentum, more power it's too late to jump on the board or get out, we are flushed away. You either work on relapse or you work on recovery, they say in the Twelve Steps. And working on relapse starts with a peeking here, a bit of indulging there, complacency takes over, some tempting thoughts, you put them aside, the grow bigger in the background and come back as ... very persuading ideas. And of we go hunting and smashing.

 

First of all, if these fetishes are just things that arouse you by thinking about them or watching porn, they probably aren't innate or real. Unless you act them out in your sexual relationships, I would not say that's what you're into. The shock and novelty of some porn tricks us into thinking we're aroused by it, when in reality if we tried them with a real partner they would just seem weird or gross.

I say don't worry about it because the more you worry about, the stronger the arousal is. Shock and fear can increase arousal, so if you just don't care about the weird stuff you think about, it can actually make the desires weaker in the future (just don't act them out lol).

Couples do all sorts of kinky stuff, but most things are pretty vanilla, especially in the beginning. Before you worry about what fetishes you have and whether you would dominate a girl or be dominated in bed, just focus on doing your reboot and rewiring with beginner sex acts. After a reboot you gotta have normal sex for a while before you try these crazier things, so focus on that.

 

I cared why. I got to understand the femdom "lifestyle" and the understanding helped very much to let it behind me.
Truth sets our mind free and once you see the lies in femdom it's quite easy to let it go.

Check out my journal. I wrote some stuff about femdom and mistresses.

There is a lot wrong with femdom.
Women who raise themselves above man and ensnare them in a deathly lust addiction are evil to the bones.

 

A fun exercise I have been doing is when a theory or idea is stated, look at the inverts or opposites to see if it holds true.

You say women who raise themselves above men are evil. I'm assuming that means women who think themselves better then men and control their relationships with men are evil. Correct me if I'm wrong.

If that's what you believe, does that mean the best, most morally upright women in the world are woman that place themselves below men?

We can go the other way as well. Are men who constantly raise themselves, whatever that may mean to you, above women the most morally upright men in the world? And are men that constantly raise women above themselves consequently evil to the bones?

I am not looking to fight or be sarcastic, I am seeking to understand.

 

If this were the case I would agree with you. But at the same time in real life,

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Why do I get the feelings of arousal and sexual excitement each time I see a woman's ankles or get this rush of sexual excitement if she engages in shoeplay? I have a female co-worker I sometimes go on break with and Each time I do, she always takes her shoes off but not her socks but I am still turned on anyway and am hoping she takes off her socks too. So I have a hard time believing my foot fetish is porn induced despite my best efforts at hiding it and not wanting anyone to know about it in real life.

 

Well, there could be some unseen forces in modern society that are subtly manipulating you into inching towards femdom type thinking. There are a lot of energy interactions we cannot measure directly. For example, we see a certain television commercial or hear a piece of music. How is this affecting us if we are not aware that we can be negatively affected by the experience?

If we are not on guard against this sort of subtle manipulation, then it is much easier to be overtaken by it.

Just look at some of the guys on YouTube or elsewhere who speak so negatively against women.... in a way, I think they sense something very, very wrong with how certain femdom things make them feel, and are on a rampage to protect themselves against it.

The same can be said about women who hate men. They sense something very, very wrong with certain attributes of men, and are on full guard against it.